as i was driving home last night after a day's work, i saw something that reminded me of what happened to me earlier this year. and suddenly, i found myself down memory lane, like the events of the whole month of march passing right through me like structures along the road. as i ended my nostalgic run, a song on my car stereo played as if to give meaning to what i have done amidst everything that had happened, and it got stuck on me like white on rice. just wanted to share the words of that song which i think i'll be listening to for quite some time:

Only One
performed by Yellowcard

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I'd let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

it's 7:45am and i'm writing this entry from the internet kiosk at the office. although i won't start my shift until 9am, being a wednesday, i came to work early to avoid getting caught since the car is banned from the roads today.

i continue to surprise myself daily with the things i'm doing. as i've said before, it has been a while since i had this feeling of enjoying coming to work on a daily basis. if i were still in my former company, i'd be more stressed out than before and i'll just be writing about how work sucks and not have a positive outlook towards my job. i wouldn't have imagined coming to work early, whether to avoid having my car getting caught on the road or not. i guess part of the reason why i wanted to come in early is for me to see my batchmates. all of us have really bonded during the first two weeks of training and became almost like family. although i had to be pulled out of process training to help out with recruitment (part of my position's "initiation") i make it a point to see them on a daily basis. i admit, i really miss being with them. although they're not my direct agents, the feeling is different when we're together. i have been with numerous teams and agents before, but this group of people stand out. i don't know how, i don't know why, but i'm thankful for having each and every one of them on that batch. i can say that for the first time in months, i am stress-free….mainly because of them.

on the flipside, i do miss someone. someone who hasn't made her presence felt since letting me know she has a new job at, ironically, a call center. ironic because she told me before that she'll never set foot on a call center because she doesn't like sitting around and talking. this feeling just hit me last night as i was laying in bed looking back at events while waiting to fall asleep. as i would always say, "it's just one of those days." although i have to admit, i haven't said that phrase in weeks. i guess finally enjoying work overshadowed that almost-weekly feeling. yet, being a gemini, it can't be helped. at least it still reminds me that i am still capable of missing someone. she, in particular, even if things between the two of us abruptly "ended." which reminds me, she'll be celebrating her birthday this friday. i guess i won't be part of her celebration (if she's gonna have one), but that's ok. what's important is that she's happy on her birthday.

a couple more weeks, it's gonna be christmas. my favorite time of the year. time to go back to the highlight reel and revisit the major events that happened to me this year and sum them all up on my yearly countdown. look for that to be posted here by early to mid-december. for those of you keeping track, well, you might know how the chart will look like. who knows, there might be a few surprises in store.

to end things, i also have to admit, i'm beginning to miss seeing another someone, although i just saw her recently…

finally, some time for myself. the past few weeks have been–i don’t know the right words to describe it–overly fulfilling and gratifying to say the least. i keep looking back again and again just to convince myself that i really did make the right decision to leave and transfer to where i am now. i admit, i had that feeling of again wandering into uncharted territory with meeting new faces, feeling out new personalities and ushering myself into a totally different environment. again, looking back, it just keeps putting a smile on my face.

as my trainer-turned-friend told me in a text message last night (early morning, actually) after getting home from having coffee and listening to really good jazz with him and some of my batchmates, it was pretty much fate that brought us together and really made us one tight group throughout the two weeks of initial training. having different levels of perception, views on religion and life would almost spark a friendly argument, yet i guess the kind of maturity each one of us possesses made us understand and respect each other, especially this past friday night.

