Category Archives: Uncategorized

something different

i started my third blog. only this time, it's in filipino. and this blog combines my two personalities so it'll make for a fun read. that is, if you can truly understand filipino. hehehehe! drop by http://etosimarkie.ebloggy.com and see for yourself. i noticed that i have yet to post in my second blog. the only difficulty i have is that it is hosted in blogger. i'm planning to move it to this site as well so that all my blogs will be in one basket. anyways, i'll be updating all three blogs the best as i can. hope everyone has a good weekend.

brew, thanks for the inspiration of creating a filipino blog. cool!! =)

i wish…

i wish i could be happy for once,
and have more meaning to giving love another chance.
i wish i could feel myself smile,
about someone my heart longs for who could be with me even for a while.

i wish i could do more than say "i'm in love with you,"
and prove by saying "i'll do anything–even die for you."
i wish this pain would go away,
by knowing that even we're apart, in your heart i would stay.

i wish that you would wash away these tears,
by holding me tight amidst all my fears.
i wish that despite all the chaos and the noise,
i could still hear your soft, calming voice.

i wish that you would never leave my sight,
and that you'll remain with me throughout the night.
i wish that i could say
how i see you in my heart, if you'll let me have my way.

i wish i could hold you hand,
and let you know that without you, i cannot even stand.
and if all these wishes you think are all a lie,
then i'll just be wishing that i'd die.

composed during my lunch hour today…

is it worth it? (and i mean really?)

i haven't written freehand poetry in a while. in fact, i haven't written one since college, i think. just like my "slammed" entry about two weeks ago, today is just one of those days that, well, i dunno… all your negative emotions get mixed up and you come to the conclusion that there is no hope at all for you; that no matter what you do, whatever you say, it just comes back to being…well, hopeless. only this time, things in my personal life get all f**ked up that my so-called creative mind is in full steam. call me pathetic, call me a loser, call me a whiner, call me a quitter, call me whatever you want… i'm just starting not to care anymore. some people have been asking me why the items on my "christmas wishlist" entry seemed a little different from last year; that i didn't wish for…someone. i guess feeling what feel today is part of the reason why. after reflecting, looking back, and summing up all that has happened in my personal life, i stop and ask myself the question:

IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? (AND I MEAN REALLY?)

if the person you love wholeheartedly eventually would not give theirs, is your heart really worth giving someone else to?
if you're belief in fate that that two would be together someday starts to fade, is pining for someone worth giving up your potential successful future for?
is waiting for someone to realize what you feel for that person is true worth giving your time to?
even after losing time and again, is the "game" still worth playing?
is finding the person you love being with someone else worth seeing?
is hearing the person you love talk about someone else worth hearing?
is dreaming of that person only to wake up with the sad truth that you're not meant to be worth having a good night's sleep for?
is being taken for granted after you have done everything for the person you love worth doing sacrifices for?
are praises and litanies about that person you love that fall on deaf ears even worth saying at all?
even after being defeated everytime, is the battle for her heart worth fighting for?
are the little smiles you're being given worth the river of tears you'll eventually be receiving?
if silence is given to you, is love worth giving that person to?
and even if you know that when you start to fall for someone new, things will end up the same–your life being shattered, are the pieces worth picking up again?

i used to say "yes" to all of them. but nowadays, i would say, "is it?" i'm starting to believe otherwise….

my christmas wishlist

today officially marks the start of the christmas season. and what better way for me to welcome my favorite time of the year than for me to make a simple list of the things i wish i could have for christmas this year. these are the things that i think i wouldn't be able to get for myself (not this year at least) due to financial constraints, hence the term "wishlist." it's time for me to be selfish for once, so if there are any generous souls out there who happen to chance upon this site and read my wishlist and be able to give poor little old me any of these five items as a christmas gift, this will be the most memorable christmas for me!! hehehehehe!!! without further delay, here are the top five material things i wish i could have for christmas this year:

5) a 4-day, 3-night all-expense paid full vacation package to either Boracay or Puerto Galera with pocket money – what can i say? i haven't been to either vacation hotspot….ever!! good thing i didn't ask for a trip to disneyland hongkong!! i actually had plans of going to puerto galera earlier this year with one of my buddies, but due to my unescapable, friggin' workload, i had to scrap the plans of going there. man, that could've been the ultimate vacation and would rid me of stress from my former company at that time. next year? honestly, i still don't know…. =(

4) a one-year free membership and free use of equipment, facilities and workout sessions at either Fitness First or Gold's Gym – i always wanted to start working out at the gym to trim down some excess pounds, but i'm bothered by the monthly fees and/or the payment(s) i have to make for each use of their equipment or for a workout session. they're damn too expensive!! what better way to discourage my plans of having a buff body than by additional pesos flying out of my wallet every month aside from the monthly home bills. *sigh* =(

3) a complete set of 5.1 dolby digital entertainment speaker system for my PC – this would make my CD burning hobby more sweet!! i usually play my music in two places: in my car, or in my PC. damn, i could just imagine the crystal clear sounds of each instrument being played and blowing the roof of my house when i play all the tunes i have stored full blast! plus watching DVDs and playing games like C&C Generals or Age Of Empires would be more exciting! damn….

2) an iPod – it would be my very first if ever. any iPod model except for the iPod Shuffle which i find so damn small and it has no visual interface. i never really thought about portable music before when the very first model came out, but come to think of it, me being a music lover, it's kinda insane for me not to have one. the least i could wish for is an iPod Mini. i guess that has enough memory to store the music i want on the road when i commute or when i want to be in my room with just music.

