today marked the first day of another school year in the country.  there was heavier traffic, more congested public transport, and the realization (other than my birthday) that i’m getting older.  but school’s not all that bad, i mean, yeah, back when we were students, we would always love to skip that day or subject and wish we were somewhere (or with someone) else.  but looking back at it, i’m certain that all of us have one of the top three most memorable moments in our entire lives–whether it be good or bad–as something to do with school.  and i’m not even talking about graduation ceremonies, but ordinary school days that turn out to be one for the books.  so for this entry, i’d like to share three of the most unforgettable school memories i have that i can recall (in no particular order):

1.  getting over a 90% grade in business mathematics subject (second year college) – now, anyone who has ever known me knows for a fact that i despise and hate math subjects.  whether it be plain mathematics, geometry, algebra, statistics, and anything that has to equate an x with a y, i would go bonkers when the professor or teacher starts explaining.  and the end result would always be a grade no higher than 80%.  so when i saw business mathematics for the first time on my registration paper for the semester, i thought, “great, another line of seven in the class card.”  add to that, the professor was well advanced in his age to teach that subject.  i thought either he was bored with being a senior citizen, or is not receiving enough in his retirement pension.  but my perception changed when he started to teach.  for some reason, he made that subject pretty damn easy to understand.  he used different scenarios for problem solving in computing for the discount and mark-up of prices, and principal and interest of loans.  each time the professor would teach, i grew more and more interested with the subject.  in no time, i nearly aced seatworks and exams, and would be often called to solve problems on the board.  for the first time in my entire scholastic life, i was enjoying math!  i guess this can easily relate to the real world, compared to the x’s and y’s that i can’t make practical heads or tails with.  and upon getting the class card, the percentage next to business mathematics was 92%.  that was the only bright spot in all of the mathematics subjects i have taken.  and i’m still damn proud of it.
2.  being stood up by my prom date (junior high school) – being in an all-boys school has it’s challenges.  interacting with the opposite sex is one of them.  so by the time i was in third year high school, all my friends were boys (naturally).  so when prom time was nearing, i had quite a problem in my hands.  most of my classmates back then already had a date.  luckily, weeks before the prom, it was the school’s foundation celebration.  it was usually a week-long commemoration, where the school is open to the public.  carnival rides, game booths, food, video games, concerts, and different activities are lined up to celebrate the school’s anniversary.  knowing that i was still date-less for the prom, my classmates decided to set me up.  i was going around the school grounds when one of them who owns a particular booth (i can’t quite remember the exact name, but it has something to do with handcuffs) suddenly grabbed me and pulled me to where his booth was.  things happened so fast that the next thing i remember, i was already handcuffed to a girl and my classmate then ordered us to go around the school for 20 minutes to get to know each other.  not wanting to pay the fine, i agreed to show her around.  we had a farily decent conversation while walking, and i finally was able to ask her if she would agree to be my date at the prom.  she agreed and i gave her my home number (she didn’t want to give hers).  i was able to convince my mom that i would be attending the prom with a date, so i also shouldered my date’s share of the expenses (nah, i was also able to convince my mom to pay for her).  we were having phone conversations days leading up to the prom.  my only problem that time was how to pick her up.  i didn’t have my own car at that time, and i was just hitching a ride with a friend going to the venue, who was also picking up her date.  i didn’t want to insist on also going somewhere to pick up my date since i was only just hitching, so i asked her if we can meet instead at the venue of the prom itself.  she agreed.  prom night then came.  i was nervous as hell.  i remember even playing a game of basketball with some neighbors in the afternoon to release some of the tension.  upon getting home, i was told that she called.  i thought that she was just confirming our agreement to meet at the venue.  so i got dressed and went over to my friend’s house.  we then left, picked up her date and headed to the venue.  i remember standing in front of the entrance along with some other schoolmates who were waiting for their friends to arrive.  not long, the number of people waiting with me started to dwindle.  up until the opening ceremonies were about to start, my date still hadn’t showed up.  i let the first few minutes of the prom go on until i realized that she wasn’t going to show.  so with dinner about to be served, i sadly walked inside and went to my table assignment.  i was the only one in that table who didn’t have a partner, and it really sucked.  i was so ashamed of myself that i got sick the following day (a sunday) and was absent on monday.  she never called me up again. i can’t even recall her name until now.  the embarrasment of being stood up was so great that during senior prom the following year, i decided to go stag along with some of my classmates.  looking back at it, i suppose it was the very, very first date that i got stood up on.

