“Dear beautiful,

I know you mentioned to me before that you don’t like being given compliments, but I don’t believe that one bit.  Probably you don’t like getting those from me, and only me for some reason.  In any case, yes, I’m referring to you.  Yes, you.  It has always been you.  You are my world, my universe, the one person who I swore to myself–aside from quietly to you as well–that I would do anything to make sure you’re taken cared of, treated the way a woman such as yourself should be treated, the one woman who has made the biggest impact in my life since my mother, the one who makes me fall head over heels all over again every time I see you, and the one who I’ll finally love forever.  I won’t wish that what happened last night didn’t happen; when you found out about everything how I felt for you when you accidentally saw your pictures on my phone’s home screen.  I guess it was fate’s way of making things happen; not exactly how I pictured or wanted it to be, but I cannot do anything about that now, can I?

I have felt this way about you for a long time now.  But I chose not to say anything to you because obviously you were in a relationship at that time and I highly respected that.  Yet somewhere along the line, despite doing everything I can to not to do so, I fell in love with you.  Seriously.  So I did what I thought was the only way I know how–and probably the next best thing for me:  to love you from afar.  Making you happy was my primary goal.  Seeing you flash that gorgeous smile, or hearing you express your utter happiness at something I did for you was enough for me to feel a sense of accomplishment…  and a bit of happiness too.  Being with you makes me at peace, erases all the uncertainties and whatever doubts I have, removes all the physical and mental weariness I’ve got, and brightens up my day in ways I couldn’t imagine.  Though I know all too well that there was a very significant chance that you will not feel the same for me the way I do about you, I still chose to continue doing what I did.  After all, loving someone is both taking a risk and making a decision.  And it’s the only way I can prove to myself, to God, and ultimately to you, that my intentions are really noble.  Of course, it may have come across to you as somewhat taking advantage of the friendship we have, but again, it was a risk that I took.  And if by me doing that hurt you, then I’m truly and sincerely sorry.  All I wanted was for you to feel how it is to be given all the time, attention, care, and the kind of love that you so richly deserve from a man who you give your heart to.

Like I said, I couldn’t change what happened last night; nor am I not writing this to make you change your mind either.  Fate as already spoken.  I suppose what I mainly wanted to say is:  thank you.  Thank you for everything, and I do mean everything: all that we did together, all that we talked about, all the times that you needed me and relied on me, all the moments that we spent doing whatever, and even the arguments we had, everything.  It felt really good to be needed by someone; especially by you.  I haven’t felt that way in ages, and because of you, I felt important and of significance in a way to someone again.

Thank you for bringing out in me how to really love someone–by enduring the most painful of hurts:  not expecting anything–or probably at least in the most miniscule manner–even close to similar about what I feel back from you.  Thank you for making me do things I wouldn’t have thought or imagined that I could do…  all for someone such as you.  A lot of the things I did for you were really firsts for me.  Looking back, I am even surprised at myself that I would have an eye for dresses, shoes, and accessories that look great on you, actually find the time and way to research on make-up (of all things), or travel quite a distance and even endure an hour or two in heavy traffic just to go and see you for less than 10 minutes.  I wouldn’t trade any of those for anything else in the world.

Thank you for telling and showing me the resolve, determination and strength of your being and character; for overcoming the most difficult parts of your life all by yourself.  After all the hardships you’ve been through growing up and making your way through your professional career, and enduring the painful aspects of your personal life, it made me want to take care of you even more, be there for you when everyone else has left your side, and be the source of strength and inspiration in your time of momentary weakness.  Thank you for your faithfulness despite all the negative things your ex brought or has given you.  It also made me kept the faith and hold on to that elusive hope that maybe one day–despite knowing for sure that there won’t be a chance–my efforts in showing you how you are supposed to be treated, would somehow find it’s way back to me coming from you, even in the smallest way possible.

Thank you for your frequency in changing your mind and canceling the numerous plans we’ve made at the last minute.  It tested my patience with you in the hardest of ways, and made me understand and appreciate you even more whenever we were together.  Thank you for your trust in my judgment whenever we shop for your clothes, shoes, make-up, and accessories.  It made me so lucky just to see how jaw-droppingly beautiful you are in every way, and in whatever you try on.  You often dismiss the fact that you really are so beautiful, but I’m telling you, please don’t.  You’re right up there in the looks department with the best of them, and I would’ve been proud to show you off to the world…  if only.

Thank you for making me feel that I can completely love and fall in love again…  for the very last time.  Among all the women who I fell for, you take the cake.  I have endured so much heartbreak and rejection in my life that I swore a couple of years ago that whoever will be the next woman I will fall in love with, will be the last one for me, win or lose.  Thank you for being that last woman who I made that big emotional investment and fall completely for.  Giving my everything to you is the only way I know how loving someone should be.  I know too well that you did that to your ex; and believe me when I say that there were lots of times I wished that I was him…  or the next man you’ll give your heart to.  I couldn’t have imagined a much better woman to have risked all my remaining emotional chips for, to receive that last ounce of love coming from my heart that was pieced back together in more ways than one other than you.  I have nothing else to offer you; I know I’m not the handsome type you want your man to be, but what I lack in the physical attributes, I would’ve made up for in my attitude and showing you how much I love you.

