***rant mode:  on***

there are times when a certain something hits a designated point, everything (well, nearly) is thrown in disarray.  i mean, it is absolutely dumbfounding when you try to go with the flow and follow what has been the norm, even if you have proven it doesn't work, only to end up with your face flat on the ground and the back of your mind just screams at you with the i told you so speech.  what's worse is that what's going to hit you is already streamrolling in front of you just as you're starting to move forward, and before you get any traction going… boom!  never knew what hit you.

yes, this involves the female gender.  time and again i have proven how courtship doesn't work, or leads to an unreal relationship because the guy just brings out his best attitude and qualities as a person.  it doesn't feel natural to me ever since and i don't see it being the be all and end all of how a relationship starts.  i'd rather start out with me and the girl as friends because at least, you show your true self.  no pretentions, no hang-ups.  in the long run, you'll accept each other for who and what you are, shortcomings and all, and not the different sides of you sprouting like mushrooms after a thunderstorm when you're already together.

take this as an example:  i met this girl at work through a colleague.  i have noticed her even before we met, and yes, she's attractive and seems like a nice person.  one thing about me is that most of the time, i get intimidated around attractive and beautiful women.  in passing told colleagues about this girl and they advised me to give it a shot and try to court her.  naturally, i told them that she won't fancy me as such and that a woman like her has to have someone special in her life.  when we found out that she doesn't, their prodding stepped up.  eventually, we were introduced and one of my colleagues even tried to set us up for a date.  while a date seemed an ok idea, the back of my mind keeps telling me, "a date?  you don't even know her yet, so why go out on a date so soon?  shouldn't you try getting to know her first, without the date?"  it was logical to me, yes.  all first dates end up defining what comes next anyway, so i held back on that one.

still, my colleagues kept teasing me whenever she comes to work (her work area is right beside mine).  gamely, she shoots back, throwing a couple of hints about what she wants to have, like coffee from gloria jeans, and jokingly saying that she'll have half of my monthly earnings in order for us to be together.  i took everything in stride and just laughed it out.  this went on on a daily basis and after some time, one of my colleagues told me to make true on what she said and surprise her by bringing her coffee just as she comes in for work.  seeing nothing wrong with that, i did so a couple of weeks ago.  i bought her a cremé bruleé from gloria jeans, just as she wanted.  problem was, i didn't know if she wanted it hot or cold.  naturally, since she was starting her day, i decided to get the hot one.  upon giving it to her, she was surprised, at the same time thankful that she finally got one from me.  upon giving it to her, she then tells me, "so now, are you officially courting me?"  to which i just replied with a laugh.  after a couple of minutes, she then makes passing remarks that she doesn't take her coffee hot, but cold.  i was, "like you specifically told me what you wanted,"  to myself.  but in any case, i let it pass by and apologized to her and promising to make it up to her next time.

a couple of days later, i made good on my promise.  i bought her exactly what she wanted, to her delight.  she then asks me the same question as before, to which i replied with the same reply i gave her.  on that same day, i ran into her at the pantry and asked her how her coffee was.  she thanked me again for it, and then started running by me a schedule as to what days i should give her coffee.  i told myself, "when did that happen?"  i then jokingly told her that right, so there is a schedule.  and since then, during those days she mentioned, she hollers over to me and asks, "where is my coffee?" i'm not that stupid to bring her coffee as per her schedule not knowing what will come next.  she then starts the cold treatment at me at times.  i mean, i don't even know her that well yet enough to make a serious bid whether to pursue a relationship with her or not.

right now, i decided to stop pursuing her.  it's useless, i guess because if she's that way right now, what will she be like if i continued on?  i mean, we still talk and all, but as far as courting her is concerned, the buck stops here.  and don't tell me that crap about having to prove myself despite everything she throws at me.  i mean, why should it be that way?  why should women make false pretenses to guys who like them?  i once received a text message that read, "why do women want to be courted to be loved forever?  should it be, 'love me now and i'll court you forever?'"  now that completely makes sense to me.  the world would have less divorces, less love quarrels and less break-ups if that were the norm.

hey, it's the middle of the week.  forgive me, i'm just in a ranting mood today.  😦

***rant mode:  off***

it's barely a month–if i'm not mistaken–before the elections take place for local and senatorial seats.  while all the brouhaha and noise of the campaign trail resumes after the holy week, and survey results left and right come about, i'm guessing there is still a bloc of the voting population who are still undecided as to who to vote.  as for me, well, i do have a draftlist of candidates who will get my vote.  it's not yet complete, but between now and election day, it'll help me study closely who to fill in on those blanks.  what i do have for sure, are the prominent people (i don't call them candidates because, well, i don't see them as such) who absolutely won't be getting my vote.  and i do hope to spread the word in some small way through this entry for those out there who are thinking of writing the following names on their ballots not to do so.  don't worry, i'll explain why.  so please, do not vote for the following people who are mad in thinking that they can do something good in the philippine senate:

1.  richard gomez and cesar montano – these are a few examples of celebrity status gone to their heads.  only in the philippines do celebrities have ambitions of being in public office.  i mean, honestly, are these two even qualified–and by god i do mean qualified–to make and enact laws based on what they know?  just because they're "popular," they think that they can get away with a win?  for goodness sakes, please, let's not make a joke out of our senate institution by electing these two.  let them do good where they're good at, and that's acting.  actually,  that's already saying too much.