’twas a night of booze, fun, food, tears, surprises, slurred speech, laughter, repeated sentences, more tears, confessions and realizations as our batch gathered for a pre-training-completion-celebration-slash-advanced-birthday-party at a batchmate’s house. it was a culmination of two weeks of feeling each other out, classroom training, and group activities. be that as it may, i felt that it was just the start of more good things to come. because for the first time in a very long time, i have found and felt a sense of belonging with the batchmates i currently have. i mean, you know how it is when you feel so good about a group of people that you’re almost certain that you’ll excel in everything that you’ll be doing? makes you feel excited going to work, ain’t it? i know i am. i haven’t felt that way too for quite some time now.

this past weekend will be etched forever in my mind as one of the most memorable weekends i ever had. amidst the problems i have in my personal life, it’s good to have something to look back to, breathe a sigh of relief, smile and get ready for the week ahead and look forward to more of the same in the days to come.

on a personal note before i end, i’d like to make a quick shout-out to my new found friend-slash-brother, BREW. happy, happy birthday!! wish you all the best on your special day. stay happy and keep smiling!! =)

i received this via an email sent by a colleague of mine, and with my life being hinged on “faith,” i just want to share this with all of you. it kinda puts things in perspective, at least that’s what i think. hope you enjoy reading this as much as i did.

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new Christian students to stand and…..

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From…God…
Prof: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light….But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?…..No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

“…every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end…” – “closing time” by semisonic

i always use that line when changes in my professional life take place. yesterday marked the start of my final week in teletech. two weeks from now, i’ll be starting a new job in a different company as an assistant manager for operations. accepting that job wasn’t that hard. it also wasn’t that easy.

when i came here a year and a half ago, i was reeling from being “forced” to leave my previous company after being with them for two and a half years, yet optimistic about starting fresh, wanting to prove to myself that whatever my previous boss said about my abilities as a supervisor/team leader was dead wrong. and of course, being paid the right amount for such a position. whatever i have learned during my stint as a CSR and supervisor trainee, i applied to my new work. though i was overwhelmed with how they do things here, i welcomed it as a challenge to step up. just the number of handling people was exponentially doubled, so managing a multitude of egos was one of my top priorities. yet all wasn’t smooth sailing as i hoped it would be. of course, being under a large program (and the star program at that) does have its downsides. yet through all the workload that was too much for one supervisor to handle, the demands of the client which majority of the supervisors think were impossible to achieve, the ever-changing processes and procedures a CSR could take, and all the bullsh** management was giving us, i managed to have success by my team being number one in most metrics. although it was short-lived due to several factors, i could proudly say that i got what i worked hard for. yet the stress from all of the things i mentioned took it’s toll on me and i was forced to re-think my desire to work for such an account. although a transfer to another account or department would be the obvious choice, office politics would never fail to move it’s ugly head. so i started updating my accounts at the online jobseeking companies i had.

after months of waiting, i got the call from a friend who works at one of the online jobseeking companies and offered me a chance to get out of here. i gamely accepted and went through two interviews, until finally, around two weeks ago, i was offered the job. although i wanted to sign the contract right there and then, i just took it easy and asked them to give me a day to think it over and be back to sign it. i did think it over, about leaving my trusted colleagues who endured all the hardships and bullsh** management and the client gave us, yet in the end, you only have yourself to look out for. two days after being offered the job, i went back and signed on the dotted line. everything is now set in motion for my transition. i had a mixed reaction of surprise and relief from colleagues when i mentioned about my transfer. surprise because i have been mentioning before that i would leave this place but ended up staying for another month or so. and relief that finally i would be leaving this “hellhole” of an account. most of them wanted to follow me and i gladly forwarded their resumes to my friend in the jobseeking company who also asked me to look for more interested people.

though i am excited at finally getting something higher after the hard work i made over the last year and a half, as the same thing i mentioned when i left PS, the people i have worked with will be hard to leave behind. most of them i could say deserve a much better and higher position than what they have now, yet they continue to be dragged by the inconceivable thought of things being better someday if they just be patient. i tried to be that as well and waiting for management to realize that we deserve better, yet i guess they don’t see that at all. the only comfort i could rely on is that fact that my hard work paid off, and the opportunity to work for a financially stable company is on the horizon. a bittersweet end is near, yet a new, much sweeter beginning is just beyond it.