it was an hour and a half past noon on a very warm and humid thursday, just as what was predicted.  the weather has been on and off lately, and it being the last month of the year doesn't seem to change things, even when christmas is just around the corner.  he had waited for this day to come, well, not nearly as it took him a couple of years to finally be able to do it.  he always thought that he would find the time to settle everything, only to realize that putting it off led to days becoming months, and months becoming years.  he had just had lunch with a colleague, and was now on his way to finish everything.

as he drove through christmas traffic, a lot of things came to mind.  memories of how things were at that time start to creep back and present itself as if the events were in front of him, like a video highlight of days past.  there were times where he struggled for the most part, felt sick about it, and didn't like what was happening, yet for the latter part, everything became so good that he felt being a part of something special.  and those times reminded him how blessed he was to be there, to take part in something that made him grow as a person, and how things have turned from something he nearly gave up, to something he almost couldn't let go.  yet there was the reality that things change, and that not everything is set in stone.  he had to let go and he had to go.  there was no changing that.  it was one of the hardest things he had to do, but for him to survive, and for him to become better, he had to.  yet the parting of ways wasn't as smooth as he hoped it would be.  his leaving was as sudden as he came in.  he still expected something in the end, but in order for him to get it, he had to make the first move.

he finally arrived at the place.  he was quite hesitant to approach where he needed to be, but he had already come this far to turn back now.  he gave his name to the person on the reception area and he was asked to take a seat and wait.  again, more memories came rushing back.  he caught himself smiling at times when a funny incident happened, and felt frowning when there were days when he wished could've been better.  but that's all in the past now.  what matters is, inevitable as it seems, is that things end now.  he felt nervous as his name was called, and he slowly approached the person who called him.  he was presented with papers to sign, and after browsing through it for a couple of seconds, put his pen to the paper and affixed his signature.  it was done.  his clearance from the company he worked for before his last one was finally settled, his final pay given in a form of a check.  it was bittersweet for him as he knew he no longer had any reason to come back to that place.  well, at least not in the next three to five years, or unless they come calling, offering him something he couldn't refuse.  but, as of now, their paths have crossed for the last time.  he left the building with a wry smile on his face, clutching the envelope with the check, satisfied with what he got (a plus to his christmas budget for sure), yet no amount can ever compensate for the time he spent with the people he worked with, for the experience itself was priceless.  he looked back as the glass door was closing, and he knew, right there and then, that he won't be opening those for a very long time.

i looked at the calendar today and realized that it's 12 days to go before christmas.  so if i were to sing the song "twelve days of christmas," day one would be today.  no, wait, if i were to count christmas day itself, then day one would fall on thursday.  that's what happens when you hate math and math hates you.  but, whatever.  what's more startling is that i'm 10% done with my christmas shopping.  well, at least for gifts i'll be giving to the people on my list this year.

i went to greenhills this past sunday, supposedly to do my christmas shopping, but i ended up buying additional wardrobe for myself.  mental note:  never ask or let your mom and your sister come with you when you do your christmas shopping.  chances are, you'll end up worrying about how they're keeping up with where you're going rather than checking the items on your list.  and that's what happened.  don't get me wrong, i enjoy being with them.  but only on normal days when we go to the mall or do the grocery.  christmas shopping should be an exception to the rule.  especially when you have plans of buying gifts for them.  oh well, lesson learned.

is it just me or is traffic at this time of the year better than the same time last year?  i hardly noticed any traffic jams over the weekend, well, not withstanding the non-stop rain we had this past sunday, but if memory serves me right, traffic on early december of last year was already a nightmare.  is it better because less people are out shopping, or is it bad because people in general don't spend time for christmas shopping anymore, thus slowly eroding the christmas spirit?  i dunno, i'm an optimist, yet a realist sometimes so i wouldn't know what to make of it.

there's an unwritten item in my christmas wishlist this year.  well, it has always been (not) there since, like, two years ago.  nope, it's not what you're normal mind would conceive.  oh well, hope that one gets finally written off this year.  if not, there's still my birthday this coming year.  though that would entail another five months of… more searching?

the sun is up, the weather is fine, the spirit is in the air, christmas is here… at least there's something for me to smile about.

just an FYI, i have completed transferring all of my entries from my previous blog to this one, right down to the posting date and time.  unfortunately, i cannot say the same for the comments since there is no way to edit the dates when the comment was made.  although i still have all the comments saved in a separate file for reference purposes.  so feel free to browse through my previous entries and add a new comment if you wish.

