i’m back. although it feels good to finally be posting again, it saddens me that it’s been over a month since i last wrote my thoughts down. much has happened to me, and usually, writing it down on my blog made me feel better about the event(s) which unfolded and makes those of you keeping up with me on a regular basis, updated about what’s happening to me. although i have no excuses for missing out on posting my entries for the past month (i won’t even use work as an excuse because i was still able to post entries even when i’m in the office, just like what i’m doing now) i feel that i owe everyone reading my blog an apology for not being up-to-date. although my readers are not that many, i still value their time going here to check up on me and know what’s going on. so for that, i am sorry (sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it?).

as the title of the entry indicates, this would be at least a two-part entry. so as a reminder, be ready for a long read ahead.

out of the many things that happened to me over the course of the last month, there are around two or three that stand out. the first one happened on june 23. it was the second day of a four-shift off i had due to the holidays on the 12th and 13th and my regular days off. i had two scheduled appointments that day, one was to claim a referral from a head hunter agency for an interview, and the other was an initial interview with a call center. i had stepped up my application for other companies due to the fact that things in my current work are beginning to deteriorate. i had other plans that day after the interview, mainly to check out or canvass cellphone prices because i had planned to replace my 7200 with a more memory-upgradable, stable unit (i was actually considering getting either a 6260 or a SE S700i). earlier in the week, i had encashed my salary loan check which i applied for the first time, using the money on the phone and other daily expenses at home. with the day’s events planned out, i set out for my first appointment. little did i know that changing a CD track on my car stereo would change everything. five minutes after leaving the house, still within our subdivision, i was slowly cruising on a moderately covered street when i decided to change the track of the CD i was playing. i glanced over the car stereo for a split second and pressed the button, and when i looked back on the road a tricycle was suddenly in front of me, stopped due to traffic. it was too late. another split second then WHAM!!! i managed to hit the brakes only after i slammed into the tricycle, which in turn bumped the stopped CR-V in front of him. still getting a grip on what actually happened, i alighted the car to check the damage.

i still cannot believe what had happened at that very moment as soon as i walked over and attended to the tricycle driver who was slightly wounded after the impact. it was a very good thing there were no passengers on the tricycle otherwise i’ll be faced with lawsuits. since it was my very first major road accident, i called and asked assistance from my uncle (since i was still near the house) and my mom (since the insurance was under her name). after around an hour and a half (i think) of getting statements, signatories and reports, i drove the car back home to be picked up by the insurance company’s tow truck to be brought to the repair shop while my mom and my uncle attended to the medical needs of the driver and damage assessment of the tricycle. the driver of the CR-V just told me that since he was working for an insurance company, they would get in touch with our insurer about the damage to his vehicle. i arrived home and waited for the tow truck to arrive. while waiting, i made a phone call cancelling my first appointment, telling the head hunter what happened and that i’ll just be claiming the referral tomorrow. my interview appointment was scheduled at 10am and it was already close to 9am. i also managed to take a closer look at the damage to the car.

with the initial impact of the accident, i was surprised to find out that there was no damage to both headlights and the radiator. what was heavily damaged was the front bumper. it kinda buried itself into the tricycle’s back portion of the sidecar and we had quite a hard time pulling it out. the whole of the front bumper was actually hanging and we had to tie a rope to prevent it from falling apart while i was driving it home. there was also damage to the grille and a big dent on the engine hood. seeing the damage, and thinking that the insurance company won’t pay it in full, i said to myself, “there goes the loan.” after the tow truck arrived, i set off for my interview appointment.

i took a cab and arrived late by about 45 minutes. good thing there were quite a number of other applicants in line so i still waited for about 30 more minutes upon arriving. my thoughts were still on the car and what had happened, trying to think or ask myself if the accident was just a very bad dream. i have to admit, during the interview session i was mentally quite “off” so to speak, but still tried my best to project a perception of confidence despite being affected by the accident. the interview actually went well and i proceeded home immediately afterward. over the next three weeks, i used public transport to go to and from the office. it was during that time i felt the importance of having a car. with my shift starting at 2am, i definitely had to take a cab going to work. going home was easier for i just had to take a bus, FX, and two tricycles. i then compared my weekly transportation expenses to the gasoline expenses and it turned out that i spend almost a thousand pesos a week (five working days, getting to and from the office) just for transportation while i spend PHP800 on gasoline for the car which is good for at least 8 working days. well, as my relatives and friends told me, “just charge it to experience.”

