just want to take time out from my busy schedule and say:

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM!!  😀

 

we may not see each other eye to eye all the time, but you're still my mom and i love you!  wish you all the best!!  😀

another slew of work-related stuff just got thrown my way…  well, slightly more than what my colleagues have on their plate.  aside from the mid-year appraisals for my team that i'll be working on (this means my brain will be squeezed dry of words and sentences for write-ups, AFIs, and recommendations), more administrative duties were assigned to me.  not to mention my inclusion in the department's basketball team for the company sportsfest which will eat up some of my weekends as well.  which means i'll be out of the loop and the blogging world for a couple of weeks… again.  it's a good thing though i'll be having two consecutive three-day weekends next week and a four-day weekend at the end of august or i'll be losing my mind… literally.  hopefully i'll be able to squeeze in my re-rescheduled personal commitments during those days, so it's still not a complete vacation in the way that i want it to be.  i guess this is what i get for being "dependable and efficient…"  or so i was told.

 

i'd like to take this space to give due credit and congratulations to our department's cheer dancers for winning the cheering competition this past saturday during the opening ceremonies of the company sportsfest.  i failed to recognize and include them on the slideshow during the department's townhall presentation two weeks prior and since then, i've had nothing but snippets of angst from them and a promise of a mouthful after making a vow to go all out and win the competition, which they did.  yes, it's my fault, i apologize and i accept full responsibility for overlooking you people during the townhall.  i hope this particular gesture makes it up for your tireless efforts in practice and your unwavering desire to be the best among the other departments.  congratulations and good job!  cheers!  😀

coming off the heels of the previous entry (see entry below; and i have to admit, i still think about that incident sometimes), it made me suddenly think of things, well, that should've been against what is the norm these days.  i can't recall if i wrote something similar to this (am i just too lazy to backread, or an early case of alzheimer's perhaps?), but i know for sure that i have tackled the things in the real world against things in the ideal world.  not exactly polar opposites, but contrasting just the same.  so below are the things that ran through my distraught head since that fateful day, with side comments on some in parenthesis.  of course, they are all open to your own interpretations and/or corrections and both are welcome.

 

…in the ideal world, your reputation is based on your character; in the real world, your character is based on your reputation.

…in the ideal world, doing a good job within your job description entitles you to a promotion; in the real world, getting a promotion entails you doing a good job outside your job description… and you have to apply for it.  (gone were the days where a promotion is just handed to you, aren't they?)

…in the ideal world, you need because you love; in the real world, you love because you need.  (a cliché, yes, but close to a truth as one can be)

…in the ideal world, getting famous means you have control over time to do your projects; in the real world, getting famous means your projects control your time.

…in the ideal world, staring at a beautiful woman would make her proud; in the real world, staring at a beautiful woman would make her file a sexual harrassment case against you.

…in the ideal world, doing good things for others makes one noble; in the real world, doing good things for others makes one a doormat.  (speaking from personal experience)

…in the ideal world, rubbing elbows with upper management labels you in good company; in the real world, rubbing elbows with upper management labels you a kiss-ass.  (hmmm…)

…in the ideal world, love "is blind;" in the real world, love is blind, deaf, mute, paralytic, and all the other things that a handicapped person is.  in short, it's taken for granted.

…in the ideal world, a simple mistake is easily written off; in the real world, a simple mistake can be easily written on record… and adds to your reputation (see first line).

…in the ideal world, when the boss says, "you're not obliged to, but you're encouraged to," means that it's voluntary; in the real world, when the boss says, "you're not obliged to, but you're encouraged to" means that it's voluntary, but you'll be seen in a bad light when you don't.

and last but not the least, and one of my "bitter pills," (because it's so true these days that at times, it's hard to accept it):

…in the ideal world, good enough is always enough; in the real world, good enough is never enough (partly taken from CNN).

 

forgive me for ranting, but it's a monday, and i hate mondays.  even if it is the second day of my work week.  i could sure use an ice-cold san mig light right about now… or a scotch, whiskey, or brandy on the rocks…  but an office-provided coffee machine is the only one available, so what the heck…

it was a warm tuesday mid-afternoon, july 17, 2007.  i was settling down in my room getting ready to get some sleep.  work has been stressing as of late, and my mind doesn't seem to get off of the things i needed to do.  although i have done this type of project before, forces beyond my control made it more than a challenge for me.  that time, i was thinking that everything will present itself at the last minute (which it eventually did).  so there i was, lying on my bed, trying to calm and relax my hyperactive mind in order to get some shut-eye.  i was thinking of something (or someone) to take my mind off things, and she suddenly just presented itself.  so i started thinking about the last time we got together, and how she has been silent ever since.  she has always been that way since the time of, well, what happened between us a couple of years ago.  on and off communication was the norm and quite frankly, i was starting to feel frustrated with that.  i had long wanted to tell her that, but everytime we get together, that thought seems to just disappear like a bubble.  so at that time, i was thinking that the next time we would talk, i'll really use that chance to tell her everything to set things straight.

 

out of nowhere, my mobile phone alerted me with a text message.  it was her.  i was thinking, "did i manage to send a mental telepathy message or somethin'?"  anyway, to be direct and straight to the point, below is the sms conversation we had.  take it for what it's worth, but i'm posting the entire transcript of the conversation to show how i felt during that time.  of course, i had the message exchange in filipino translated to english, since i don't want to break my streak of not posting anything in filipino.  not even this event can prompt me to make an exception.  again, this is the text conversation we had, not a talk over the phone.  so, here goes:

 

her:  hi.

me:  yes?

her:  where are you?

me:  at home.

her:  you didn't go to the gym?

me:  i was there yesterday.  i'll be going back tomorrow.  why?

her:  nothing.  is it bad to ask?

me:  nope, i'm just asking as well.