I also want to say just this once that if only you would realize and understand how good we are–or were–and would’ve been whenever we are together.  That has been proven on many occasions before.  And I wouldn’t get tired in repeating myself when I say that I would do anything to make you happy.  Yet I understand your inability to see that; whether it’s natural, or you turning a blind eye, or me falling short of your standards and expectations.  Respect and understand; that’s all I ever do–aside from love–when it comes to you.  Still, nothing changes.  I have prepared myself for whatever happens and have already set everything up for myself whatever the outcome may be; and what happened last night finally showed me the direction where to go to.  It was either I’ll be happy living with you, or be content living alone.  Both are for the rest of my life.  Nothing else matters anymore.  I had everything to gain and nothing left to lose.  Again, this is the only way I know how to love and the way it should be; and you deserve nothing less than that.  Pure, selfless, wholehearted, come-what-may, proud, supportive, strong and dedicated kind of love.  I don’t mind giving up my own wants, needs and dreams if it means having all of yours come true.  I’m okay with that.  For you, just for you.

You came and became part of my life in a way I never, ever expected.  Now that the writing on the wall is as clear as day, the only thing left for me to do is to wish that you receive the kind of happiness I would’ve given you from that someone new your heart calls for.  As for me, well, you know I’m always a phone call or text away; but I suppose after how things went down, you wouldn’t be giving me much of anything anytime soon.  I don’t blame you for feeling that way towards me.  I understand completely.  Again, for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry if you felt strongly against it.  I would never, ever, even in my wildest dreams make you feel awkward around me or cause you pain.  And as for the things I promised you, don’t worry I will still see them through and fulfill them.  I’m not the one who breaks promises when I make them just because things or circumstances change.  So you can count on those things we talked about, that’s for sure.

As I end this, I want you to know that whatever happens and wherever I end up, I’ll always love you; both as a friend, and as something much, much more.  Remember that.  What’s more painful than losing you right now as a friend is that I’ll be missing you so very much.  So I guess this is it, then.  Take care, drive safely always.  And whenever I end the day, I’ll always utter those very words, ‘goodnight, beautiful.’

I love you.  #younowknowwhoyouare

Faithfully yours,

Me.”

She had barely rubbed off the cobwebs of drowsiness upon reaching the kitchen and opened the fridge door to see what she can make for breakfast.  It was still early, but for some reason, she woke up half an hour before her alarm sounded.  It felt like someone had been watching her sleep.  As she was going through some of the items inside, a faint sound of what seemed like screeching tires reached her ears.  Though that wasn’t new to her, it coming this early in the day roused her curiosity and decided to go and see what it was.  She first peered through the window by the living room, hoping to get a glimpse from that angle.  Not being able to see a thing, she then went to the front door.

A slight early morning chill greeted her as she slowly swayed the door open.  She tried to look around while still inside the house before stepping out for a much fuller view.  Clutching her arms as she stepped out, the chill became a small breeze while making her way to their picketed fence just before the sidewalk.  Her place was situated on a semi-public area, and cars passing by are not uncommon.  As she reached the front gate, she peered over it, checking her parked car out front.  She thought that maybe another car had grazed hers–or even bumped it–thus leading to the screeching sound, probably stopping to check what happened.  There was nothing out of the ordinary with her car, except that she noticed something tucked on the windshield wiper that flapped even with the slight breeze blowing.

As she stepped out of the gate to retrieve what seemed to be a small envelope placed on her car, she heard random chatter coming from down the street.  Upon clutching the envelope, she turned to where the sound of people gathering around was coming from.  She saw a small group of people about 10 to 12 meters away in the middle of the street where a car had stopped sideways.  “Another accident,” she thought to herself.  These weren’t uncommon as well as she learned of a couple of her neighbors figuring in such, mostly in the dead of night as cars tend to speed up while there are still people in the streets for some reason.  She managed to look at the envelope, and saw that her name was on it.

She became a bit curious as to why someone would leave something like that for her.  As she turned to head back inside, one of her neighbors who came from the commotion walked by.  She then asked, “what happened?  Who was it?”  The neighbor stopped, looked back at where he came from for a few seconds, shook his head, then faced her saying, “someone got hit by that car.  He’s not from around here though,” before continuing on his way.  Hearing that raised her curiosity even more, as there were not much other people coming and going within their area.  She almost forgot all about the envelope in her hand as the urge to see the aftermath up close slowly grew inside her while she tried to make sense of what’s going on.  Somehow, there was this voice inside her head telling her to go down the street and see for herself.

She decided to just get it over with and stepped out to head towards the now increasing number of people at the scene.  She could now hear sirens from a distance which are getting louder with each step she took.  As she walked closer to where people are circling around what seemed to be a male person slumped on the ground, she was able to get a glimpse of his feet and legs first.  From her perspective, the man was quite tall; but what made her suddenly feel anxious was that the clothing this man had was quite familiar.  From the shoes, pants, and jacket, she definitely knew that she had seen those before.

She started to tremble as she steadily grew even closer, not wanting who she was slowly starting to have in mind match the seemingly lifeless body laying on the street.  As more onlookers filled the area, her full view of the body was now being blocked.  Anxiety then turned to desperation as she decided to make her way past the ever-growing crowd, her heart beating faster and faster as she tried to push other people to the side; with tears now beginning to fall from her eyes.  When she finally reached to where she can clearly see the body right in front of her, she suddenly fell to her knees upon seeing the man’s face.

It was him.