moving forward, i got the car back last thursday and it looked like new. we also had it detailed to remove the minor scratches it had. upon driving it home, it made me realize how much i missed and enjoyed driving and how that experience made me not a better driver, but a slightly more careful one. i actually went out last friday night and drove around just to get the feel of driving back to my system. but i do have to admit, i sometimes catch myself suddenly thinking of that particular day, the sound of the impact between the car and the tricycle and sort of getting pissed at myself for being the cause of it, and eventually losing the chance to change phones. i just follow that thought up with the cliche, “maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”

since it’s school opening week, which coincided with the onset of the rainy season, thus officially marking the end of the summer season, i decided to make a little change to my entry and sort of “reminisce” how things went during all those first-day(s)-of-school throughout my learning years. hope you come join me in this nostalgic trip down memory lane.

i always hated the first day of school. i mean, after two months of staying up late at night and waking up late the next day, there i was, painstakingly trying to get up at 5:30am, on a day i hated the most–monday–and reluctantly got ready for the yearly grind of homeworks, quizzes, projects, and daily interactions with teachers of different kinds. in some ways, the first day of school is not that bad. getting to meet your classmates, seeing if your core group of buddies would still be grouped in the same section you’re in, and finding out where you’re seated brings a little bit of excitement once you step into the school lobby. i don’t know about you people, but where i’m seated is a big factor for me. i never liked seating in front, much less settle my ass on a chair way behind the classroom because i’m prone to getting sleepy when the class or subkect is boring. i settled for sitting at least 3/4ths after the middle part of the room. yet in some cases, advisers would arrange their students’ seating arrangements in alphabetical order starting with their last names just to be fair. with my last name starting with C, well, i usually end up at the second row. bummer.

the one thing i find funny–well, not really, just kinda “entertaining” when i think about it–is that during the first week of classes (in grade school and high school), there would be different types of “school requirements” that need to be submitted. i mean, for a class of say, 45 students, especially in the advisory class, each student has to provide the following items (correct me if i’m wrong or feel free to add items using my comments section if i left out anything in particular):

one (1) box of thumb-tacks
two (2) pieces of cartolina (come to think of it, how did this get its name?)
two (2) pieces of felt paper
one (1) box of watercolor or cray-pas, or crayola (24’s, man, i missed those colored marker thingies)
one (1) box of staple wire
one (1) box of paper clips
one (1) rag (for classroom cleaning purposes)
two (2) pieces of japanese paper

think about it, every kid in class bringing more or less all the stuff listed above. thinking about it now, do all those things ever get used up througout the school year? i have my doubts, but i never thought of that back then whenever the school year ends because every freakin’ student wanted to get out of school so bad that they don’t even think of the unused items. at least those materials go mostly to the bulletin board behind the classroom, where designing it based on the season or theme of the quarter is utilized. if that wasn’t enough, think about the different kinds of subjects you have for the year and their own requirements. stuff like:

one (1) booklet of grade one, two, or three pad paper (depending on your elementary grade)
one (1) booklet of intermediate paper (for grades five and six and on to high school), either lengthwise or 1/4 size
one (1) composition notebook (per subject; take note, some require to be 100 or more pages or “leaves”)
one (1) math notebook (ahh, the ever-popular math notebook, one that which i don’t like the most because i hate the subject)
one (1) protractor, ruler, or triangle (based on the kind of math subject the student is taking)
one (1) set of art paper (for art class of course)
one (1) box of watercolor or cray-pas (again for art class)

i don’t know about people who underwent home economics class (being a bosconian, i sure didn’t) but i think there are also class requirements for those. in any case, these are the days where bookstores are full of people and students buying these requirements left and right, not to mention the different kinds of books per subject they need (unless they’re already provided for during enrollment period during the grade school and high school days). and then there’s the teacher-student introductions during the first few minutes of each subject. i can’t remember any other instance where you’ll stand up, recite your name and tell something about yourself at least six times the entire day. on the lighter side, especially in the grade school/elementary levels, students would come in in brand new school bags (take note, with strollers so that you can just pull them behind you), shoes, uniforms, and showing off their “high-tech” pencil cases (the ones which are double-sided, and have small compartments for other stuff aside from pencils and/or ballpens, and their “branded” lunchboxes of superheroes, or favorite movie stars (not to mention notebooks with teen idols all over them–makes me cringe even when i wrote that); and in higher levels, lunchboxes which have everything on it–food, drinks, utensils–even has room for a fruit dessert, say a banana. and remember the onset of the coleman jugs? damn, three out of five students would be bringing their own coleman jugs to school just to be “in.” i never imagined water coolers to be so….cool?