(at this point, i remembered her promise to me that we'll be going out upon her suspension from work which she told me when we last went out.)

her:  are you about to get some sleep?

me:  yeah, just about.

me (new message):  so, will we still go out?

her:  my suspension is over.  i went to anilao and bataan.

me:  great.  we didn't even get a chance to go out.  you said we would when your suspension will be served.  still nothing.

her:  yeah, the two weeks weren't enough.  i guess it should've been a month. (the suspension)

(at this point, i saw the opportunity i was looking for, so i jumped on it.)

me:  i guess there's nothing i can do much, really.  even if you said that we'll go out, if something more enticing comes your way, it's easy for you to just move our plans.  but that's ok, i'm used to it already.  i mean, you're always like that.  you only think or remember me when you run out of people to talk to.  you know what, yes, i'm frustrated.  call me a drama king, get mad at me, but whether you admit it or not, that's really what's happening here.  but you know me, i always try to understand your situation.

(it took a while for her to reply back.)

her:  whoa, is there an awards night or something?

me:  right, that's where you're good at.  veering away at serious conversations and being insensitive at times.  thanks.

her:  yeah, they say i'm good at that, and it's also an asset.  hehehehe

(i was getting pretty emotional at this point.)

me:  i know you have lots of other friends and stuff to do.  it's just that i wish at least you would show the same attitude i give you whenever i readily drop everything when you ask me to come see you or pick you up at the office.  all i'm asking is that you keep your promises.  you promised me a lot of things, but almost nothing was fulfilled.

(i was on a roll, and i won't let this opportunity slip by, so i made the most of it.)

me (new message):  if you're going to treat me as someone who you'll talk or go out with whenever you don't have anyone else to ask, just do it to someone else.  i have always treated and considered you as a close and special friend–at times, even more than such–despite what you did, or haven't done.  i guess i have every right to be this way to you.  it's getting pretty unfair already.

her:  ok, from now on you won't hear anything from me.  bye.

me:  *sigh* i just hope that someday, you would understand…

 

and just like that, our conversation–maybe even our communication ties–finally ended.  it was already around half past 4pm and i was still awake, trying to make sense of what just happened, and at the same time thinking, "did i do the right thing?"  yet i'm only able to completely get a grasp of it all just this past thursday afternoon after all the project-related stuff was taken cared of.  at that time, work came creeping back to my mind and i had to get some sleep.

 

i talked to trina about it the next day and at the same time, trying to affirm to myself that i really did the right thing.  she did agree, saying that people sometimes don't like what they see when a mirror is held up to their face, figuratively speaking.  and now that i have the time to reflect on what happened, i guess the conversation was indeed a long time coming.  despite what i felt for her, how she treated me eventually took it's toll.  no, i'm not mad at her.  not at all.  i'm only frustrated at what she's doing to me.  she'll always have a special place in my heart in spite of it all.  i just told her what i felt, and i was being honest about it and i had no idea why she felt what she sent on her last message.

 

in closing, well, it's ironic that it doesn't feel close to closing this chapter of my personal life.  it just adds to the pile of unanswered questions and open chapters of my personal life that may remain open for the rest of my life, or be closed god knows when.  it's just sad that things went the way it did.  i guess there's really a reason for everything.  for those of you wondering, i'm not putting her in a bad light.  i'm just saying the truth and what really happened.  whether she knows that i'm talking about her in this blog or not, it doesn't really matter.  so to you, donna, whether you're reading this or not, i still wish you the best and i still think highly of you.  i hope things go well for you, and take care always.

finally, some time to write.  the last week and a half have been very, very busy to say the least.  my team was tasked to be the sponsor for our department's townhall meeting which was held earlier today with two sessions.  preparations were really stressful and took it's toll on my health with me fighting two weeks of colds and a recent rise in coughing incidents.  i feared the worst yesterday when the coughing was at it's peak because the last time i had that bad of a case was when i lost my voice.  and being the host of the townhall meeting, that is something to be very wary about.  good thing my throat held it's own and everything went smoothly.  i've been receiving kudos and congratulations all around for a successful townhall event.  the downside of it is, that i had to shoulder the expenses first before being reimbursed.  so with the onset of the weekend, i'm more than 5k short of my budget which will be credited back to my salary by next week… hopefully.  so definitely, i'll be stuck at home this weekend for the first time in weeks.  those of you kind enough, well, you can drop by my place.  just bring the booze, ok?  😀

 

but enough of that, since all of it is behind me.  there were also things that happened during the past week and a half that were… eventful.  since i'll be spending more time at home this weekend, i'll be writing the most recent one by tomorrow.  here's a hint:  be ready for a long read on my next entry.  i'm guessing tomorrow's entry will be one of the most emotional ones i'll ever put down on my blog.  now that the distraction that is the townhall is out of it's way, i'm starting to let that event sink into me further down.  for the meantime, i'll just take the rest of the day relaxing my mind and concentrate on writing tomorrow.  that should be a good emotional exercise.

 

i apologize for not being updated, but i'm back.  thanks for those who took time to send me messages asking how i am since i was away from the blogging world as of late.  i appreciate your concern(s) very much.  makes me realize that there are still people who are good to me.  i wish you success tenfold.  until tomorrow, enjoy the rest of the day!