2.  alan peter cayetano – all he's doing is lambast first gentleman mike arroyo and his alleged ill-gotten wealth and swiss bank accounts.  i am by no means an avid fan of the first gentleman, but this senate-hopeful doesn't have a solid platform to run on.  what, when he gets elected, he'll take his allegations to the first gentlemen to the next level?  address issues, not just lobby charges, idiot.

3.  prospero pichay – this guy had a good thing going when the campaign period started.  but what made me change my mind about finally not voting for him is his campaign posters sprawled all over the place, especially along the route i use going to and from work.  doesn't that constitute grounds for disqualification, his posters not on comelec-designated common poster areas?  i mean, i know some other candidates have posters outside of those areas, but not like the numbers this guy has.  plus, i came to realize that his initial slogan, translated to:  "my dream is to make your dreams come true," is plain, outright stupid.  sir, i have a dream of having my own condo unit and my own souped-up mazda6.  can you give that to me when you get elected?  i don't think so!  plus there is news that he allegedly campaigned during the holy week, which is a no-no.  that just adds icing to the cake.

4.  gringo honasan and antonio trillanes – a good example of guys undergoing identity crisis.  the only reason that they're running is that when they win, all the charges against them will surely be dropped.  just because gringo was out of the senate doesn't mean he can do what he wants and cause unrest among the military and then run back to the senate when he can't stand the heat again?  this guy is outta whack.  and just because trillanes rose to infamy through the oakwood mutiny doesn't mean he'll get a sympathy vote for his views.

5.  tessie aquino-oreta – she may have switched sides, but her tv ad wherein she answered–in tears, or was is acting?–the question as to why she did the "dancing queen" routine during the impeachment trial, made me absolutely sick.  i almost kicked the living shit out of my tv when i first saw that ad.  you don't have to overact, just answer the question, plain and simple.  some people may fall for her act, but not everyone buys her story.

6.  loren legarda – it's sad, at the same time a pity, that she was left off my list.  i was actually thinking twice about voting her, but seeing her actions after she lost the vice-presidential race, plus the fact that she jumped ship after being a staunch advocate of the administration before the national elections took place back in 2004 and sided with the opposition, sealed the deal.  for me, she lost her credibility, one that she painstakingly built back when she was a journalist, and to see her cry over spilled milk lowered my respect for her.  she may be leading in the surveys, but she won't definitely get my vote.

7.  john osmeña – he's (or is it she?) using his family's legacy in government service in his bid to be brought back to the senate, which i think is a mistake.  well, mistake on his part.  his relatives have done very significant and important things in government service.  what has he done?  what he's doing is ruining his family's name, so he better just stand aside and let the real men and women do the work.

8.  aquilino "koko" pimintel iii – there's already a parent-offspring tandem in the senate, let's not have another one, shall we?

9.  sonia roco – i know and understand that she has good intentions and all, but she's nowhere near the stature as her late husband has in terms of accomplishments, plus the fact that she never held any public office before, so what makes me think she's qualified for being a senator of the land?  it's a pity she was dragged into the dirty world of politics when her late husband has done so much preserving their name from intrigue and political misrepresentation.

so far, these are the names that are sure not to end up on my ballot.  there is also a list of candidates in my watchlist, meaning those i'm not sure of voting, but may go either way once election day nears.  as usual, comments are welcome.  i'll let my picks be known a couple of days before the elections.  until then, i urge everyone to look at each candidate and see what he or she can really bring to the table in terms of the country's progress, and not continue the mudslinging once they get there.  it's time we learned our lesson.  it's a cliché, but i do hope we all vote wisely.

not much happened during this year's holy week observance.  it's just by sheer coincidence that my rest days fell on maundy thursday and good friday, so i'm back to work on saturday night (sunday morning).  sans the holiday pay, i would still prefer to have those two days off and do the things we usually do on good friday which was the way of the cross by visiting churches.  we have always done two stations per church, and it's no different this year, although i wished that we would visit churches we haven't been to before.  what stopped us from doing so is my cousin (who owns the auv we used to visit the churches), saying that we should only visit the churches nearest to our location so as to save on gasoline.  i found that a bit out of place, since holy week was about sacrifice, so what better way to sacrifice than to spend time (and fuel) going from one church to another.  just before we left, we found out that one of our relatives actually visited 14 churches.  that's one station per church!  now that's something that i hatched an idea on for next year.  14 churches from north of manila to south of manila.  now that would be a real sacrifice-slash-adventure.  i'll be looking forward for that one next year.

