***rant mode:  on***

there are times when a certain something hits a designated point, everything (well, nearly) is thrown in disarray.  i mean, it is absolutely dumbfounding when you try to go with the flow and follow what has been the norm, even if you have proven it doesn't work, only to end up with your face flat on the ground and the back of your mind just screams at you with the i told you so speech.  what's worse is that what's going to hit you is already streamrolling in front of you just as you're starting to move forward, and before you get any traction going… boom!  never knew what hit you.

yes, this involves the female gender.  time and again i have proven how courtship doesn't work, or leads to an unreal relationship because the guy just brings out his best attitude and qualities as a person.  it doesn't feel natural to me ever since and i don't see it being the be all and end all of how a relationship starts.  i'd rather start out with me and the girl as friends because at least, you show your true self.  no pretentions, no hang-ups.  in the long run, you'll accept each other for who and what you are, shortcomings and all, and not the different sides of you sprouting like mushrooms after a thunderstorm when you're already together.

take this as an example:  i met this girl at work through a colleague.  i have noticed her even before we met, and yes, she's attractive and seems like a nice person.  one thing about me is that most of the time, i get intimidated around attractive and beautiful women.  in passing told colleagues about this girl and they advised me to give it a shot and try to court her.  naturally, i told them that she won't fancy me as such and that a woman like her has to have someone special in her life.  when we found out that she doesn't, their prodding stepped up.  eventually, we were introduced and one of my colleagues even tried to set us up for a date.  while a date seemed an ok idea, the back of my mind keeps telling me, "a date?  you don't even know her yet, so why go out on a date so soon?  shouldn't you try getting to know her first, without the date?"  it was logical to me, yes.  all first dates end up defining what comes next anyway, so i held back on that one.

still, my colleagues kept teasing me whenever she comes to work (her work area is right beside mine).  gamely, she shoots back, throwing a couple of hints about what she wants to have, like coffee from gloria jeans, and jokingly saying that she'll have half of my monthly earnings in order for us to be together.  i took everything in stride and just laughed it out.  this went on on a daily basis and after some time, one of my colleagues told me to make true on what she said and surprise her by bringing her coffee just as she comes in for work.  seeing nothing wrong with that, i did so a couple of weeks ago.  i bought her a cremé bruleé from gloria jeans, just as she wanted.  problem was, i didn't know if she wanted it hot or cold.  naturally, since she was starting her day, i decided to get the hot one.  upon giving it to her, she was surprised, at the same time thankful that she finally got one from me.  upon giving it to her, she then tells me, "so now, are you officially courting me?"  to which i just replied with a laugh.  after a couple of minutes, she then makes passing remarks that she doesn't take her coffee hot, but cold.  i was, "like you specifically told me what you wanted,"  to myself.  but in any case, i let it pass by and apologized to her and promising to make it up to her next time.

a couple of days later, i made good on my promise.  i bought her exactly what she wanted, to her delight.  she then asks me the same question as before, to which i replied with the same reply i gave her.  on that same day, i ran into her at the pantry and asked her how her coffee was.  she thanked me again for it, and then started running by me a schedule as to what days i should give her coffee.  i told myself, "when did that happen?"  i then jokingly told her that right, so there is a schedule.  and since then, during those days she mentioned, she hollers over to me and asks, "where is my coffee?" i'm not that stupid to bring her coffee as per her schedule not knowing what will come next.  she then starts the cold treatment at me at times.  i mean, i don't even know her that well yet enough to make a serious bid whether to pursue a relationship with her or not.

right now, i decided to stop pursuing her.  it's useless, i guess because if she's that way right now, what will she be like if i continued on?  i mean, we still talk and all, but as far as courting her is concerned, the buck stops here.  and don't tell me that crap about having to prove myself despite everything she throws at me.  i mean, why should it be that way?  why should women make false pretenses to guys who like them?  i once received a text message that read, "why do women want to be courted to be loved forever?  should it be, 'love me now and i'll court you forever?'"  now that completely makes sense to me.  the world would have less divorces, less love quarrels and less break-ups if that were the norm.

hey, it's the middle of the week.  forgive me, i'm just in a ranting mood today.  😦

***rant mode:  off***