3.  going on a date with one of my teachers (senior high school) – now for this one, it came to mind when i tried to see if i can still remember the names of my teachers back in high school.  and this is a new revalation in my personal life.  i’m quite sure it was during senior high, but our friendship started back in junior high.  i also can’t recall exactly when the date happened.  she was my economics teacher and boy, was she gorgeous!  she’s also slim, soft-spoken, and had brains to boot.  yes, i had a secret crush on her at that time the moment i laid eyes on her.  she was around her early 20’s if i’m not mistaken while i was 16.  i also can’t quite recall exactly how we got close, but all i know was that i was frequenting the faculty room just to talk to her about the subject (a ridiculous excuse for me to go see her).  i was also friends with my algebra teacher at that time and he would always intervene while me and her were talking.  i finally was able to ask her out for dinner near her place after school.  at first, she was hesitant but finally obliged after i mentioned that it was just dinner and nothing else.  we ate at a fastfood joint near where she lived and talked about our personal lives.  it was a first for me, going out with someone older than me, and i guess a first for her as well, going out with a student.  i’m sorry to dampen your evil minds, but nothing happened after that.  i did offer to accompany her home though, but she mentioned that it was territory that i’m not familiar with anymore.  she did mention however that now that we’ve gone out, she was now comfortable talking to me about anything.  there wasn’t another date after that, but we still became close to the point that she would call me up at home late at night just to talk.  some of my classmates already noticed the unusual closeness me a
nd her had, and started making fun of me as a teacher’s pet.  but i didn’t pay attention to them, all i know is that i’m friends with someone i really, really liked.  i would spend most afternoons after dismissal near the faculty area just talking to her.  i have learned so much about her and i have shared my own stories to her as well.  sadly after high school graduation, for some reason, we never got to continue our friendship.  the very last time i talked to her was around 10 or 11 years ago, while i was having my practicum at one of the offices in makati.  i tried calling up the school and asked if she was still teaching there, and fortunately, she still was.  she was already married at that time and had a baby on the way.  when i learned that she was married, i felt kinda sad because i know for certain that there’ll be no way for us to go out again, even on a friendly date.  though i was hoping that she’d still be single at that time, in a way i was also happy for her because during our conversations before, she had always told me about wanting to settle down and starting a family.  my practicum ended a couple of days later and i again wasn’t able to contact her after that, though the thought had crossed my mind several times.  and i would always remember her whenever i pass through that school.  with all these things considered, a series of “what if’s” come to mind.  i know you know what those are, but let’s just leave those as they are.  i would always want to remember her as being a significant part of my student and personal life.  and it always puts a smile on my face whenever i remember her.

whew!  what a nostalgic trip down memory lane… see, school ain’t all that bad.  but admittedly, i do miss school.  not just the classroom and the learning part, but having the camaraderie with classmates, schoolmates, and friends.  so as students welcome the first day of school today, let us remember that despite the hassles it brings to us working professionals, we were once students too.  and the first day of school is just the first step to another memorable year in a student’s life.

 

this past friday evening, i attended a wedding of a male relative (second cousin) who’s basically in the same age range as i am.  only he’s a couple of years younger than me.  the wedding was held at sanctuario de san antonio in forbes park, makati city.  i had to take a cab going there from the office since i was the designated driver of my aunt’s AUV going from the church to the reception.  i arrived during the middle part of the mass and upon cautiously making my way near the altar, i calmly sat myself a couple of pews behind where my mom and aunt was.

 

the ceremony went like clockwork.  after the priest had given the final blessing and presented the newly wed couple, that was the first time i got to see the bride.  she was gorgeous.  but what caught me by surprise was when it was time to take group pictures with the couple up in front.  initially, of course, there was the sponsors, which i didn’t pay much attention to as i was talking to a cousin of mine who went with my mom and aunt going to the church.  when it was time to call on the family and relatives of the bride to come up front and take the picture with the couple, that’s when my jaw dropped.  i mean, this girl must’ve been in the upper echelons of society.  imagine having relatives like veteran sportscaster quinito henson and sports unlimited host dyan castillejo, just to name a few.  i was like, wow…. my cousin bagged one heck of a woman here…  when it was the groom’s family and relatives’ turn to take the group picture, that was when i went up to him for the first time in a long, long time, shook his hand and gave him a hug.  “thanks for coming, man,” was my cousin’s remark as he hugged me back.  we haven’t seen each other for a very, very long time since he went to the US some years back.

