history is one subject i'm always interested in. whether it be during high school or college, whenever i have a history subject on my school year or semester, i'm always looking forward to coming to that class and learn about how things came to be (except for Philippine history, for which i find it monotonous given that it's been taught year after year since grade school and has become somewhat boring). more often than not, i would score above average grades too.

this week marked the 20th anniversary of the first Philippine bloodless revolution, more popularly known as "People Power I." i never really paid much attention to it during the days leading to the event; to be honest, i completely forgot that it has been 20 years to the day. and it simply wasn't on my mind because like most of us, we were all preoccupied with celebrating valentine's day. yet when i realized that, "damn, has it been really that long? 20 years?" i suddenly felt a surge of interest in finding out what really transpired on those four days 20 years ago. i mean, i had to, being that i was only 9 years old when everything went down the way it did. my world then was solely focused on a couple of things: playing with my neighbor friends in the afternoons after school, and being in my room after dinner or watching tv.

i vaguely remember what i was doing that day. all i know was that i was in school, then suddenly we were sent home without us being given a reason why. at my age during that time, i could care less what the reason was. i mean, no school! what kind of kid wouldn't be happy at such an event? i also remember that rumors were spreading that the reason why classes were cut short was due to things getting uneasy and fighting was imminent. when i got home, i was surprised to see my dad who was also home early, telling me that "things were escalating and all office workers were asked to go home." going back further, i also recall my parents having a conversation with our neighbors after the snap election and who they voted for. our neighbors across the street were Marcos loyalists, so i heard them saying about how things will be if he wins. but most of the other neigbors voted for Aquino and predicted that change will be in the air soon.

beyond that, i couldn't–even after shaking and rattling my head for random memories to pop out–recall the events during and immediately after those four days. with that renewed interest, i sought out to research the things that went on. coincidentally, the first of the four days in history, february 22, was my day off. i got a copy of the morning paper (philippine daily inquirer) and there was a section devoted entirely to the anniversary of the people power revolution, complete with the series of events that unfolded during those times, and excerpts from people who were directly involved with what happened, as well as some of the people who took to the streets in defiance of Marcos' persistence that he won the snap election even after proof of election-rigging was rampant. i spent the entire morning, and the next two days after that, reading those articles, browsing through those timelines, admiring those people who took part and thankful for how everything ended the way it did (i failed to get a copy of yesterday's paper because of what happened at the supermarket–see entry below).

ever my curious mind, i then wondered,
"what if everything didn't happen the way it did?"
"what if people in the military didn't defect and stood by then president Marcos?"
"what if Marcos, under the reasoning 'to restore order at all costs' ordered the attack on the 'rebels'' camp even if it meant murdering hundreds of civilians in the process?"
"what if, even after being attacked, the 'rebels' fought back gallantly and took the fight back to the palace where Marcos was holding up?"
"what if people didn't heed the call of Cardinal Sin to go to the streets?"
"what if Cardinal Sin didn't make that call at all?"
"what if General Ramos and Minister Enrile didn't start it all by switching sides?"
"what if there was no cheating in the elections?"
"what if there wasn't any snap elections?"

…and a few hundred or so more questions filled my mind. i guess those questions wouldn't be there in the first place if everything during that time was that peaceful. but it wasn't. which meant that the revolution was an event waiting to happen. looking and reading at the timeline of events again and again–it sounds mushy, but it holds true–i am proud of being a filipino. what they did 20 years ago, was the foundation of what we have right now. even if things today aren't that all too well also, given the events in recent days, at least (in my opinion) things are better off now. most of you may disagree with my sentiments, but think about it for a while. though most politicians still clash with one another, it's better that way that for them to be picked up, and became "lost." it was the freedom we were then yearning for, and the one we're enjoying now.

and so i say to the people who took part in the uprising, i salute and thank you; whichever or wherever political side you're with today. you gave the people something to live for, and something to look forward to everyday. here's a single proud filipino voice uttering his gratitude to your bravery and your courage. thank you.

on another note, this past tuesday marked the 10th anniversary of, well, me being single. yep, that was the day the person behind these blog entries was "born." now that day, i remember very well as if it was yesterday. i remember the tears falling down my eyes, the pain i felt when she ignored my plea to give our relationship one more chance, the slap on my pride i felt when she called her new boyfriend on the phone in front of me, the sadness of being alone from then on, and the feeling of "i'll win her back at all costs" burning inside of me when i left her house that day (which i wasn't successful in doing).

i guess what both events have in common is that both of them are inevitable. they were destined to happen. though the breakup was indeed painful, there was really no stopping it. she made her decision and that was it. i had to live with it, or at that time, start to live with it. though it wasn't the same since then, it was the start of a journey–a journey that is still in progress–to find my way back to relationship happiness. though both of us haven't been in touch with each other for some time now, i'm guessing that she also remembers that day. maybe not as vivid as how i recall it, but maybe as a crossroad she had to take.