school opening in college was quite different. i remember when i was fresh out of high school, and into the college world, checking my registration form for my first subject of the day, finding the classroom in a sea of students running around, some still catching up on their enrollment at the dean’s office, seeing sophomores getting reacquainted with their buddies from freshman year, other freshmen like me wandering about, finding their own classrooms, and male senior students checking out vulnerable freshmen ladies who are hot. of course, there are still some requirements per subject, but mostly are similar, especially with the notebooks being “fillers” (cattleya quickly comes to mind). books are subject provided, and needed to be bought outside. one thing that comes to mind (for guys like me at least), is that students have their own binders made from illustration boards. being a heavy metal fan back in the day, i designed my own binder with pictures and cut-outs of rock bands, guitars, rock-sounding terms, and other illustrations and images that depict heavy metal. i placed shoestrings on each side to prevent books and notebooks from sliding off. there was also the onset of the “trapper keeper.” although there were already those kinds of binders when i was in high school, most who were seen carrying those are college studes. it was supposed to be a “notebook with an attitude,” though i think personalizing and creating your own binders are far more cool and brings out the personality and creativeness in you. ladies’ binders are less provocative, having simpler and more feminine designs. still, some include more famous hollywood actors and actresses. getting to know your classmates, especially during freshman year wherein everyone is new to you, was the highlight of college opening day. you only go through that once in your life, as succeeding years already have you experienced in that department and having old friends in the same block.

ah yes, school opening day. what a trip down memory lane. although i may not like being in school, i miss the atmosphere it brings. hearing the bell for recess, lunch, PE, and of course, dismissal were considered music to my ears. if we could only go back in time to see and feel what was it like back then, i’m sure everyone would be smiling and blushing at the same time. for most of you reading this entry, school days may be over for you permanently, but all of us remain a student one way or the other, going through a school called life. although we cannot exactly remember going through the first day of that school, each of us are still learning, and one day, our would-be children would experience the exact same thing we just reminisced. i now ask you, after going through what i just wrote, wouldn’t you be excited asking your child, “how was your first day of school?”

this past tuesday was my 29th birthday. this past saturday was the celebration i had for family and friends who have been and continue to be part of my life. friends who have stuck through my trials, shortcomings, stupidity, and sadness; and reveled with me in my moments of joy, triumph, and success which are very few and far in between. i’d like to take a moment from my otherwise exciting everyday life to say “thank you” for sharing in my little celebration i had for them in a manner befitting such individuals.

** first off, the big G upstairs. we may not always see eye-to-eye, and i know i tend to be overly aggressive in the things i ask for thy intercession, but i always believed that if my job on this earth is done, then you can always take me and put me in my proper place. but seeing that i’m still here, it only means that i still have something to do, something you have planned for me, or the next person i would meet or come into my life, or who i would enlighten. whether it brings me more pain or the eventual happiness i’m looking for or destined to have, it’s entirely up to your will.

** my mom – thank you for putting up with me all these 29 years and hope you’ll continue to do so. i admit, i sometimes am a stubborn son, but we are both after the same goal: my welfare in the future. we may always butt heads on different issues, but in the end, you’re still my loving mother and as the old saying goes, “mothers know best.” i only ask for a little broadening of your mind and understanding how things are done these days. but in everything else, you have taught me how to survive and be someone who can stand up to everything life has to offer. and for that, my most appreciation i give to you.

** my brother patrick and my sister lei – two persons who i can not ask for any better siblings to have than you two. patrick, you have always been more street-smart, more attractive, witty, and intelligent that i am, and i have also learned a great deal from you. and lei, what can i say? having that kind of patience putting up with two big, pestering brothers is a rarity in youngest female siblings. i’m glad to say that in some way, you are as patient and as durable as i am. i hope and pray that your personal lives are far better off that what i have.

** my uncles (tito fermin and tito narding), my aunts (tita letty and tita linda), and my cousins and cousins-in-law (chey, arnel, yoki, dannie, debbie, roel, summer, lynette, zaren, treck, lynlyn, faye, aileen, malen, almen, ryan, ian) – these persons showed me what real families are all about: togetherness, support, and that “family spirit” that we’re all looking for. i’m very proud to belong in such a large family and even though us cousins do not see each other as often as before, we’re always gonna be there for each other when the time comes.