 

we then proceeded to rockwell tent, site of the wedding reception.  t’was the first time i went to that place so we got lost (sort of) in trying to find the parking area.  eventually, we did and went to find our table assignments.  the place wasn’t full, and the arrangements made were simple, but elegant.  in a couple of minutes, dinner was served.  it was a very sumptuous meal and i can’t remember the last wedding reception i attended that had that good food.  anyways, there was a video played after dinner showcasing the couple’s relationship.  and that’s where it hit me.  as i was watching picture after picture of the happy couple together during their dating years in different areas and different settings, i suddenly felt envious.  it’s as if “damn, when is it going to be my turn up there?”  as the sad realization that at 32, i’m still single started to sink in, a heavy feeling of sadness suddenly enveloped me.  i’ve been single for 13 years and it’s really starting to get pathetic.  and, like a script on cue, the waiter came up and offered some alcohol.  i grabbed two cans of lite beer to drown my lousy, miserable, loser feeling.  yet i didn’t show what i felt to the people around me.  i just acted normal, but inside, i was in a pool of self-pity.  as the dancing got started, the groom went around the venue.  he had a chance to come up to our table and again, i shook his hand and offered him a toast.  he then asked me, “when am i going to attend your wedding?”  i just laughed at him and replied, “not anytime soon!”  yet inside, it was like this inexplainable, incomprehensible feeling of envy and self-degradation.

 

to keep the long story short, we tried to stay as long as we can.  we left at around 11PM.  i had consumed around four cans of lite beer, but still sober enough to drive home.  we bid our relatives goodbye and they thanked us for attending.  it was midnight when we got home and as i laid in bed, the video showcase was still fresh in my mind, along with the best man’s speech, the atmosphere of happiness for the newlyweds and the sheer joy of the newlywed couple.  before finally going to sleep, a voice inside my head says, “how’s it going to be?  will you go down the same path as they did?  maybe, maybe not.  you know you want to, but let’s face it.  you’re just too damn good to be someone else’s better half.”

 

yeah… maybe i am… 

before another work week takes me far away from my medium of solace, i would like to dedicate this entry to the people who, in every which way possible, greeted me on my 32nd year of existence on this earth.  though i have already replied to them directly, i would still want to pay homage and honor those who would, in their busy and eventful lives, take the time out to greet lil’ ol’ me on mah birthday yesterday.  these are (in no particular order):

 

my family:  mom, lei, and patrick – my source of inspiration and my refuge in times of personal and professional stress.  love you all!

mommy jing – a former colleage who greeted me in advance this past tuesday.  i miss your cassava cakes!!

jessica "kim" tirado – the first person who greeted me at exactly 12 midnight as i was about to turn off my pc.  i really appreciate that this year, you were the first one to greet me.

raschelle esturas – one of my current colleagues who will also celebrate her birthday this week.  advanced greetings to you!

marianne grace garcia – also one of my current colleagues at wor.  yep, i owe you a venti white mocha frappuccino which you’ll get this week!

my cousins:  lynette, zaren, aileen, chey, arnel, debbie, malen, ryan, arnel, ian, yokie, dani, treck, faye, and matt – who were also my guests at my family party last night.  i can’t thank you enough for you being family.  to treck, faye, and matt, hope you arrive back in UK safely.  all of your relatives here will miss you!

my uncles and aunts:  uncle nards and fermin, and aunts linda and letty – thanks for the food contributions and for your presence last night as well!

noel lopez – my tag team partner at the office… thank you sir! 

jennifer crisostomo – my batchmate at my former employer who only greeted me after giving hints as to what occasion it was!  hahahahaha!  miss you girl!

trina ward – a former colleague and a close friend.  i miss our talking sessions!

susan batac – also one of my current colleagues at work… thanks for all your help and support

ann mundo – an rx-lister who i rarely, rarely see, but still remembers to greet me on my birthday every year. hope to see you soon!

lisa sulat – i’m sorry, i don’t know what your married name is… but a big, big thanks that you still remembered me on my birthday, even though you’re way down there…

liezl cañoneo – who i also don’t remember what your married name is… hope we could also see each other soon…

melanie anne solisa – one of my one-downs.  thanks for your continued help and support at work.

casie jen casallos – who i also don’t know what married name you carry… i’m now admitting that this is my former agent who i fell in love with.  it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t like me more than a friend, period… even if history repeats itself.  thanks for the chat we had on the short time i went online on my birthday.  really appreciate it.  take care.

mela ravelas – one of my former agents and a close friend…. thanks for everything…

rachelle canlas – a former co-worker and friend who greeted me this afternoon.  it’s quite late, but it’s still appreciated.

jabi rodriguez – who i was chatting with while i was posting this.  i’m sorry i forgot to include your name, but i’m making it up for it now, right?  thanks for being a friend who always listens whenever i have something to say…

al alvero – dada al to the rx-talk mailing list.  thanks for remembering… doesn’t matter whether it was late, but you still remembered.  thanks!

