rarely do i boil over about something personal, but as the old saying goes, "everything has it’s limits."  now i was a bit surprised myself after taking stock of what happend this past thursday.  i guess it’s just one of those days where you were rubbed the wrong way and hitting back is the most logical thing to do at that time.  a quick history lesson before i recount the details of the little incident:  i met this girl while i was still with my former employer.  she was assigned in one of the sub-departments of the human resources group, mostly processing applicants.  she’s a tall, slim, stunner of a woman, one you wouldn’t miss looking at when you happen to pass her by while walking down a crowded street.  yet before i met her, she had this reputation of being… spoiled, for lack of a better term.  many a men have tried to win her heart, but her second reputation of being playful with the boys around her seem to put her on an "impossible to claim her" category.  maybe it has something to do with her age, her being young and all, but i had this gut feeling that i could get past those.  we have already gone out numerous times, all under her terms.  she would set conditions like, "pick me up at the least crowded part of the building so that no one we know could see us go out," or "i’ll have to finish up some stuff at work, so our lunch date at 12 noon would be moved to 2pm," or "let’s not go there, it’s too popular, someone at the office might see us together…"  get the picture?  plus, she had this habit of asking me to treat (read:  buy) her something from either starbucks or gloria jean’s.  being the guy that i am, i readily obliged and lost count of how many times i would be bringing a cremé bruleé or a frappucino to her desk.  and when we do go out, we would have conversations all about the men in his life and she would ask my opinion on what their intentions are.  this went on until i left the company to where i am now and we would still keep in touch, although not that much anymore… until this past week.

i happened to chance on her friendster profile this past sunday because i saw her new picture taken on a beach in boracay.   i sent her an sms message asking her how she was and that she had a nice picture posted.  the exchange of messages led to me inviting her for dinner on friday night, to which she obliged.  the week went on as usual, work was fast-paced, meetings to attend here and there.  and this past wednesday, my direct line at the office was finally installed.  i sent everyone i knew an sms message bearing my office number, indicating that if any one of them wanted to get in touch with me, can do so at the number i provided.  during a lull in the the things going on in the office, i was checking my emails when the phone rang.  it was her, the very first person to call me on my direct office line.  we chatted for about 15 minutes, talking about from how i got into the company to how things were in her area.  i had to cut the conversation short because of another scheduled meeting i had to attend.

during the way home, she sent me an sms message detailing how her boss was being made a puppet by upper management and said how she wished i was her boss instead.  i replied jokingly that if i were her boss, i would be losing my job in an instant.  she then asked me if i could elaborate on what i said, and i told her my sad experience of falling for someone who is one of my direct reports while i was a team leader.   i described how hard it was since i had to display professionalism at all times and that i didn’t pursue the girl until she eventually left the company which was both a relief and a sad thing, and ending it by telling her that i won’t let that happen again.  our sms conversation then shifted to her asking my help getting her friend and colleague a job where i was.  naturally, i told her that her friend should just apply with the openings our company has, and that her friend shoudl be open to the possibility of being assigned to a bank branch should her qualifications match to the openings needed.  she asked if i could refer her friend, and i told her that her friend can place on the resumé that i referred her.  she then asked me what else i can do to ensure that her friend will make it, adding that i should just take her in.  i replied that i’m not the owner of the company, and that i’m only new in the office, so i don’t have that much influence yet, so i’m in no position to do so and that i can only act as a reference person should HR ask me about her application.  she then asked me if that is all, and i replied that maybe i can make a recommendation, but that is as far as i can go.  she then asked me if i can follow-up her application, and getting a little frustrated with all the things she’s asking me, i replied that i can also do that.  our conversation through sms ended that night by confirming our dinner date on friday night.

on that fateful thursday morning, everything seemed nornal.  i arrived in the office early so had time to spare.  i was on my way back to my desk from the restroom when i received a text message from her.  she said that she was calling me on my office number but i’m not picking up.  i replied that i just got out of the restroom, headed back to my desk and that she can call me again.  she did, and from the start of our conversation, she went on about her asking me that favor for her friend, saying that by helping her friend, i am helping her as well.  i told her exactly what i said in our conversation the night before, that her friend should just indicate my name on the resumé, serving as a referral.  she asked me to make a written recommendation to HR about her friend.  i told her that it’s not possible because written recommendations are not accepted, and that i can only contact one of the HR officers and give them a heads up on her friend’s application.  she then insisted on the written recommendation but i told her again that it’s just not possible.  she then told me that how can she, an HR staff can do something about friends’  applications while i, with a management position, can’t even write a letter of recommendation for an applicant.  i repeatedly told her that it was not possible and that the company does not accept written recommendations.  i was getting increasingly incensed at that point because of her demands.  she then asked where our office was.  i told her that her friend can go to our head office in the ortigas area and submit her application.  she asked me if it was possible for her friend not to go there personally and just have me submit her friend’s resumé.  i told her that her friend can email her resumé to the person in HR who processed my application.  she said that she doesn’t want her friend to go through a phone interview, but i told her that her friend will be contacted to go to the office for a personal interview with HR, and that her friend should be in corporate attire when she goes there.  she asked if it was possible for her friend to come in jeans.  naturally, i told her that it’s not possible since it’s an interview.  she then went back to her demand that i make that recommendation letter and help her friend out and threatened that if i didn’t do so, "i’ll erase you from being my friend just like what you did with your former boss" in the vernacular.  still calm, but already slightly furious, i told her that her friend can either send her resumé via email or just go to the head office as a walk-in applicant.  sensing that she won’t get through with what she’s asking of me, she ended th
e conversation.  ’twas the first time i felt that mad and furious in a long time as i put the phone down.  what happened during the next few minutes was an exchange of sms messages which she started that went like this (already translated):