10 years. who would've imagined i'll be single for such a period of time? or maybe, just maybe, this is also destined to be. a journey that will never reach it's destination.

i'm the type of person who avoids getting into confrontations of any kind with people i barely know. simply because, one, i don't know the person so i don't know what state of mind he or she is in–even if that person looks normal in the true sense of the word; and two, i tend to lose control of the situation and most likely end up on the losing end of that confrontation (though this hasn't been proven yet, it's just based on gut feeling). but, as the saying goes, "there's always a first time for everything." and it happened when i least expected it, and on a situation that's profoundly mundane.

as i was preparing to go home from work yesterday, i received a text message from my mom asking my to buy some groceries since we're a bit running low on supplies at home. though this was "outside the regular spending pattern" (a phrase commonly used by my agents when trying to verify transactions by customers) for me, i gladly obliged and proceeded straight to the supermarket. i almost forgot that it was a saturday morning so upon parking my car, i kinda expected the lines to be long at the check out area so i thought of limiting what i would be picking up. so i got in, snatched a basket from the pile near the entrance and went on my way.

it took me roughly 15-20 minutes getting what i think was needed. with my basket nearly full and getting heavier to carry, i then proceeded to the check-out area. on normal grocery shopping with my mom, we would normally have a pushcart full of items and would take around 15 minutes for us to have them scanned and paid, but since i was only carrying a basket, i was hoping to get out faster. i then proceeded to the counters on the far right side of the supermarket for people using baskets instead of pushcarts (i guess most major supermarkets have these counters for people who only get less items they need) and fell in line. there were a few people ahead of me so i thought to myself, "this could take a while." while passing time, i looked around and thought of some things that i might've overlooked. i went over the stuff in my basket just to make sure and was convinced that i had everything i needed.

i read the sign on the counter which said, "BASKET LANE (ONLY ONE BASKET PER CUSTOMER)." suddenly, a woman with a half-full pushcart falls in line next to where i was at. though that line was quite shorter, the people in front had more items on their baskets compared to the people in front of me. i then thought to myself, "lady, you're on the wrong counter." i just kept silent, hoping that she'll notice that other people lining up were carrying baskets, not pushing carts and eventually, she'll be transferring. with her arms crossed, she stood and glared at the line in front of her, but waited patiently. people around started looking at her as if she has a red-colored dress and all of us are wearing white for the simple reason that she was on the wrong line and would further inconvenience the people behind her (all carrying baskets as per the sign).

in similar, yet completely different scenarios, i would just mind my own business and ignore what just pulled up beside me. but i looked around and she was the only one with the pushcart and either she still hasn't noticed that she's on the wrong line, or is just queueing on this line since it's quite faster and she would get away with it. even with her stone-faced glare, i decided to stand up for the other people who wouldn't. with a smile, i calmly told the lady, in my own native tongue of course, "excuse me ma'am, this is a 'basket only' line," and pointed to the sign. suddenly, i felt like i was in the scene of the movie, "You've Got Mail" wherein Meg Ryan was on a cash only line and she only had a credit card with her. i swear, i could never forget that look she gave me after i said that to her. it's what i coined as the "who died and made you king?" expression. she just gave that look and kept silent, yet didn't move. "uhm, ma'am, you're in the 'basket only' lane," i repeated but with a tiny bit of increase in volume, thinking she might've not heard me the first time since there was the music on the background and people around chattering. to which she then quipped, "so what? does it say that no pushcarts are allowed here?"

with fatigue setting in, my normal patience started to wear thin. i mean for god's sake, doesn't this lady have any common sense at all?! still composed, i replied, "ma'am, everyone on this area who are falling in line are carrying baskets because the sign says so." she then looked at the sign and around her, and with people looking back at her, you could've swore she would feel at least a bit embarrassed by where she was at, but she still stood her ground and sarcastically replied, "yeah, i know. so what?" at that point, i just backed off and just let her be. i mean, it's useless getting into that thick attitude of hers. i then noticed that she felt uneasy with the people staring at her in approval of what i just did. suddenly, she left her pushcart and came back with two baskets and started transferring her stuff to the baskets! i had to admit, i was initially impressed by her ingenuity, yet still felt sorry for the people behind her who felt that she's getting one over them.

as she was stuffing the baskets with her stuff, i noticed that she would look at my way at times, trying to display that she's now following the sign with her face spelled, "are you happy now?" as the baskets were overflowing, i then retorted, "ma'am the sign says only one basket per customer." she then gave me a fierce look and shouted, "c'mon, i'm in a hurry! don't mind me, ok?!" at that point all the people in line looked at her, including the ladies at the cahiers, surprised about what just happened. a security guard then arrived, asking what the commotion was about. she then explained what she was trying to do and pointed at me as the culprit for starting everything. i told the security guard what i said to her, and noticing what she was doing, reiterated what the sign says and asked her to just transfer her items back to the pushcart and proceed to another line. disgraced, disappointed, angry and embarrassed, she placed the baskets on the pushcart and angrily stormed away.