 

that’s it.  thanks to all of you listed above for greeting me and making my birthday a little bit more special.  i wish you all the very best and a lot, lot more.   you’re all a class act.

 

hope everyone has a good week ahead!  😀

it’s been…. that long since i last posted.  and a lot of things have happened.  mostly work-related stuff, and some family stuff as well.  my mom came home two weeks ago, my cousin from the UK with his two british kids also arrived two weeks ago and is bound to leave on sunday night, had a family summer outing, watched a live PBA basketball game for the second time, and… oh yes, i’m turning 32 in a couple of hours.

 

golly…. man, i am getting old…. but before i continue to rant about my age, i’d just want to take this space to thank everyone who gave their comments on my previous entry.  very, very much appreciated.  it’s good to see other people who i don’t personally know chance upon my blog and leave their marks behind.  special mention goes to father jess escala.  who would’ve thought that a priest–a salesian priest at that–would read my blog!   yes father, like you, i’m a very, very proud bosconian!  thank you father for dropping by.  i do hope i get to see you comment regularly on my entries.  you could be my "virtual spiritual counselor!"  hahahaha!!  i always have had a soft spot for salesian priests even though i’m not that religious.  not because i came from a salesian school (well, maybe partly… am i biased or what?), but i always see them wear a smile wherever they go.  plus, they’re easy to talk to.  again, thank you for your comments and support.

 

now, going back to my age… wait, do i really have to rant about it right now??  some say it’s just a number.  others, a state of mind.  but whatever or however one thinks of it, it’s still a yearly reminder of our journey in the road of life.  yeah, i know it sounds cheesy and all, but it’s the hard truth.   we all get old.  funny how when we were young kids, we wished we were older, and now that we’re older, we wish we were younger.  ain’t life sweet?

 

plans for my birthday this year?  quite the same as last year.   only this time, the celebration will be coupled with my cousin’s send off party.  just a family affair, like what i have done going three years now.  go to mass in the afternoon, have a dinner party, then get smashed and laced with alcohol until i throw up that last up to the wee hours of the morning with my cousins.  niiiice….. food, family, and booze… a perfect way to welcome the 32nd year of my existence.

 

birthday wish?  uhm… quick question, does that really come true?  or does it even exist?  i mean, i have wished for almost anything a normal person like me can imagine on my birthday, but none of them even came close to coming true.  from world peace, to the latest gadgets, to getting laid, and to finally having a girlfriend (i guess i wished that the most number of times)…. nothing….. kaput…. so here’s one for this year.  i wish that birthday wishes are real.  how about that?

 

anyways, it has been a very long work week and i promised myself that i would write an entry when i got home tonight.  so here i am, fulfilling a promise.  short of my mobile phone inbox getting quite busy with incoming birthday message greetings starting at midnight tonight, those will be serving as my gifts for this year.  come to think of it, it’s been a very long time since someone gave me a birthday present.  i guess it comes with the age.  there i go again with the age thing….

 

i’m turning 32.  older?  definitely.  better?  maybe.  wiser?  probably.   happier?  hmmm… good question.  to which i don’t have a ready answer.  that, i guess is a bad thing…  but blowing 32 candles with one blow on a cake would definitely be a good thing, right?

 

happy birthday to me…  i’ll be back to posting normally soon… 

rarely do i boil over about something personal, but as the old saying goes, "everything has it’s limits."  now i was a bit surprised myself after taking stock of what happend this past thursday.  i guess it’s just one of those days where you were rubbed the wrong way and hitting back is the most logical thing to do at that time.  a quick history lesson before i recount the details of the little incident:  i met this girl while i was still with my former employer.  she was assigned in one of the sub-departments of the human resources group, mostly processing applicants.  she’s a tall, slim, stunner of a woman, one you wouldn’t miss looking at when you happen to pass her by while walking down a crowded street.  yet before i met her, she had this reputation of being… spoiled, for lack of a better term.  many a men have tried to win her heart, but her second reputation of being playful with the boys around her seem to put her on an "impossible to claim her" category.  maybe it has something to do with her age, her being young and all, but i had this gut feeling that i could get past those.  we have already gone out numerous times, all under her terms.  she would set conditions like, "pick me up at the least crowded part of the building so that no one we know could see us go out," or "i’ll have to finish up some stuff at work, so our lunch date at 12 noon would be moved to 2pm," or "let’s not go there, it’s too popular, someone at the office might see us together…"  get the picture?  plus, she had this habit of asking me to treat (read:  buy) her something from either starbucks or gloria jean’s.  being the guy that i am, i readily obliged and lost count of how many times i would be bringing a cremé bruleé or a frappucino to her desk.  and when we do go out, we would have conversations all about the men in his life and she would ask my opinion on what their intentions are.  this went on until i left the company to where i am now and we would still keep in touch, although not that much anymore… until this past week.