so it's a long weekend.  a very long weekend.  well, not for me.  to think that with all the years i have spent working in this industry, by now i should be used to not having the same perks (such as real holidays with real work stoppage) as everyone else in the working class.  but noooo.  having holiday pay doesn't do justice.  some people may think otherwise, but hey, a holiday is a holiday in my book.  in any case, it's easter and this day should be a cause for celebration in the catholic world, so i'll leave bitching about not having a five-day weekend to another day.  my birthday is coming up in a few weeks–a month and a half to be exact–and i can't help thinking that i'm one year above the third decade.  plans come and go, and my grand plan of adopting a child to raise on my own upon not being married or engaged by 30 is officially shelved.  i have my reasons for doing so, and i just felt that it would be better to not force to change the status quo and just let fate and nature dictate it's course for me, not to mention the big G upstairs, if he has something for me.  but in any case, i'll just continue doing what i do–be a person for others–and take everything else in stride.  i still believe in karma, so as the old saying goes, "what goes around, comes around."

happy easter to everyone!  🙂

my brother came home from a company-sponsored trip to japan this past saturday night.  he was there since the first week of january for training purposes, so it was quite a long stint for him.  'twas also his first time to be sent by the company he's working for and also his first time out of the country since our trip to the US back in '97.

of course we're all thrilled that he's home and while it was a given that he brought home some goodies from the land of high-tech gadgets, nothing has floored me more than when he gave me a 30GB ipod.  it also supports pictures and plays mp4 video, so i guess it's a 30GB ipod video.  my god, i now have an ipod!  even now, three days after his arrival, i still cannot believe what i have in my possession.  this was just on my wishlist before and for the second straight year, i got at least one of the things i have on my wishlist.  talk about unbelievable!  i actually noticed upon him getting into the car that night from the airport that he had a set of earphones on and while i assumed that he was just listening to music using his n70, it left me speechless when, upon arriving home, he removed the earphones (which were hanging by the back of his neck during the ride home) and pulled something from his pocket and handed it to me, saying that it was for me.  i never realized that it was an ipod because it was still in it's case and upon pulling it out, that's when shock (in a good way) overcame me.  damn!!  🙂

i started using it sunday morning and installed itunes on my pc.  the only drawback i see on this device is that the songs cannot be dragged and dropped to the ipod from the pc.  it always has to use the sync command to transfer mp3s to and from the pc (well, transfer to the ipod only since syncing (did i spell it right?) automatically erases the songs which are de-selected).  i guess i still need to get used to the software, but nonetheless, it's all good.  the funny thing is, all the mp3s–and i mean all–on my pc can be transferred to my ipod and i still have, like 15GB of free space left.  so i'm guessing this is where pictures and video come into play.  my videos (favorite music videos) are in mpeg format and i still have to convert it to mp4, so that'll take some work.

thanks to my brother, i now have something new to focus my free time on.  being a music lover, this is something that i will definitely bring whenever i leave the house.  sadly though, i cannot bring it to work with the security thing and all.  he is one really, really cool brother.  the ipod was, as others often put it, an unexpected surprise.  but isn't a surprise be unexpected by default?  how will be a surprise if you know it'll come your way?  now that is a different story.

upon reaching home yesterday around noon-ish, i turned on the tv to see what was on.  i normally tune to the news on a local uhf channel to keep myself updated with what's happening since i hardly have time watching the evening edition.  yet somehow, i found myself checking out the cable movie channels and to my surprise, saw that the movie notting hill was on.  though i started on the part where hugh grant was getting out of the elevator hotel with a boquet of flowers in hand, thinking that he would be alone with julia roberts but instead faced a mob of movie people in a press conference for julia's character having a new movie, i still got hooked and never changed the channel again.  the thing is, i do have that movie on dvd and had planned on watching it for the longest time (i lost count as to how many times i've seen it), for some reason it always slipped my mind, and now here i am, watching it when i least expected it.

i admit that this movie is one of my all-time favorites, yet i don't know the reason why i like this movie that much.  perhaps it gives the notion that a simple man can have things he would never dream of.  i mean, what are the odds that the simplest of simple guys get to have a big hollywood celebrity as his girlfriend, and eventually his wife?  true that there were times that they were at each other's necks (well, at least julia was on hugh's, most of the time), but the fact that they got to meet, interact and get along is hollywood enough.  oh well, bottomline is that it's still a movie to watch over and over again (but not in rapid succession) and it has a very basic, but good story.  and to end this weird entry, i'll take an excerpt dialogue from the film which i found funny (among other parts of the movie) and at the same time, worth thinking about:

anna (julia):  i can't believe you have that painting (looks at mark chagall's painting on the wall of william's pad).

william (hugh):  you like chagall?

anna:  it's how happiness should be.  flying, wandering around…

william:  with a goat, playing a violin…

anna:  well, yeah.  happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat.