it feels weird going to see a movie one week after doing the same. but hey, having promised myself not to let the big movies slip away this year, the feeling was more obligatory than weird. i was supposed to watch MI:3 with a friend, but she backed out at the last minute. with tickets already reserved the week before, i frantically searched for a replacement. i texted my other friends who i thought were free on that day as well ('twas a thursday evening screening), but came up with nothing. even my sister, who was supposed to be my backup moviedate also backed out. so i had no other choice but to cancel the reservations and made a new one–just for one. anyhow, the move was very, very good, if not better than the second installment of the MI series. it showed a more human side of ethan hunt and how the "mission" is not always the be-all and end-all that runs his life. action scenes were superb and wonderfully shot. and nothing comes close to seeing it on a thx theater with the explosions and sounds of gunfire coming to life. worth waiting for its dvd release like the previous movie i saw, "silent hill."

i'm having second thoughts of going to see "poseidon" next week when it's released here. basic plot: a cruise ship gets in the way of a large tsunami-like phenomenon on it's voyage. well, i have seen "titanic" on numerous occasions, so what's there to topple the most successful ship-tragedy movie ever made? yet the setting of titanic was in the early 1900's and poseidon was set somewhere near present times, and both were true stories–yet again, at least titanic was. could be a no-brainer if you ask me, but then again, pre-release reviews peg it as a good one.

speaking of no-brainers, the movie "da vinci code" is threatened not to be released here. at least that's as far as what i have heard. why? because the self-proclaimed, all-powerful mtrcb says it shows or promotes anti-christ or anti-christian elements, if not changes the traditional, age-old beliefs of christianity. WTF? i mean W-T-F? what's important is what your personal belief. so what if the movie shows that christ did have a child with mary magdalene? does that movie alone have the capacity to convert catholics to non-believers overnight after seeing it? i mean, i have seen the "gospel of judas" on NGC and the channel's successive programs on secret bible week and i found them only interesting at the most. but that didn't change my christian and catholic beliefs. yes, it did cross my mind that "what if that were true?" but yet i didn't come running to my parish church and hold a placard saying "tell us the truth!" i mean, why would i base a life-changing decision of denouncing my beliefs on a program that only shows what is based on fact against how my parents and my school raised me to be? it's a stupid decision for the mtrcb to give that movie an X rating as they are threatening to do. this movie is released for entertainment, pure and simple. let the church decide on its content and moral values, and even if it does denounce the movie, which i think they won't, nothing will stop the public from seeing it anyway. let the theaters reel in big money for this sure-fire hit movie and in the end, everybody's happy. am i right, or am i right?

veering away from the subject, a lot of blog readers have asked me, either through the comments link or in person, about what happened to my brother's introduction of his first girlfriend to the family. honestly, it actually went very well. she is a nice and sweet person, and i'm proud of my brother for choosing such a woman to be his girlfriend. the family had lunch together and we all got to know her better. as far as the extended family goes (my cousins and aunt and uncles), they're now putting the pressure on me and when i'll be introducing someone to the family. all i can say is, been there, done that last year. though things didn't come out as expected. and quite frankly, i don't feel any pressure. and why should i? i have my own plans of adopting by next year should i not get married. which reminds me that i'll be turning the big three-oh in a couple of weeks time. no plans of how to celebrate it yet, but it'll be most likely the same as last year. though the only difference this year is that i'll be going to work on the day itself, unlike the previous years that i didn't even think of working on my birthday. now that's a sign that i'm really gettin' old… *sigh*

all of us wander through a haze or fog in our so-called lives, uncertain where our harnessed knowledge in the years of our educational phase or the bitter experiences in the real world will lead us to the answers we're looking for, or the kind of life we seek. we press on, still searching, eventually discovering and or realizing within ourselves the reason for our endless questioning. this is what i think the movie silent hill is trying to potray. it is set as a horror story as real as the real world can get. yet at times we have difficulty comprehending the real from the fantasy. we get so wrapped up in our dreams of a better life, dreams of a peaceful life, that we tend to shut out reality altogether.

the little girl in the movie represents our endless search for answers; our ever-growing search for sanity and sense in amidst the turmoil of everyday life. it keeps calling us, whether it be as soft as a whisper, or as loud as a deafening scream. yet in as much as we do not understand why it keeps calling us, we somehow acknowledge it and we take the path. this is what the lead character represents–us taking the initiative, heeding the call of our self-unrest, trying to make sense of everything that is going on.

while the lead character is our own personality, the police officer represents the voice of reason; everything that we have taught ourselves, from the feeling of our present lives being secure, to the sense of self-preservation by the simple reasoning that our search for whatever it is we're looking for will end in futility. yet behind that character is also an ally who we could count on to pull us through and face any adversity head on. the husband represents all of our loved ones, who try to help, rescue or bring us back and who also serve as our inspiration in the assurance that whatever we do, we'll have their support.

the town itself represents everything else, thus the sheer chaos and complexity that blinds us or make us swerve from the direction we're headed, slowing down our search. add the fog and the transitional turn to darkness which represent our deepest and darkest fears, together with the townsfolk who stand for our traditions and beliefs our families and civilization has taught us, and it all comes out as one ultimate test of our resolve. whether we come out of it unscathed or scarred for life like the little girl's twin (which by the way represents our unfulfilled desires and frustrations, our need for revenge and our anger unleashed on the nurse, which represents our innocence that has been destroyed for life), we ultimately come out maybe not physically altered, but mentally relieved, satisfied that our search has ended the way we wanted it to end, and not the way we expect it to end.

this is what i think the entire concept of silent hill is all about. it is not just a town, but an entire journey in itself. a journey which will question our beliefs, play with our imagination, challenge our courage, puzzle our knowledge, and test our resolve. as i would like to put it, "silent hill…a place all of us want to go to; where the answers to our most intimidating questions can be found, and yet will turn our deeply rooted beliefs inside out; a place where everything will be realized, where the journey starts and ends at the same time."

rarely do i write about movies i have seen (on the big screen or dvd), but seeing that this would be a blockbuster summer movie season, i believe i'll be spending more time on the theaters this year than any of the previous years. truth be told that in the past, i have let big-budgeted, overly-hyped, sales-grossing movies pass me by, but hopefully that won't be the same this year. and what proper way to start a review than with a movie i have long since waited for a screen adaptation: silent hill.

for the average joe who is wondering, the movie silent hill is a movie based on the video game of the same title which first appeared on the sony playstation one. i never was a fan of suspense-horror games until this one appeared. i was intrigued about the reviews i read on the net and the cut-scenes i saw on tv so i got it and tried it out. the game is great, graphics and story-wise, and i got hooked. after learning that there were four (if not three) possible endings to the game, i immediately got hooked on finishing it with all the possible outcomes. in any case, basic plot of the game was father was driving along a countryside with his daughter on the front seat, had an accident, and upon coming to, saw that his daughter was gone and discovered the town of silent hill. what happens next is a series of weird, bizzare, supernatural and morbid events while he conducts a search for his daughter in the haunted town. much is unknown about the history of the place and the main character slowly discovers its deep-rooted secrets as he progresses along. he eventually finds his daughter, but depending on his actions during the game itself, how it ends is a mystery.

before the movie came out, i admitted that with the complexity of the game itself, it'll be hard to satisfy the fans who have lived and breathed on playing and finishing the game and it's three sequels. with that in mind, i also wondered if the movie will be a mixture of all the individual games' plots and sub-plots. much to my satisfaction as i saw the movie, it is mainly based on the original story of the first game. with a few minor changes, of course. the most striking of which is the change of the lead character from male to female. i guess by doing so, it gave the movie a more terrifying point of view. the other supporting characters are taken directly from the game, which would make the average fan of the game relate well to the movie. what intrigued me the most is how the movie will end, after seeing the different types of endings on the game, i asked myslef, "what ending would the producers choose?"

jumping into the movie itself without revealing too much of the story and how it progressed, the producers did an excellent job of bringing the game to the big screen. it presented the mystery behind the town and the kind of people who lived there. the background music was beautifully rendered and was composed by the person who did the music for the game. the "scare factor" is also excellent, for i noticed quite a number of shreiking female moviegoers on some of the film's scenes. i also believed that the characters who potrayed the game's stars did a remarkable job in transitioning them from the game to reel life. it is as if the game was thoroughly studied and played to bring out the kind of adaptation gamers are looking for in these types of game-to-movie genre. the environment acts as one of the characters here, as it also closely depicts the two-sided facets of this eerie and hauntingly mysterious town. yet in order to understand the movie fully for one who hasn't heard or played the game, the plot must be given it's whole and undivided attention. the reason for the town's existence and the mystery surrounding it may be too complicated for some, but if you're not a thinking movie fan, this ain't for you.

if you want to be entertained without the notion that "this is just another scary movie," then this movie is highly recommended. it's not your typical evil-incarnate, creatures-spawned-by-the-darkness-of-hell, all-poweful-beings-will-eventually-come-to-save-the-day type movies, but it gives a new perspective on horror movies. it further touches on human emotions, false beliefs and how humanity can play an integral role in changing not just the people of the town, but an entire town in itself. though me being a fan of the game before the movie came out may present a little sense of bias in favoring the film, i could very well say that this is one movie that is a must-see…gamer or not.

it has been a year and a day since that memorable easter sunday trip i had last year and i still find myself holding on to whatever feeling i had that day. like a pillow or a comfort blanket, i cling on to the thoughts, going back to a tranquil, peaceful moment in time with a soul long devoid of such serenity, with uncertainties as i march on forward, hoping to find my way back to that place with the hope of it being for keeps this time. yet as time ticks away, that sense of hope continues to fade, slowly being replaced by the harsh, yet solid reality that there is no hope at all, and whatever glimmer of hope i do have is but a figment of my imagination.

i actually had planned to go back to tagaytay yesterday just to kind of "commemorate" what happened last year. but fate had other plans (read: work) and i was forced to cancel that trip for the second time (the first was supposed to be on my birthday last year). yet somehow, maybe that means that there's still something left from that episode in my life. like an unfinished chapter with blank pages ahead, waiting to be written. in any case, i have learned not to expect too much from it. as i would like to put it, "don't jump too high in excitement, as you may risk landing awkwardly and getting yourself hurt in the end."

but the bottomline is, i do miss her. badly. so will somebody please step up and remove this feeling i have for her? if not, then would somebody please beat the living crap out of me till i'm dead?

it's just me, celebrating easter. hope everyone else's better than mine.

the nurse came into the room and checked his blood pressure. he was awakened by the procedure and realized that he had fallen asleep with the laptop still on. "talk about going back in time," he said, referring to the dream he had about the day he got the news, and that night he was supposed to tell her but was stopped short of her telling him of the breakup between her and her boyfriend. "how are you today? are the headaches still keeping you up at night?" the nurse asked him. "come to think of it, last night was the first time in a long time that i had slept well," he answered with a little slur in his voice, due to the effects of medication administered to him to help fight a losing battle to the inevitable. "at least it kept you comfy last night," the nurse replied with a sheepish smile, trying to lift his spirits during his remaining days on earth. "thank you," is all he could say, his mind still preoccupied with finishing the final entry on his blog. he had already told the world through his blog about what happened to him, and what was about to come. never did he expect the kind of comments he would be getting after posting the entry he entitled, "facing the reaper." after all, that day was the same as any other day. he just decided to tell what happened to him, a thing he kept doing so for the past four years. there was, however, one person who still doesn't know. he kept it from her all this time, she not even knowing that he has a blog. he had his reasons for not doing so, going as far as telling her a couple of months ago that he'll be going to the states to visit his dad when in reality, he reluctantly agreed to chemotherapy. he didn't stay long though, for his body rejected chemo and after spending time with his dad, quietly went back home and decided to wait it out through constant medication and frequent migraine attacks.

he was admitted to the hospital a couple of weeks ago, his condition deteriorating. he was given weeks to live now, and he spent that time talking to relatives and reaching out to old friends and old flames, most of whom were more shocked than surprised at finding out what happened to him, and some whom he couldn't get in touch with, and just left at the thought that "at least i tried." not a day goes by when someone would visit him and soon, stories would fill the room, reminiscing of happier times and towards the end, tears would start to flow. not from him, but from the people who came to see him. though sometimes he would also get carried away, he's already accepted his fate and embraced it proudly, telling his well-wishers that everything would be alright. yet there was one person left that he needed to talk to, and today was that day. though he still hadn't figured out what to say and how to say it, he never gave it some thought as he believed that everything will come out at the right time. as the nurse finished her daily check-up on him, his mother came into the room. she had gone home for the night at his request so that he could be alone with his thoughts as he typed his final blog entry. "did you sleep well last night?" she asked as she placed down a couple of plastic bags containing some food and other stuff he asked to be brought over. "yeah, thankfully," he replied with a sigh of relief. "you ready to face her?" she continued. "i better be," he replied with a mild laugh. "this is not quite what she would expect to see." he had asked for his mother's help in contacting her and asking her to come to the hospital. though she was quite surprised getting a call from his mom, she immediately agreed to be there the next day, still perplexed as to why he's back home and in a hospital.