** the agents who are and were under my team (casie, tyn, cathie, gince, theena, jet, tin, aimee, grace, nisha, syvel, joseph, ben, ricky, carlo, gian, chet, reg, carlo m., cyrus, joko, richard, angel) – thank you for adding color to my professional life at teletech. you’re all top performers in my book, even if the metrics sometimes say otherwise. we may not have the best team on the floor, but i’m still very proud to be and have been associated with people like you. i hope that the team we have now will grow even closer, especially after our team building earlier this month and the near-accident we had on the way there. i could never ask for a better set of agents than all of you.

** my close and true friends, reggie and liezl – a big and huge thank you for making my birthday celebration close to complete by you two being there. liezl, my regular blog reader and commentor, your support in all my endeavors is very, very, very much appreciated. just listening to me rant about my personal life during our coffee sessions is enough. i just hope that you continue to be there for me and to continue to pray to the One upstairs. hey, i could use all the help i can get. reggie, the one person who never fails to knock some sense into me when i’m way over the edge. yet you still continue to back me up in all my decisions without hesitation. both of you have known so much about me in the last couple of months and i’m thankful that i shared them with you. i’m looking forward to our next coffee sessions and i hope both of you continue to have patience with me and never get tired of me and my sad stories.

** my former colleagues turned friends, step and kitt – the memories we had during our agent days in PS are the most unforgettable during my professional life, and i hope they’re yours too. the closeness we had went beyond the borders of the office and into real friendships. i sometimes am jealous that you two still get to see each other in one way or another at the office after i moved out. but i guess this would be a measure on how bonded we have become. here’s looking forward to our next night out on the town, and all the silliness we’ll be having.

** my ex-girlfriend turned true friend, lei – i’m really happy that we have been communicating regularly now after several years. wish you could’ve been there this past saturday as well but with your situation right now, i understand. thanks for helping out with my recent situation. although it was not as we both hoped it would turn out, your efforts to make things better between me and her are well enough and are highly appreciated. i wish we could hang out for coffee or lunch one of these days. i really miss talking to you and i’m looking forward to playing some catch-up whenever we’re both free.

** and last but not the least, the woman who meant so much to me during these past few months and who taught me how to smile again, my beloved donna – you’ll never know when you’ll meet a person who turns your world upside down and inside out. who at first makes you laugh and eventually you’ll end up asking for more. who at first gives you excitement everytime you see her, and eventually turns to addiction because you cannot get enough of her. who makes you do things you’d never though you would or even consider. who changes your way of life, your outlook on life, or your life itself. donna, you came into my life when i thought everything was nothing and nothing was everything. your voice, your smile, your touch, your kiss changed so much in me that it’s really difficult for me to go back. unfortunately, that’s where you asked me to go. as hard as it is, i am trying to find my way back to where i was. and without you, i realize that i am lost. i’m really sad that you didn’t get to read my letter, and i may not understand why, but just the same, i have no regrets in what i have told you that you consider what changed in our relationship back then. you craved attention, i gave it to you. you desired feeling secure with someone, i made you felt that way. you wanted to be loved the way you deserved, i offered my heart to you. i know you may not read this as well, but i just want the whole world to know how much i really love and treasure you. only time and fate will decide whether we’ll be together in some shape or form or not, but until that time comes, you’ll always be remembered here–where you can take refuge when no one comes to your aid, when no one listens to you, when no one will be there for you–in my heart. i walk away knowing that i have done everything for you. i hope and pray that in the few times you may get to remember me, you’ll do so not because of what changed between us, but with the things i have done for you. thank you for coming into my life. on my part, i’ll always go back to easter sunday where it’s not just Christ who came back to life, you resurrected mine as well.

again, thank you to everyone i mentioned. it’s hard to imagine that i’m 29 years old. most guys my age are either in the early stages of preparing for marraige, if not married at all, or are in a very stable relationship. unfortunately for me, i don’t fall under those categories. but as i’ve said to friends in the past, i might just be born to live a single life. with all the events that have caused me pain and sadness mostly through my personal life, i say, “bring it on. there’s plenty of room for that here.” in the end, what matters is not how others have come into my life, but how i came and made a difference in theirs. thank you and may all of you have the best in everything.