i happened to chance on her friendster profile this past sunday because i saw her new picture taken on a beach in boracay.   i sent her an sms message asking her how she was and that she had a nice picture posted.  the exchange of messages led to me inviting her for dinner on friday night, to which she obliged.  the week went on as usual, work was fast-paced, meetings to attend here and there.  and this past wednesday, my direct line at the office was finally installed.  i sent everyone i knew an sms message bearing my office number, indicating that if any one of them wanted to get in touch with me, can do so at the number i provided.  during a lull in the the things going on in the office, i was checking my emails when the phone rang.  it was her, the very first person to call me on my direct office line.  we chatted for about 15 minutes, talking about from how i got into the company to how things were in her area.  i had to cut the conversation short because of another scheduled meeting i had to attend.

during the way home, she sent me an sms message detailing how her boss was being made a puppet by upper management and said how she wished i was her boss instead.  i replied jokingly that if i were her boss, i would be losing my job in an instant.  she then asked me if i could elaborate on what i said, and i told her my sad experience of falling for someone who is one of my direct reports while i was a team leader.   i described how hard it was since i had to display professionalism at all times and that i didn’t pursue the girl until she eventually left the company which was both a relief and a sad thing, and ending it by telling her that i won’t let that happen again.  our sms conversation then shifted to her asking my help getting her friend and colleague a job where i was.  naturally, i told her that her friend should just apply with the openings our company has, and that her friend shoudl be open to the possibility of being assigned to a bank branch should her qualifications match to the openings needed.  she asked if i could refer her friend, and i told her that her friend can place on the resumé that i referred her.  she then asked me what else i can do to ensure that her friend will make it, adding that i should just take her in.  i replied that i’m not the owner of the company, and that i’m only new in the office, so i don’t have that much influence yet, so i’m in no position to do so and that i can only act as a reference person should HR ask me about her application.  she then asked me if that is all, and i replied that maybe i can make a recommendation, but that is as far as i can go.  she then asked me if i can follow-up her application, and getting a little frustrated with all the things she’s asking me, i replied that i can also do that.  our conversation through sms ended that night by confirming our dinner date on friday night.

on that fateful thursday morning, everything seemed nornal.  i arrived in the office early so had time to spare.  i was on my way back to my desk from the restroom when i received a text message from her.  she said that she was calling me on my office number but i’m not picking up.  i replied that i just got out of the restroom, headed back to my desk and that she can call me again.  she did, and from the start of our conversation, she went on about her asking me that favor for her friend, saying that by helping her friend, i am helping her as well.  i told her exactly what i said in our conversation the night before, that her friend should just indicate my name on the resumé, serving as a referral.  she asked me to make a written recommendation to HR about her friend.  i told her that it’s not possible because written recommendations are not accepted, and that i can only contact one of the HR officers and give them a heads up on her friend’s application.  she then insisted on the written recommendation but i told her again that it’s just not possible.  she then told me that how can she, an HR staff can do something about friends’  applications while i, with a management position, can’t even write a letter of recommendation for an applicant.  i repeatedly told her that it was not possible and that the company does not accept written recommendations.  i was getting increasingly incensed at that point because of her demands.  she then asked where our office was.  i told her that her friend can go to our head office in the ortigas area and submit her application.  she asked me if it was possible for her friend not to go there personally and just have me submit her friend’s resumé.  i told her that her friend can email her resumé to the person in HR who processed my application.  she said that she doesn’t want her friend to go through a phone interview, but i told her that her friend will be contacted to go to the office for a personal interview with HR, and that her friend should be in corporate attire when she goes there.  she asked if it was possible for her friend to come in jeans.  naturally, i told her that it’s not possible since it’s an interview.  she then went back to her demand that i make that recommendation letter and help her friend out and threatened that if i didn’t do so, "i’ll erase you from being my friend just like what you did with your former boss" in the vernacular.  still calm, but already slightly furious, i told her that her friend can either send her resumé via email or just go to the head office as a walk-in applicant.  sensing that she won’t get through with what she’s asking of me, she ended th
e conversation.  ’twas the first time i felt that mad and furious in a long time as i put the phone down.  what happened during the next few minutes was an exchange of sms messages which she started that went like this (already translated):