the people around us can't help but smile at what happened, especially the people behind the angry lady. after a few more minutes, it was my turn at the counter, had my stuff scanned and paid for. my question is, do people still read signs and read them well? or is it just us filipinos who have the tendency to find a way around such signs just for their own personal benefit? i never intended to pick an argument with that lady. i was just an educated person showing another educated person what the sign says, hoping she would understand. sadly, it turned out to be one confrontation i wouldn't forget for days to come. i guess the lesson here is to read the fine print so you can avoid being escorted out of the building. better yet, understand the fine print and have your dignity intact.

isn't it nice when something you want in life–whether it be something material or a goal that you're aiming for–that you know you cannot achieve, reach or get suddenly appears right in front of you (figuratively speaking) and all you have to do is stretch your hand out and grab it? when you put off something as impossible and then out of nowhere, you're already in/on it? that feeling of "this must be a dream" kind of thing is not a dream but is happening for real? when you cannot help but smile all day upon that feeling of sheer luck and good fortune came your way starts to sink in and your senses are heightened to the point that you're literally bouncing up and down in joy? when suddenly, all your friends and family actually start feeling happy for YOU (for a change, instead of someone else) and whatever good thing that has happened to you? and that feeling when it has all sunk in, you go to bed at night for the first time in a very, very, very, very and i mean very, long time, you know you'll wake up feeling the same way when you fell asleep and with a smile on your face, knowing that everything is all good?

well, that happened to me the day after valentines. and man, it was f**king awesome.

i wish i could say the same for my lovelife.

and there goes my post-valentine entry.

though your departure came as a sudden surprise to both of us, we have always talked about it on numerous ocassions. at times, we even fought on the reasons why we should stay together and why we should go our separate ways. though we tried to understand each other's shortcomings, you and i both know we tried everything to make up for it and move forward with our relationship together. though in this case now, it really had to end.

our last night together was one i really won't forget. it was the same feeling i had when we spent our first night together. we just laid there, and went back through time and reminisced all the things we've shared. all the laughter and tears, the naughty thoughts we've exchanged, and the beautiful music we've created.

i remember the first time i saw you almost a two years ago. you captivated me, tormented my imagination, and, like a spell you've cast on me, made you irresistable. for months i tried to fight it, but when i see you in passing or by chance, you never fail to capture my attention and make me surrender to your beauty. yet at the back of my mind, thoughts and questions still lay unanswered. "are you worth it?" "will this be it?" "are you the one i'm destined to be with?" these questions kept me up all night wondering if i should take the risk. although there were others more deserving for me, i didn't pay attention to them and just focused on you. until finally, i gave in. the day i professed my feelings for you, you then became elusive, making me more tormented and obsessed to be with you. yet i became patient, and waited for the right time. and happily, it paid off. even if you made your limitations known, blinded by your essence, i still was drawn to you. and the day we were together was like a match made in heaven.

the 14 months that we were together made both of us realize that we both have grown and matured. there were times when i get frustrated at you, yet i still couldn't leave you behind. and even in the times that i did leave you, i'd always come back for you. every day and every minute, we were inseparable. you were there for me in my darkest days and in the few moments that i'd shine. you never left my side when i wanted to be as far away from you as possible. and even if there are times when you would run out on me, i understood and let you be. this goes to show that we really deserved to be together, even if the odds are against us staying together.

through all these, amidst the shock i'm still feeling which i know in time i'll get over, i want to glorify, praise, and thank you for all the things you have done for me. that shows what you're capable of, and for that, i have nothing but respect and love for you. i hold you in the highest standard and would sing praises to people when i'm asked to talk about you. you have made me a better person and for that, again, i say nothing but thanks. though we'll see each other from time to time, and when we do, i'll never fail to say hello and give you that smile you always wanted to see. i'll miss you and the nights we've spent together. you have been very wonderful to me. thank you. goodbye.

rarely do i get upset about the things happening in society, the government and how the majority of the people (read: the masses) think. what's much more rare is that i let my sentiments about it be posted here. looking back, the last thing that i found really, really, really stupid about people going crazily mad about something that really makes no sense getting that much attention is the ad about the whiskey being compared to a 15-year old girl (where the ad reads, "have you tasted a 15-year old lately?" in filipino). frankly speaking, i don't see any connection whatsoever between that brand of whiskey and molesting a young girl. and yet these so-called "moralists" cried foul saying it insinuates child prostitution. i mean, WHAT???!!! only perverts think that. so putting two and two together, these "moralists" are the ones who have perverted minds. but anyway, that's another story.