i left her house with a heavy heart. but as i told myself, it has been done. whatever comes out of it, so be it. at least i can tell myself that i had no regrets in giving her all the attenion and love i can give. i didn’t expect her to call or text me. i left all my frustrations, happiness, feelings of love on the things i bought for her. having the chance to talk to her was the one thing i wanted for my birthday, but fate thought otherwise. i thought of going to Tagaytay to find some sort of closure since she promised me that we’ll be going back there. but having only a few hours of sleep the previous night made me realize that i might get sleepy on a long drive so i went home.

the rest of the day went fine. greetings came in via my cellphone or friends calling me up. that night, while watching TV, donna called me up. she thanked me for everything i gave her that day. i told her that i forgot the incense oil bottles and i’ll give it to her some other time. her voice didn’t show any hint of happiness over the things she received. but the one that really hit me hard the most was when she told me that she threw away the letter without even reading it. i asked her if she really did that, she said yes. her cousin was a witness to that, even asking her why she didn’t even open and read it. i asked her why, and she replied that she didn’t want to read what’s inside. she didn’t want to know the things i wanted to say. a stunned silence from me soon followed. i wanted to ask her again, but afraid of her getting irked again after she already mentioned her answer, i stopped at my tracks. i told her that there are so many things i wanted to say to her that day that was on the letter, and she interrupted me saying, “i don’t want to hear it.” a few seconds after, she said that she had to take a shower and retire for the night since she left early that morning. i still invited her to my celebration on saturday, again, her usual response was, “i’m not sure.” she greeted me again and we said our good-byes…maybe for the last time. i was really hurt that she didn’t read the letter, but at the same time, i was already numb at what has happened over the last few weeks with her. i sat there afterwards, with the realization that i found the answer i was looking for.

i’m quite ok now, two days after that fateful tuesday. i’m preparing for my celebration this saturday, and again, i’m not expecting donna to show up, but it would make my birthday celebration complete if she was there. whether being there because she promised to, or she really wanted to. i could finally say that i didn’t have any regrets, that i went the full route in telling her how i feel without going through the “what if” phase. that all my actions were and are for her because i love her. for those of you reading this, please don’t hate her for what she did to me. i don’t. maybe she has her reasons for doing so. whether i may find out what those reasons are or not, it’s not up to me anymore. i’m just letting karma take it’s course. this saturday’s celebration would may be the last time i could feel anywhere near the vicinity of being happy. this saturday is not for me, but for the people who meant so much to me during the past year. *sigh* well, at least it was a birthday worth remembering.

tuesday was the day. may 24th. my 29th birthday. where things couldn’t possibly go wrong, where luck was supposed to be on my side, where a birthday should be preceded with the word, “happy.” i put my project into play days before. one by one, i purchased the things necessary to make my final stand. “after this,” i thought to myself, “i gotta move forward. whatever happens, the buck stops here.” friday morning i went to the flower store to inquire about flower arrangements. sunday morning i purchased blank cd’s and the incense oil. monday morning, where my vacation leave started, i got the box of chocolates and the stuffed toy. monday afternoon i called the flower store confirming my order. and i worked on the letter and the cd’s that night. i went to sleep around 2am tuesday with the hope that things would turn out ok at the least.

upon reaching home after hearing birthday mass, i gathered everything in a hurry with the thought that donna might leave her house and i wouldn’t even have the chance to see and talk to her while giving her the things i bought for her. i hurriedly left for the flower store becasue it was getting quite late in the morning. anticipating the tuesday morning traffic, i drove with the sense of urgency to get to my destinations as quickly as possible. as i arrived at the flower store, my order was already being arranged. in what seemed like an eternity (around 20 minutes) the order was ready and after giving payment, i left immediately. as i was on the way to donna’s house, i went over my two-fold plan in detail. plan A was i get to talk to her for even just five minutes, tell her everything i feel, everything that i want to say to her, and give her the gifts which symbolize everything that i feel for her: a dozen red roses, arranged in a bouquet; one big box of ferro rocher chocolates (her favorite), two cd’s of songs which i wholeheartedly dedicate to her (one cd contained all female songs, the other, all male); a fairly large teddy bear, and three bottles of incense oil (cool water scent, her favorite as well). as i was checking the stuff one by one, i realized that i left the bottles of incense oil at home! realizing that it was too late to go back home and get it, i continued driving to donna’s house, thinking that i might be able to give her those if things turn out well. on the other hand, plan B was to add a letter to the things i’ll be giving her should i fail to catch her at home.