1) a nokia 6260 (or to exaggerate things, a nokia N90) – surprised? i'm dead serious. the nokia 6260 (the black one) is the one thing i'm really craving to have for myself since last year. december 5 would mark the first year anniversary of my nokia 7200, or what i would rather call, the "biggest purchase mistake i ever made." it was a choice between the 6260 or the 7200. i liked both of them at that time, thinking that both have almost the same important features. thanks to a sign (i guess i shouldn't have asked for one), i ended up buying what i have now. though the 7200 is serving me well, it not having bluetooth and an expandable memory is a major disadvantage that it brought me. i'm thinking of trading it in for a new one, but i'm also planning to buy a sun cellular simcard and i need to have two units. oh well, having the 6260 is at the top of my wishlist, and nothing can change that… *sigh*

so there it is. my top 5 things i know i wouldn't be able to have for christmas (worse, i wouldn't be having in the next year as well?). well, as the saying goes, "there's no penny spent for dreaming big." have a good week ahead everyone.

interview with a beauty queen (part 2)

as i breezed through her resume, i focused my attention on the portion labeled, "work experience" since the questions on the interview sheet will be about her previous work or jobs. lo and behold, what i saw in there would throw me off guard in the most unexpected way i never thought possible. she never had any real professional experience, but was (or is, from my own judgement) a model for different commercials and was a binibining pilipinas candidate!!! she noticed that i was starting to show signs of being surprised so she then broke the silence by saying, "well, as you can see, i have no real office experience." i still kept silent as i continued to read her achievements and accolades that were listed. trying to compose myself, i then asked her to tell me something about herself since that's always my first question. she then smiled and started to answer by telling me everything about her experiences as a model, a candidate, and as the country's representative to the miss globe 2004 pageant to which she won the miss friendship award. i looked at her in awe as she was running though everything she's gone through. my hands suddenly became cold, my heart was starting to pump blood faster and my pulse started racing and i thought to myself, "damn, i'm in the company of a beauty queen! mark, settle down, all you have to do now is go on with the interview and don't make her feel awkward and nervous. make her nervous?? are you kidding?? she was a beauty pageant contestant for god's sakes, this interview session is a walk in the park for her!!"

after she was done with telling me about herself, i still kept silent and glanced back and forth at her and her resume. "then why are you even applying here with all your credentials and everything?" i asked with amazement. she then replied that both her parents were in the states and being the eldest of five, she had to take responsibility in taking care of her siblings and also, start somewhere in the corporate world so she decided to apply. "i don't even know what to write down under 'work experience' since i don't really have any real office experience. my friend just told me to write down what i have done, and so there it is!" she added. her answer didn't satisfy my curiosity and i let her know that. i was thinking more on, "once a model, always a model." i also apologized to her for going off-track on the interview and admitted to her about one real thing about me: i get intimidated by women like her. "don't be," she said. "i'm the one who should be feeling uneasy here since i'm applying for a job and going through your selection process," she added. "yeah, right!" i jokingly replied and we both laughed.

the rest of the interview went very smoothly. i followed the interview packet in hand and asked everything that had to be in order for the packet to be filled with information about her negotiation, interpersonal, work performance, and stress tolerance skills to name a few. we would go off-track once in a while to discuss side comments about her answers and i would share my own insights when she had her own questions about the subject at hand. i got to know a lot of stuff about her and found her to be a very interesting person. being used to asked questions, her communication skills were excellent, though with a few noticeable pronunciation errors. the entire interview session lasted an hour and 15 minuites. since her communication skills are excellent, i recommended for her to undergo the final interview on tuesday afternoon. she asked if i'll be doing the final interview with her, well unfortunately not, since i already did her initials. but what i did tell her was that i'll be placing recommendations on the sheet so that the person who will be doing the final interview would know what to expect. i then thanked her for dropping by, that i learned a lot from her, and that it was fun talking to her. "thank you for making it fun for me as well. i had a good time talking to you. it made me feel more comfortable even with the room being so cold," she replied. i apologized again for the temperature. we then shook hands and i opened the door for her and she stepped out thanking me with that sweet smile as she walked off. i slumped back to my seat, smiling and still reeling from what had happened. "damn," that was all i could tell myself for about five minutes. i suddenly had the realization that that interview really defined my week. and what a good week it was.

yeah, i know what you're all thinking: just because she was a beauty queen, she'd automatically pass!! hell, no!! i mean, i have interviewed other equally, if not more beautiful women than her, but have difficulty communicating and/or expressing themselves, so i'd really fail them. will she pass the final interview? i'm really betting on it. by the way, i left out an embarrassing point in the interview process. i intentionally did that because for one, it is embarrassing, and two, it's for me to know and for you to find out! hehehehe! you may be asking, why didn't i get her number or asked her out? for one, well, i was at work, and it was an interview, so i had to maintain a sense of professionalism, etiquette and integrity on my part, so even if i was tempted (and i mean really tempted) to jot down her cellphone number and save it on my phonebook, i didn't. and two, how would a girl like her (an accomplished model, beauty pageant contestant, and a real stunner inside and out) even consider going out with a guy like me?
that was last week for me. one really worth remembering. at least i could go about bragging how i interviewed a beauty queen. one i could also tell my future kids and grandkids about…if i ever have any. one thing's for sure though: i would still get to see her on tuesday. now that's something to look forward to next week.

(for those of you interested on what she looked like, visit http://www.bbpilipinas.com/candidates.html. she's number 21 – Micaela, or Kyla, as she wants to be called)