it was mid-morning when she arrived. his mom went out front to meet her, telling her the entire story. tears then filled her eyes, realizing what had transpired. scenes from when they were "together" suddenly flashed in front of her as she was led to his room and all she could think of was "why? why didn't he tell me?" as she stood by the door, she stopped as she felt afraid to enter and see for herself, yet anxious to find some answers. as his mom slowly led her inside, she was greeted by bouquet after bouquet of flowers from previous well-wishers, friends and family which made the room look like a diverse flower garden; at his bedside was a table filled with letters and cards urging him to fight on; and there he was, lying on the bed, eyes closed and earphones in place, listening to music, a far cry from what he used to look like the last time she saw him. "i wish we could've met under better circumstances," he said, sensing her presence. he then opened his eyes and saw her again for the first time in almost a year. her simple beauty still captivated him amidst the tears that were now free falling on her face. she looked at him, her face filled with a thousand questions, fighting their way to be asked first. "i'm sorry for not telling you any sooner," he continued. "you weren't the only one. i did keep this a secret to almost everyone, well except my immediate family of course. i didn't want any special attention or friends treating me like i only had a few months left. it was my decision, so again, i apologize," he went on as he extended his hand to hold hers.

she then reached out and embraced him, and finally broke down. as his heart started racing, tears also slowly filled his eyes as he hugged her back. realizing what she had done to him in the past, she kept saying "i'm sorry" in between sobs. "you don't have anything to apologize for," he answered. "there were things you did that you thought were right and i didn't question them, well at least not vocally," he said. "what do you mean?" she asked. "for one thing, remember almost two years ago, when on my birthday, i gave you all those gifts? it included a letter which you told me afterward that you threw it away without even reading it because you didn't want to find out what was in it? i mean, all that i have felt about you, all that i wanted to tell you was there. i felt devastated when you told me that, yet i just bit my tongue and pretended that i didn't hear that." he paused as he wiped the tear from his eyes and continued, "yet for some reason, i understood, even if you didn't tell me, your reason for doing so. you were in a relationship and you wouldn't want anything to destroy that. at that time i also wished that i didn't make that letter, yet it was something that i also couldn't hold back from saying. but i'm seldom being selfish, so i really wish at that time that you had read that," and ended with a sheepish laugh.

"all this time," she finally uttered, "why haven't you said anything to me? why wait until now to tell about all this?" she asked as she looked around her. he let go of his grasp, put her face in front of him, gently wiped tears off her eyes and said, "i didn't want you to change what you have going for you. ever since the 'fight' we had via text over two years ago, i promised myself that i wouldn't be the one to initiate any form of communication to you, that i'd only reply if you texted me first. i got tired of your reasons. way before, we were inseparable. we'd meet in a heartbeat when i ask you out or you'd ask me out. but when you started 'avoiding' me after i told you how i felt, it seemed so unfair that just because of that, you changed everything. deep inside, you know i was always there for you when you needed comforting of someone you hold dear in your heart. i became your 'boyfriend' when he wasn't there. yet after everything i have done, all i got was your back turned, never to hear from you again, except when you felt like talking to me. that's why i did what i did. it was painful at first, but i managed to do it. i kept silent all this time because you wanted it like that. and because i love you, i endured everything. i gave you what you wanted and God knows that. yet despite that, i still held you in my heart. waiting, hoping that one day, you'll realize everything. yet when i was diagnosed and was told that i had little time to live, knowing how unfair things have been to me, i welcomed it and left everything to fate. and here you are, with me, on my final hours. at least i got to spend what time i have left with someone who i deeply love, even though she doesn't feel the same for me."

he then collapsed as instruments around him started beeping. she then ran out of the room and called for doctors. when she got back, his mother was in the room, silently crying, resigned to the fate of her son. doctors came in and revived him. as he was being stabilized, she went by his side. he opened his eyes, looked at her, and smiled. as she tried to tell him something, he raised his hand, pressed his fingers against her lips, not allowing her to say anything. he then removed the oxygen and struggled to talk. slowly he said, "you don't have to say anything. you did what you thought was right for you. all that matters is your happiness, even if it sacrificed mine." he smiled at her again and said, "i'll always have that easter sunday with you….here in me." the ominous sound of the flat line echoed throughout the room as his grip on her hand slowly loosened, breathing his last. she cried hysterically, realizing she wasn't able to tell him what she truly felt. despite her apologetic sobs, he never heard them, putting an end to what might have been something special for both of them.