today will be a special day. this is the day that my younger brother will be introducing his first girlfriend to the family by bringing her at home. i have always held a high regard for my younger brother. he's better looking, more intelligent, more street-smart and witty than me. add the fact that he was able to graduate from a prestigous school and he even got to go to the graduation march comapred to me when i just got my diploma and clearance at a counter in student services. and i admire him even more now by taking the first step in having a serious relationship. though we have had our share of conflicts and disagreements before, ultimately, nothing but love and respect is what i have for him. so let me make a little space here for my brother and say, "bro, good luck on your relationship and i wish you all the best."

other than that, things have been busy at work lately, and as far as the story on my previous entry goes, it'll be concluded soon.

it was a bright and sunny thursday afternoon when he stepped out of the building, wondering what to do next. his meeting had gone well, much as he expected. he thought of calling her to break the news, but he's still hesitant to do so. he has asked her out several times before, but was always turned down. he never knew what the real reasons were, or if there are any at all. but it wasn't always like that. after they had met, they were inseparable; him sacrificing his rest from work in order to be with her, and her bailing out on friends' birthday parties and gatherings just to be with him. but things went downhill after he had told her what he felt. after all, she still has a boyfriend of three or so years and she still loves him even though he was working out of the country and it is pretty much a long distance relationship. but since that fateful day, things have been different. and yet even if he felt like the whole world crashed on him, he put it all in stride, continued to love her in silence as they went in different directions. he became succesful in his career, and transferred to a better company a few months ago. on the other hand she finally got a job in the same field as he, but in a different company. although they still talked to each other, they were few and far in between.

deciding to take a chance, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. "at least i tried," he said to himself as he dialed her number. he thought of sending a text message first, but given the situation, he would rather hear it straight from her and not wait for a reply via sms. her phone rang. there was no answer. he dialed again and got the same result. disappointed, he put down the phone and walked to the car. just as he got in, another round of headaches started kicking in. these have become frequent during the last few weeks, that at one time he felt going blind. though on this episode, the attacks died down after only a couple of seconds. as he tried to recompose himself, the conversation from his appointment kept running through his head like a tape recorder playing again and again. though he couldn't believe what he was told, at the back of his mind several months ago, he had prepared for this scenario. he had also thought to himself back then that "it would be one storybook ending, and a hell of a way to go with the things i've been through; just as i pictured it to be."

his nervousness and anxiety kept building as he drove towards her place, but the chance of seeing her again made him more excited. as he parked the car in front of her house, he sent a message to her, saying that he's already there. "two minutes," came the swift reply. keeping the engine running, he stepped out of the car and leaned at the rear passenger door, like a groom ready to receive her bride. as she stepped out, his face brightened. she never looked more beautiful. in fact, that was what he told to himself the last time they were together. yet everytime he sees her, she grows more and more stunning. she greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. "hey there," she said as her arms went around him. surprised by the gesture, he hugged her back. as he looked at her face, he noticed that her eyes were a bit swelled up. "you ok?" he asked. "you look like you didn't sleep much." "yeah, had some things to do," she replied back. "but i'm ok. let's go, i'm kinda hungry already."

"what's wrong?" he asked, concerned about what she was feeling seeing that her face was serious and there were signs of tears filling her eyes. breaking the silence, she said, "we broke up today. he called me up at home and admitted that he's seeing someone for six months now and has fallen for her." a solitary tear ran down her cheek as he went over to where she was seated and hugged her. "all this time, i have been loyal to him, loved him, and now this?" she said in between sobs. "even though there were other guys coming up to me and trying to court me, i turn them away because i was in a relationship. why did he do this to me?" at that point, she was already breaking down. he just continued to hug her and whispered, "it's not your fault. you were good to him. you were every bit the kind of girlfriend a guy can ever ask for to him. you did what thought was right. i'm so sorry this happened." by then, he felt that this wasn't about him or what he's gonna tell her. it was now about this woman, who, even though she took advantage of his kindness, endured the drastic changes that happened after professing his feelings for her, made promises to him that were never realized, and even owed him money, but he still loves dearly. her sobbing started to die down and continued on telling him what happened. "that was the time you were trying to call me on my mobile phone. so now you know why i didn't answer it." realizing what happened, he quickly apologized for calling at a very bad time. "it's ok. i was even glad that when i saw my phone, there were two missed calls coming from you. 'twas kinda like a sign or somethin'. i guess it's fate's way of us telling us to be together tonight," she said. her hug was still firm. she then let go, looked at him with a smile amidst tears still falling from here eyes and said, "but that's over now. i have cried about it long enough after that. the thing is, i'll always have you. you were always there for me even though i treated you horribly, i took you for granted, but i realize now that it was you all along. i still have you, right?"