i arrived at around 10:15am in front of her house. i was a little nervous, but ready for anything. i called her cellphone. no answer. i called again, same result. i tried five more times after that, same. i then sent her a message saying that i was in front of her house and if i could talk to her for five or 10 minutes. i waited for a response. i decided to call her landline phone. her mother answered, saying that she had to make an immediate phone call and i should just call back after five minutes. she didn’t mention if donna was there or not. while waiting, i tried calling her cellphone again several times, to no avail. as i was about to call her landline again, i received a message from her saying that she was out accompanying her friend, and that we’d talk some other time. she even greeted me a belated happy birthday. slightly disappointed that i didn’t get to see her on my birthday, i called her landline phone again and got to ask her mom if i could leave some stuff for her since she’s not home. i then rang the doorbell and her cousin went out and received the gifts, including the letter i composed. on that letter, i wrote:

Dear Donna,

I know you’re quite surprised receiving the things included with this letter. Good thing your Mom was kind enough to accept it since you’re not at home. I would’ve wanted to give you these in person, but I guess fate decided otherwise. It’s just that being my birthday, talking to you in person (after not being able to see or talk to each other for quite a while now), and giving these gifts to you in person was the birthday gift I had in mind. I know you’re wondering the reason for all this. Let me explain.

Aside from letting you know how I really feel about you, it’s just a simple token of how I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You came into my life at a point where I was trying to get my life back together after an episode of my personal life which I had a hard time trying to come to terms with. You came in at just the right time and changed my life. You turned it upside down and inside out. To you, it may not be that much, but to me, it made me, as I have already told you, very happy for the first time in a very, very long time. I have never felt anything as good as when I’m talking to you, or being with you. Corny as it may seem, but it actually came to a point wherein I believed that we were destined to meet. I mean, here I was, trying to start over and moving on with my lovelife, and here you were, with a boyfriend whose out of contact for at least three or four months, maybe also looking for attention and affection as well. Of course, I may be just purely dreaming. But there are two things that stood out and made me think and wonder that maybe somehow, someway we could end up together. The first was when you allowed yourself to be kissed intimately. I mean knowing that you had a boyfriend, who you said that you still love, why would you allow yourself to be kissed that way by me? If it was only one time, I would understand. But the kiss was made again and again. The second was when we went to Tagaytay. On the way home, you said that when I held you, it felt different. It felt reassuring and secure. If you only knew how good it was for me too. That trip and experience would be one of the most unforgettable events I would ever have. I was really looking forward to making that trip again with you as you promised, but I guess that won’t be happening anymore.

I don’t intend to take too much of your time reading this. I could have said everything in person, but maybe I’m not that lucky enough to be granted that privilege. Again, I’m doing this just to really show how appreciative I am for you coming into my life and being the way you are. Smart, funny, witty, sweet, thoughtful, caring, and with a smile that would make my problems go away. It may seem that I’m putting you high up a pedestal, because I am. Some of my friends who I have told about giving you all these say that you’re not worth it after what happened. I told them that you’re worth everything that has happened to me in the last few months and I spared no expense in making you feel all the more special than you really are. You may not talk to me at all anymore after this and I’m prepared for that. I’m laying all my cards on the table, with nothing more to lose. It’s all up to you if you want to continue what we have, but I have decided that this would be the last time I’d do something to try and communicate with you. You’re still invited to my party this Saturday, but I won’t expect anything. I prepared an explanation to my relatives and friends in the event that you won’t be coming, though they’re still want to see you. Don’t worry, they won’t be mad at you or anything. God, if you only knew how much I missed you all these times. But before I end this, I just want to ask you something. You don’t have to answer this, it’s just something running through my mind. Why continue loving someone whose far away, not making any effort to make you feel important to him, only doing so when he’s coming home, while I’m here, just a few minutes away, always thinking about you, who’ll never leave your side, who’ll always make you feel important, and who will fight for you and always love you for who you are? Again, thank you for being you. Do take care of yourself always. I’ll always be here for you. Always. Love ya.

Sincerely,

Mark

PS. The songs on the two CDs are songs that I wholeheartedly dedicate to you, especially the last songs on each CD. Please listen to the words and you’ll know how much you really mean to me.