 

her:  i don’t know if i’ll be annoyed with you.  i may be a brat, but you’re difficult.

me:  you know what, you always want it your way.  you come up to me with all sorts of demands with conditions as if it’s that easy to do.  i already told you that i’ll help out within my capacity, but that’s not enough for you.  i learned the hard way that i cannot always get what i want.  maybe you should realize that as well.  now, if you don’t like the way i’m trying to help you or your friend out, and that you’re threatening to erase me from your life for not giving you what you want, then go ahead.

her:  well, so everything is out in the open.  okay, if that’s what you want.  good thing, i was able to know you better.  erase my details in your phone as well.

 

she then texted me the exact message i last sent her, then added something in the end:  "i don’t need this."  i then replied back, saying:

 

me:  since i met you, i always thought that you’re a reasonable person despite what other people have told me.  i have always, and i mean ALWAYS given you what you wanted, and with this little thing, you’re already mad at me?  isn’t me saying, "i’ll do what i can to help your friend" not enough for you?

 

she didn’t reply back which was a good thing because i had some work to do the entire day and didn’t want to be distracted by what just happened.  i just vented by sending a text message to my friends about what just happened without exactly revealing the details, or who was involved.  i promised to write an entry on my blog that night, but due to some technical difficulties on the site, it didn’t happen.   i thought that was the end of our "friendship" but while trying to access my blog that night, the sms conversation continued with her saying:

 

her (exact text message):  there are way too many people who gave their word and none of them was able to keep them.  other people doesn’t know me and if ever, they are far worst than me.

 

slightly taken aback with the grammar, i replied back:

 

me:  you might be surprised who those people are who told me things about you (honestly speaking, they were my friends warning me about her), but i didn’t listen to them because i knew then that you were better than what they thought of you.  i still do, as a matter of fact, but i think my judgement is now being clouded by my feelings for you which i now realize–the hard way–that you don’t give a damn about.

her:  if you want to believe them and join them, that’s your choice.  how can you say that you have feelings for me, when in fact, you don’t even know how to adjust even just for me?

 

i guess with the information i gave you earlier, you would reply like i did:

 

me:  i did adjust.  numerous times.  you just didn’t see through it.  i never said anything about joining them.  if i did, then we wouldn’t be talking to each other anymore.  you’re pusing people away because you’re afraid to get hurt.  i understand that because i got hurt myself, but i never push people away because they won’t see the real me.

her (exact message):  just be sure that those people whom you talk to about me are not as bad and difficult as i am.  you adjusted numerous times?  when?  i push people because i don’t know who to trust anymore.

me:  so i guess that means you don’t trust me as well after all the honesty i have shown you all this time, and all that i have done to make you see that i’m different from the other guys.  i don’t need to elaborate what adjustments i made for you.  you know what they are.

 

with all that i said, she replied with just this:

 

her (exact message):  honestly, you have to elaborate the adjustments you made for me.

 

frustrated and exasperated, i replied back:

 

me:  sorry, i’m not the kind of guy who keeps records of things or adjustments i do for women i care about or have feelings for.  if i did, then that means i’m not being sincere in what i do for them, or that i’m expecting something in return.  it’s not about the quantity of the things one guy does for a girl, but for what reason and how it’s being done.

 

and just like that, our conversation–maybe even our communication–ended.  it was unfortunate, yes, but at the same time, it made me realize that women like that don’t deserve to be treated in the way i have treated her while we were steadily going out.  i admit, that was a harsh statement to make, but after all the things i’ve been through with my personal life, i’m slowly learning to look after myself sometimes.  as i’ve said earlier, i was quite surprised with the things i’ve done in this particular situation.  i guess i could sum it up with an analogy i came up with just now.  all of us have shit.  good shit, bad shit.  on a hot, summer day like this, a electric fan is one thing that can keep you cool.  you then decide to play with some shit.  you throw it at the fan, and it bounces back, right smack in your face.  what am i saying?  be careful with the shit you throw at.  some of them might actually hit back at you.  and hit back at you that hard.