"yes, i'll always be here," he said as his thoughts then shifted to wondering if he's still going to tell her what happened to him earlier that day. she leaned on his shoulder after hearing his reply, and breathed a sigh of relief. suddenly, she then asked, "you said that you wanted to talk to me about something? what is it?"

history is one subject i'm always interested in. whether it be during high school or college, whenever i have a history subject on my school year or semester, i'm always looking forward to coming to that class and learn about how things came to be (except for Philippine history, for which i find it monotonous given that it's been taught year after year since grade school and has become somewhat boring). more often than not, i would score above average grades too.

this week marked the 20th anniversary of the first Philippine bloodless revolution, more popularly known as "People Power I." i never really paid much attention to it during the days leading to the event; to be honest, i completely forgot that it has been 20 years to the day. and it simply wasn't on my mind because like most of us, we were all preoccupied with celebrating valentine's day. yet when i realized that, "damn, has it been really that long? 20 years?" i suddenly felt a surge of interest in finding out what really transpired on those four days 20 years ago. i mean, i had to, being that i was only 9 years old when everything went down the way it did. my world then was solely focused on a couple of things: playing with my neighbor friends in the afternoons after school, and being in my room after dinner or watching tv.

i vaguely remember what i was doing that day. all i know was that i was in school, then suddenly we were sent home without us being given a reason why. at my age during that time, i could care less what the reason was. i mean, no school! what kind of kid wouldn't be happy at such an event? i also remember that rumors were spreading that the reason why classes were cut short was due to things getting uneasy and fighting was imminent. when i got home, i was surprised to see my dad who was also home early, telling me that "things were escalating and all office workers were asked to go home." going back further, i also recall my parents having a conversation with our neighbors after the snap election and who they voted for. our neighbors across the street were Marcos loyalists, so i heard them saying about how things will be if he wins. but most of the other neigbors voted for Aquino and predicted that change will be in the air soon.

beyond that, i couldn't–even after shaking and rattling my head for random memories to pop out–recall the events during and immediately after those four days. with that renewed interest, i sought out to research the things that went on. coincidentally, the first of the four days in history, february 22, was my day off. i got a copy of the morning paper (philippine daily inquirer) and there was a section devoted entirely to the anniversary of the people power revolution, complete with the series of events that unfolded during those times, and excerpts from people who were directly involved with what happened, as well as some of the people who took to the streets in defiance of Marcos' persistence that he won the snap election even after proof of election-rigging was rampant. i spent the entire morning, and the next two days after that, reading those articles, browsing through those timelines, admiring those people who took part and thankful for how everything ended the way it did (i failed to get a copy of yesterday's paper because of what happened at the supermarket–see entry below).

ever my curious mind, i then wondered,
"what if everything didn't happen the way it did?"
"what if people in the military didn't defect and stood by then president Marcos?"
"what if Marcos, under the reasoning 'to restore order at all costs' ordered the attack on the 'rebels'' camp even if it meant murdering hundreds of civilians in the process?"
"what if, even after being attacked, the 'rebels' fought back gallantly and took the fight back to the palace where Marcos was holding up?"
"what if people didn't heed the call of Cardinal Sin to go to the streets?"
"what if Cardinal Sin didn't make that call at all?"
"what if General Ramos and Minister Enrile didn't start it all by switching sides?"
"what if there was no cheating in the elections?"
"what if there wasn't any snap elections?"