another thing, i added a line on my previous entry (highlighted in bold letters) clarifying my stand on what i believe what happened.  some who read my blog and approached me instead of posting a comment may have misunderstood me, but hey, i've had this argument before on saying what i want to say on my own blog and i'm not about to start that all over again.  no one can dampen my christmas mood.  🙂

i have finished my new blog site. please go to http://markie.i.ph for the new version. i'll keep this account open primarily for archiving purposes. i'll also have to do some manual archiving to be on the safe side. i thank the good people at ebloggy for hosting my blog for free for the past two and a half years. i'll always be grateful to this site for being a part of my online life. again, thank you.

please update your links. again the site is http://markie.i.ph. hope to hear from all of you there. thanks.

a couple of weeks ago, i posted an entry regarding whether or not to pursue my dream of becoming a radio disc jockey by auditioning in season three of rx 93.1's radio idol. after going over the thought, i decided not to push for it, thus retiring that particular dream. given the current career that i have, not to mention the schedule, i felt that i will be having a difficult time (if ever) balancing work with the idea of chasing a dream. though it is with a heavy heart that i decided to forego one of the things i most wanted to do, i look at it in two ways: one, that the timing of the audition is not one that would, let's say, play a major role in influencing me to start rehearsing my once mastered on-air lines and brave through the hundreds of would-be applicants in the audition line; and two, not enduring the self-absorption of pity that i would give myself should i not make it even past the initial stage, and not having the "see-i-told-you-so,-you-should'nt-have-wasted-your-time-going-through-all-that-when-in-the-three-times-(okay,-four)-that-you-tried,-nothing-happened,-so-what-does-that-tell-you?" thought running through my head everyday for the next three weeks after the no-call by the radio station. yet i'm not entirely that sad in letting go of a dream. i did try several times in the past, so i guess that's enough. a heartfelt gesture of gratitude goes to -a- for reminding me through the tagboard about the audition. and coming from someone who has actually been there made it even more heartwarming in the sense that that person knew that i wanted to work in radio and encouraged me to try. again, thank you. no amount of what if's would make me regret my decision. to whoever it is that would make it, best of luck to you. with that, this officially ends my quest of becoming a radio jock. all my music playing from now on will be relegated in the confines of my room, the PC, and the car. well, unless a top official from a radio station (one that i listen to or am comfortable with their format) personally calls me up and offers me the job directly, then that would automatically make me think. but that happening would be a case of wishful thinking now, wouldn't it?

it's now 77 days until christmas. my favorite time of the year. though it is one big irony that yes, it is my favorite time of the year, and yes, it is the only time of the year where i'm at my most happiest, yet it's also the time when i feel the loneliest. yeah, i know it's mushy and corny, but that's how it is. but don't get me wrong, i AM happy during the yuletide season, it's just not for myself. this is where i spend money on gifts for family, friends, colleagues, godchildren, of which i think half should've gone to my significant other. that is, IF i have one. a year after my ex and i broke up, my christmas wish then was for someone new. and i wished that every christmas for the next five years. and since then, i stopped wishing for reasons that were fairly obvious–nothing was coming out of the wish i was making. so then i started wishing that women who i have fallen for have the happiness that they want, even if they hurt me in the end. i don't know what made me make that wish, but since then, i never stopped having that wish. in fact, that wish transcended into a prayer i made whenever i receive communion during sunday mass. though i'm not that religious, i still believe in divine intervention. with that, i would like to share this prayer to everyone for reasons that are my own. here goes:

dear Lord, i receive this communion of Your body not for my sake, for i am not worthy, being a sinner. but may the graces and blessings of this Holy bread i receive go to the women who have touched my heart and whom i loved wholeheartedly, (say name(s) here). grant them the happiness that they want and deserve, the peace of mind they long for, the love that they need, and the health that they cherish. send Your Holy Spirit to bless them and guide them in the decisions that they do, send my own guardian angel for their protection in times of danger and adversity, and let no harm come to them, for their sadness would also be my own. look upon them with love and forgive them for their sins. keep them safe Lord as you have always done for them, Amen.

i have been saying this prayer every time i hear mass for close to five years now and will continue to do so. i guess women continue to come into my life and then leave me so that i may pray for them. but kidding aside, i have never heard of any unfortunate incident with the women who i pray for, so i guess it's working. back to christmas, i'm guessing that it'll be the same this year. the only good thing about it i guess will be my budget will be a bit bigger that last year's. so that either means more gifts to buy or more expensive ones. it's the start of the christmas season (well, at least for me)! time for me to be happy again. =)