 

her:  i don’t know if i’ll be annoyed with you.  i may be a brat, but you’re difficult.

me:  you know what, you always want it your way.  you come up to me with all sorts of demands with conditions as if it’s that easy to do.  i already told you that i’ll help out within my capacity, but that’s not enough for you.  i learned the hard way that i cannot always get what i want.  maybe you should realize that as well.  now, if you don’t like the way i’m trying to help you or your friend out, and that you’re threatening to erase me from your life for not giving you what you want, then go ahead.

her:  well, so everything is out in the open.  okay, if that’s what you want.  good thing, i was able to know you better.  erase my details in your phone as well.

 

she then texted me the exact message i last sent her, then added something in the end:  "i don’t need this."  i then replied back, saying:

 

me:  since i met you, i always thought that you’re a reasonable person despite what other people have told me.  i have always, and i mean ALWAYS given you what you wanted, and with this little thing, you’re already mad at me?  isn’t me saying, "i’ll do what i can to help your friend" not enough for you?

 

she didn’t reply back which was a good thing because i had some work to do the entire day and didn’t want to be distracted by what just happened.  i just vented by sending a text message to my friends about what just happened without exactly revealing the details, or who was involved.  i promised to write an entry on my blog that night, but due to some technical difficulties on the site, it didn’t happen.   i thought that was the end of our "friendship" but while trying to access my blog that night, the sms conversation continued with her saying:

 

her (exact text message):  there are way too many people who gave their word and none of them was able to keep them.  other people doesn’t know me and if ever, they are far worst than me.

 

slightly taken aback with the grammar, i replied back:

 

me:  you might be surprised who those people are who told me things about you (honestly speaking, they were my friends warning me about her), but i didn’t listen to them because i knew then that you were better than what they thought of you.  i still do, as a matter of fact, but i think my judgement is now being clouded by my feelings for you which i now realize–the hard way–that you don’t give a damn about.

her:  if you want to believe them and join them, that’s your choice.  how can you say that you have feelings for me, when in fact, you don’t even know how to adjust even just for me?

 

i guess with the information i gave you earlier, you would reply like i did:

 

me:  i did adjust.  numerous times.  you just didn’t see through it.  i never said anything about joining them.  if i did, then we wouldn’t be talking to each other anymore.  you’re pusing people away because you’re afraid to get hurt.  i understand that because i got hurt myself, but i never push people away because they won’t see the real me.

her (exact message):  just be sure that those people whom you talk to about me are not as bad and difficult as i am.  you adjusted numerous times?  when?  i push people because i don’t know who to trust anymore.

me:  so i guess that means you don’t trust me as well after all the honesty i have shown you all this time, and all that i have done to make you see that i’m different from the other guys.  i don’t need to elaborate what adjustments i made for you.  you know what they are.

 

with all that i said, she replied with just this:

 

her (exact message):  honestly, you have to elaborate the adjustments you made for me.

 

frustrated and exasperated, i replied back:

 

me:  sorry, i’m not the kind of guy who keeps records of things or adjustments i do for women i care about or have feelings for.  if i did, then that means i’m not being sincere in what i do for them, or that i’m expecting something in return.  it’s not about the quantity of the things one guy does for a girl, but for what reason and how it’s being done.

 

and just like that, our conversation–maybe even our communication–ended.  it was unfortunate, yes, but at the same time, it made me realize that women like that don’t deserve to be treated in the way i have treated her while we were steadily going out.  i admit, that was a harsh statement to make, but after all the things i’ve been through with my personal life, i’m slowly learning to look after myself sometimes.  as i’ve said earlier, i was quite surprised with the things i’ve done in this particular situation.  i guess i could sum it up with an analogy i came up with just now.  all of us have shit.  good shit, bad shit.  on a hot, summer day like this, a electric fan is one thing that can keep you cool.  you then decide to play with some shit.  you throw it at the fan, and it bounces back, right smack in your face.  what am i saying?  be careful with the shit you throw at.  some of them might actually hit back at you.  and hit back at you that hard.