ending the week–and the month at that–at the way things happened last week was definitely not what i had in mind.  instead of properly savoring the two-day weekend by not thinking about work related stuff, what occupied half of my mind was how i was a victim of a double-cross of some sort.  i was about to write what went down upon arriving home last thursday, but a combination of being at a loss for words, sheer frustration, and a scheduled dinner with a friend that night forced me to save my rantings for another day.

at the start of the year, i always thought that what happened to me the previous year won't happen again, and i tried to make sure of it.  specifically, what i'm referring to was the brouhaha over my holiday vacation leaves.  yet, it seems that lightning does strike twice on the same place.  here's how it all went down:

back as far as early september, i had already calculated my remaining leave credits for the year and submitted/plotted all of them to my superior for approval, including my trip to the US and the week of december 25th to the 31st.  with the sudden announcement of my US trip, i was still reeling from the fact that i won't be able to have a three-day weekend for at least a month and a half.  my superior approved all of them except the christmas week, saying that it's still up in the air, whatever that means.  i didn't worry about it, since i was confident enough that collectively, my superiors would be coming up with something to address the holiday vacation leaves.  so, work went on.

early october, during a team meeting with my teammates, our superior suggested for us to come up with a proposal for the holiday vacation leaves.  initially, i thought that our superiors were asking for more participation from us regarding planning of this sort.  coincidentally, i already had a working plan in mind which combines personal attendance of each of us and tenure/length of service to determine who can plot for the holidays, but i didn't put it on paper yet.

two weeks ago, before my scheduled one-on-one with my superior, i emailed my proposal to all of my superiors for them to talk and discuss about it.  and during my previous one-on-one session, i followed it up and got an answer saying that they haven't discussed it yet.  and during that particular session, we went over the dates i'm requesting.  so i showed the calendar of when i'm requesting to go on holiday break.  my superior plotted them on the tracker and added the comment, "pending" to clarify to the others who will be viewing the file that it was not yet approved outright and is still subject for discussion.  i was fine with it, until last thursday.

after taking my lunch break, my superior called me into his workstation to discuss about my plotted leaves.  i thought that there was some sort of clarification with what i had plotted, or it was about my proposal.  to my surprise, they (my superiors) have reached a decision for all of us to not be allowed to plot our VLs from december 20 to 31, with the reason explained to me that some of my colleagues who have viewed the file "complained" that i have already the dates i wanted reserved and others want in too.  so now, my superior wants me to cancel the dates that i have plotted for and for me to review the email about to be sent to everyone so as not to elicit some negative reactions.  i asked about the propsal i sent and i was told that it was good for implementation next year, and i was asked to come up with another one.

the minutes following that revalation was nothing but silence from me.  silence at the sheer frustration that some of my colleagues would be responsible for causing the decision that was made, and at the disappointment at my superior for utterly disregarding–for weeks now–the proposal i had sent which will benefit everyone at our level.  yet i remained as professional as possible in front of my superior, not questioning my unknown colleagues and why was my proposal pushed to next year.  yet if i could only see myself at that time, my face says it all.  and there was one bitter truth:  i had to take one for the team…. again.  i left my superior's workstation like the most unappreciated person in the world.  work-wise, i have never complained or sought attention but this is plain ridiculous.  i mean, after working hard for a second straight perfect attendance for the entire year, this is the recognition and respect that i get?!  after conserving my vacation leaves instead of uselessly plotting them, this is what i get?!  was it my fault that my colleagues don't have any vacation leaves left?!  i have held up my end of the workload and covered for teams whose leaders were out.  all i can say is that this is pure and sheer crab mentality.  yet it's nice to know that a few others were supportive of what i felt.  they even said that they can cover for my team during the days that i'll be out, but i just told them that if they really are sincere, then they should tell that to their superiors themselves, otherwise, if it came from me, it'll look like that i forced them to.  one colleague even posted the question, "why are our associates being encouraged to consume their vacation leaves regardless of when, but when it comes to us leaders, we can't?  how are we being treated?"

i haven't said much to my superior during that meeting.  but now that i have thought about it more thoroughly, a conversation will be forthcoming.  to my colleagues who complained or whined about my plotting of vacation leaves, all i can say is, just stop the jealousy.  and can't you read?  it said "pending" on it.  now i don't know if you understand plain english, but that in no way means "approved."  i'm sorry about your loss, but just work hard and conserve your leave credits for next year, ok?

this changes nothing.  i'll continue to go to work, be professional, wear a mask of a smiling face at the office, be a team player, deliver performance and all that stuff.  but until what happened last year threatens to resurface, then consider me a pissed and demotivated red car.