just want to share a line that was mentioned from the movie "king kong" which i got to see yesterday:

"when you try and reach for something you care about, fate comes in and takes it away from you."

that line really hit home. hard. that's all. thought i'd just share it on an overcast monday morning.

just got home from a night out with colleagues/friends. and since it's only a few hours before the start of the dawn mass at 4:30am, i thought it best to skip sleep until later today and just write on my lil' ol' journal to keep me busy. to which, at some point, i also decided that this would also be a good time to do my reflection on the positive things that happened to me this year. just like last year, i decided to write down the positive things first since, among other reasons, i'm not expecting any more major events that would effect me in a very positive way during the remaining days of this year. so, with that being said, here are the events this year that made me say that life is "all good:"

5) i was finally able to get over lisa – for those of you who know the story behind this (posted all over my journal) over the past few years, you would understand what i'm talking about. although there are still things left unsaid between the two of us, i'll leave it to fate whether a final conversation would take place or not. i'd prefer to have it though as i've said before because that would be the only way for that chapter of my life to complete a full circle and i could finally say that that was it. i have moved forward (take note, not "moved on" as i have two separate meanings for those two phrases) and i could safely say that things in my life took a turn and started getting better. all because of another person, which i'll elaborate later on.

4) i finally upgraded my PC – with my mom and brother's help, of course. but if you could only feel what i felt when i started using this PC after years of putting up with my old machine? damn! you would breathe a very big sigh of relief and contentment at the same time as well. i'm now able to transfer pictures from our digicam to the hard drive, store more mp3s, play high-res games (zero hour rules!!) and creating/burning CDs is much, much fun now than ever before. hey, this may be trivial to some, but for a "CD burning freak" like me, hell, this switch is a very big thing. next stop, upgrade the speaker system. =)

3) i won my first ever championship in basketball (and played the best game of my life) – though it was just a small-time summer league over the summer, a championship is still a championship. my surprising performance at that game was due to the same person (or at least frustrations/inspirations about her) who came into my life a couple of months earlier. looking back at it, it was very surreal how my emotions were at an all-time high and was so very mixed up that people who would see my usual game were really surprised about how i did during that one game. of course, the cause for that inspiration also was the cause for the breakdown that happened after the game, which i won't elaborate here. i'm pretty sure that my performance on that game won't repeat itself…well, not unless what i felt during that day will come back in the exact same way. which i'm sure will be one in a million.

2) i was able to get out of that "hellhole" of a company and moved to a much, much better one – and i really mean when i said "hellhole" because it is. the last time i felt this happy about a job was during my PS days. when i transferred to that company, all i got was lies and an incomprehendable job description. the account sucked (well, it still sucks), management sucked (well to be honest, hearing what happened after i left, they still suck), and the workload was full of shit (i guess so does management in general). some of my former agents and colleagues who also transferred to where i am now welcomed me with open arms and was relieved about my potential growth being wasted over there. one of the last agents i handled before i left also transferred and i'm proud to say that her potential for growth will be realized here. with the transfer, i was able to meet new people who have become very close to me in a short span of time. everyday, i'm looking forward to coming to work, not because of the need to work (like what i felt before), but i finally enjoy the atmosphere, the workload is light, the number of people i'm handling is just right, management is excellent, and of course, pay is very, very good! i can't imagine a better job than what i have now. =)

1) easter sunday 2005 – need i say more? this was where my personal life reached it's peak for the first time in years! this is due to the person i've been describing earlier, and that is donna. she made the majority of this year very memorable for me. although things went the same route as with my other brushes with romance and relationships, i would always look back to that day and reminisce the time i picked her up, how gorgeous she looked that day, the drive up to tagaytay, the playful gestures we made together, the weather that day that forced us to be closer to one another, the conversations we had, the memorable drive back home, her meeting my relatives, and the sweet kisses, the oh-so-sweet kisses we made in between all of those. she was everything to me, and in some cases, she still is. thank you donna for being the reason for me being happy this year.

well, i guess i've said it all, and said enough about the things that made me smile this year. the next entry is of course, the saddest moments of my life this year. can't wait to start writing on that. so i'll just ride on the positive emotions generated by looking back until the time i do sit down and look back again. hope everyone has a good weekend and pleasant christmas ahead….which reminds me, i haven't done any christmas shopping yet….and christmas is next week!! arrrrggghhh!!!

i started my third blog. only this time, it's in filipino. and this blog combines my two personalities so it'll make for a fun read. that is, if you can truly understand filipino. hehehehe! drop by http://etosimarkie.ebloggy.com and see for yourself. i noticed that i have yet to post in my second blog. the only difficulty i have is that it is hosted in blogger. i'm planning to move it to this site as well so that all my blogs will be in one basket. anyways, i'll be updating all three blogs the best as i can. hope everyone has a good weekend.

brew, thanks for the inspiration of creating a filipino blog. cool!! =)

i wish i could be happy for once,
and have more meaning to giving love another chance.
i wish i could feel myself smile,
about someone my heart longs for who could be with me even for a while.

i wish i could hold you hand,
and let you know that without you, i cannot even stand.
and if all these wishes you think are all a lie,
then i'll just be wishing that i'd die.

composed during my lunch hour today…

i haven't written freehand poetry in a while. in fact, i haven't written one since college, i think. just like my "slammed" entry about two weeks ago, today is just one of those days that, well, i dunno… all your negative emotions get mixed up and you come to the conclusion that there is no hope at all for you; that no matter what you do, whatever you say, it just comes back to being…well, hopeless. only this time, things in my personal life get all f**ked up that my so-called creative mind is in full steam. call me pathetic, call me a loser, call me a whiner, call me a quitter, call me whatever you want… i'm just starting not to care anymore. some people have been asking me why the items on my "christmas wishlist" entry seemed a little different from last year; that i didn't wish for…someone. i guess feeling what feel today is part of the reason why. after reflecting, looking back, and summing up all that has happened in my personal life, i stop and ask myself the question:

IS IT REALLY WORTH IT? (AND I MEAN REALLY?)

i used to say "yes" to all of them. but nowadays, i would say, "is it?" i'm starting to believe otherwise….