the other thing i'm stark raving mad about is how the investigation is being done on the aftermath of the stampede that happened last weekend over a noontime show's first anniversary celebration. as early as now, pardon me for posting the next sentence is all caps because i just want to make one point very, very clear: THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME, NOR SOMEONE SHOULDN'T BE CRIMINALLY CHARGED FOR WHAT HAPPENED LAST SATURDAY. no, i'm not defending the network (abs-cbn), nor i'm siding with them. quite frankly, i watch the other noontime show on the other network, most specifically, a certain portion where knock-knock jokes are blown out of proportion (it always gets a kick out of me for some reason). but i'm just looking at the bigger picture. does the word "accident" even exist anymore? nowadays, when someone from the authorities say that when a certain "tragedy" or "accident" happens, what always comes next is, "someone will be held liable." so what if 30,000 people want to come and see if they are lucky enough to win the prizes up for grabs? it's their freedom and right to do so. yet the relatives of those who died are still thinking of pressing charges?! it's not the organizers' fault, nor was it the network's. whatever the preparations the network and program organizers had to contain the crowd had already been put in place. they got a venue they think was applicable for such an event and form what i understand, is the only one available at that time to accommodate a big crowd. it's not the network's fault that they didn't anticipate a bigger number of people waiting in line to get in. whatever "contingency plan" the investigators are pursuing should have been implemented is already mute at that point because whatever was in place was what had been planned. going back to what i said earlier, they did not know that there was a much bigger number of people, more that what they had expected to arrive for the show. it was an accident (pure and simple) waiting to happen. not that i'm also saying that it was the fault of the people who went there, but merely, a lack of common sense. the crowd was already told that it cannot accommodate everyone into the venue, yet these people, instead of going home and calling it a day, still insisted on getting in. with that in mind, let me say it again: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN.

the network's big boss already claimed full responsibility for the incident and vowed assistance and help to the families of the victims. which i think is and should be enough. period. there's already no need in forming these "panels" or "investigating bodies" or "task forces" to "get those responsible and put them to justice." it's just a big waste of time and resources. and just this morning, i read in the paper that the people who were at the venue were "treated like animals" by the organizers, especially those who camped out for days before the show. WHAT THE HELL?!?! should the network also be responsible for the food and lodging of it's viewers who want to get in and therefore slept outside? again, those who went there early are responsible for looking out for themselves in the first place. it's what is called "personal responsibility." you go there, you take care of yourself and don't ask (read: beg) for food or money and all the more you shouldn't blame the organizers for not providing you with such. on the same newspaper, i also read that the government is considering cancelling the license to operate of the network because of what happened. WHAT THE F**K?!?!? just because of one accident, does that tantamount to closure?? look at the network's reputation. how many accidents have they had regarding the same scenario? none, right? the network have worked long and hard to build it's reputation for being the country's biggest network through blood, sweat and tears, and now just because of one accident, and that's it, bye bye network? people in government have a really f**ked up way of thinking.

i admire the show's host, mr. willie revillame for what he said in an interview hours after what happened. as we all know, the entertainment industry here in the philippines is contained to abs-cbn channel 2 versus gma 7. and it's no secret that both stations have slugged it out for years for ratings supreme. one would sometimes manage to topple the other and vice versa in methods unimaginable for the common televiewer. yet mr. revillame, in all humility asked and pleaded that for once, these two network giants help one another in providing assistance to the victims of the stampede. that for once, let them forget the ratings war and work together since they have the same interest–which is to provide quality entertainment for the people. now that's a class act by someone who i didn't really like before. but knowing the history of these two networks, i'm closely watching the actions of the other network and trying to see if they are, in one form or another, trying to take advantage of the other's misfortune by either saying that they're the better, more people-friendly network or influence people in government or the authorities to bring down abs-cbn. believe me, if they do, then gma 7 would have sunk beneath the depths of the lowest of the low. again, i'm partial between these two since i watch shows on both. it's just interesting to see what they will do in this situation.

i said it once, i said it twice, and i'll repeat it once more. there's no one to blame in this incident. it is a tragedy, yes. and yes, there will be lessons learned from this. but to accuse the show's organizers and the network bosses for being irresponsible for a natural event (read: mob mentality) which i know and believe that they have done anything and everything to control and contain the people wanting to get in to enjoy for two or three hours on a weekend, is really, really, really absurd, uncalled for, pathetic, stupid, a big waste, silly, it shows incompetence and lack of common sence in people in government and the authorities, and is just plain sick. what really needs to be done is to help out the families of the victims, to make sure they're given everything they need to start over and move on. and maybe, just maybe, to define the word "accident" as it really is.