…and a few hundred or so more questions filled my mind. i guess those questions wouldn't be there in the first place if everything during that time was that peaceful. but it wasn't. which meant that the revolution was an event waiting to happen. looking and reading at the timeline of events again and again–it sounds mushy, but it holds true–i am proud of being a filipino. what they did 20 years ago, was the foundation of what we have right now. even if things today aren't that all too well also, given the events in recent days, at least (in my opinion) things are better off now. most of you may disagree with my sentiments, but think about it for a while. though most politicians still clash with one another, it's better that way that for them to be picked up, and became "lost." it was the freedom we were then yearning for, and the one we're enjoying now.

and so i say to the people who took part in the uprising, i salute and thank you; whichever or wherever political side you're with today. you gave the people something to live for, and something to look forward to everyday. here's a single proud filipino voice uttering his gratitude to your bravery and your courage. thank you.

on another note, this past tuesday marked the 10th anniversary of, well, me being single. yep, that was the day the person behind these blog entries was "born." now that day, i remember very well as if it was yesterday. i remember the tears falling down my eyes, the pain i felt when she ignored my plea to give our relationship one more chance, the slap on my pride i felt when she called her new boyfriend on the phone in front of me, the sadness of being alone from then on, and the feeling of "i'll win her back at all costs" burning inside of me when i left her house that day (which i wasn't successful in doing).

i guess what both events have in common is that both of them are inevitable. they were destined to happen. though the breakup was indeed painful, there was really no stopping it. she made her decision and that was it. i had to live with it, or at that time, start to live with it. though it wasn't the same since then, it was the start of a journey–a journey that is still in progress–to find my way back to relationship happiness. though both of us haven't been in touch with each other for some time now, i'm guessing that she also remembers that day. maybe not as vivid as how i recall it, but maybe as a crossroad she had to take.

10 years. who would've imagined i'll be single for such a period of time? or maybe, just maybe, this is also destined to be. a journey that will never reach it's destination.

i'm the type of person who avoids getting into confrontations of any kind with people i barely know. simply because, one, i don't know the person so i don't know what state of mind he or she is in–even if that person looks normal in the true sense of the word; and two, i tend to lose control of the situation and most likely end up on the losing end of that confrontation (though this hasn't been proven yet, it's just based on gut feeling). but, as the saying goes, "there's always a first time for everything." and it happened when i least expected it, and on a situation that's profoundly mundane.

as i was preparing to go home from work yesterday, i received a text message from my mom asking my to buy some groceries since we're a bit running low on supplies at home. though this was "outside the regular spending pattern" (a phrase commonly used by my agents when trying to verify transactions by customers) for me, i gladly obliged and proceeded straight to the supermarket. i almost forgot that it was a saturday morning so upon parking my car, i kinda expected the lines to be long at the check out area so i thought of limiting what i would be picking up. so i got in, snatched a basket from the pile near the entrance and went on my way.

it took me roughly 15-20 minutes getting what i think was needed. with my basket nearly full and getting heavier to carry, i then proceeded to the check-out area. on normal grocery shopping with my mom, we would normally have a pushcart full of items and would take around 15 minutes for us to have them scanned and paid, but since i was only carrying a basket, i was hoping to get out faster. i then proceeded to the counters on the far right side of the supermarket for people using baskets instead of pushcarts (i guess most major supermarkets have these counters for people who only get less items they need) and fell in line. there were a few people ahead of me so i thought to myself, "this could take a while." while passing time, i looked around and thought of some things that i might've overlooked. i went over the stuff in my basket just to make sure and was convinced that i had everything i needed.

i read the sign on the counter which said, "BASKET LANE (ONLY ONE BASKET PER CUSTOMER)." suddenly, a woman with a half-full pushcart falls in line next to where i was at. though that line was quite shorter, the people in front had more items on their baskets compared to the people in front of me. i then thought to myself, "lady, you're on the wrong counter." i just kept silent, hoping that she'll notice that other people lining up were carrying baskets, not pushing carts and eventually, she'll be transferring. with her arms crossed, she stood and glared at the line in front of her, but waited patiently. people around started looking at her as if she has a red-colored dress and all of us are wearing white for the simple reason that she was on the wrong line and would further inconvenience the people behind her (all carrying baskets as per the sign).

in similar, yet completely different scenarios, i would just mind my own business and ignore what just pulled up beside me. but i looked around and she was the only one with the pushcart and either she still hasn't noticed that she's on the wrong line, or is just queueing on this line since it's quite faster and she would get away with it. even with her stone-faced glare, i decided to stand up for the other people who wouldn't. with a smile, i calmly told the lady, in my own native tongue of course, "excuse me ma'am, this is a 'basket only' line," and pointed to the sign. suddenly, i felt like i was in the scene of the movie, "You've Got Mail" wherein Meg Ryan was on a cash only line and she only had a credit card with her. i swear, i could never forget that look she gave me after i said that to her. it's what i coined as the "who died and made you king?" expression. she just gave that look and kept silent, yet didn't move. "uhm, ma'am, you're in the 'basket only' lane," i repeated but with a tiny bit of increase in volume, thinking she might've not heard me the first time since there was the music on the background and people around chattering. to which she then quipped, "so what? does it say that no pushcarts are allowed here?"

with fatigue setting in, my normal patience started to wear thin. i mean for god's sake, doesn't this lady have any common sense at all?! still composed, i replied, "ma'am, everyone on this area who are falling in line are carrying baskets because the sign says so." she then looked at the sign and around her, and with people looking back at her, you could've swore she would feel at least a bit embarrassed by where she was at, but she still stood her ground and sarcastically replied, "yeah, i know. so what?" at that point, i just backed off and just let her be. i mean, it's useless getting into that thick attitude of hers. i then noticed that she felt uneasy with the people staring at her in approval of what i just did. suddenly, she left her pushcart and came back with two baskets and started transferring her stuff to the baskets! i had to admit, i was initially impressed by her ingenuity, yet still felt sorry for the people behind her who felt that she's getting one over them.

as she was stuffing the baskets with her stuff, i noticed that she would look at my way at times, trying to display that she's now following the sign with her face spelled, "are you happy now?" as the baskets were overflowing, i then retorted, "ma'am the sign says only one basket per customer." she then gave me a fierce look and shouted, "c'mon, i'm in a hurry! don't mind me, ok?!" at that point all the people in line looked at her, including the ladies at the cahiers, surprised about what just happened. a security guard then arrived, asking what the commotion was about. she then explained what she was trying to do and pointed at me as the culprit for starting everything. i told the security guard what i said to her, and noticing what she was doing, reiterated what the sign says and asked her to just transfer her items back to the pushcart and proceed to another line. disgraced, disappointed, angry and embarrassed, she placed the baskets on the pushcart and angrily stormed away.

the people around us can't help but smile at what happened, especially the people behind the angry lady. after a few more minutes, it was my turn at the counter, had my stuff scanned and paid for. my question is, do people still read signs and read them well? or is it just us filipinos who have the tendency to find a way around such signs just for their own personal benefit? i never intended to pick an argument with that lady. i was just an educated person showing another educated person what the sign says, hoping she would understand. sadly, it turned out to be one confrontation i wouldn't forget for days to come. i guess the lesson here is to read the fine print so you can avoid being escorted out of the building. better yet, understand the fine print and have your dignity intact.

isn't it nice when something you want in life–whether it be something material or a goal that you're aiming for–that you know you cannot achieve, reach or get suddenly appears right in front of you (figuratively speaking) and all you have to do is stretch your hand out and grab it? when you put off something as impossible and then out of nowhere, you're already in/on it? that feeling of "this must be a dream" kind of thing is not a dream but is happening for real? when you cannot help but smile all day upon that feeling of sheer luck and good fortune came your way starts to sink in and your senses are heightened to the point that you're literally bouncing up and down in joy? when suddenly, all your friends and family actually start feeling happy for YOU (for a change, instead of someone else) and whatever good thing that has happened to you? and that feeling when it has all sunk in, you go to bed at night for the first time in a very, very, very, very and i mean very, long time, you know you'll wake up feeling the same way when you fell asleep and with a smile on your face, knowing that everything is all good?

well, that happened to me the day after valentines. and man, it was f**king awesome.

i wish i could say the same for my lovelife.

and there goes my post-valentine entry.