***to start off, this again came from liz' blog and being tagged, i'm happy and obliged to answer. this time, it's for my seven (7) songs. i'm guessing that the tag is asking me to list my favorite songs. i currently have a lot on my mind, but i'll be listing the ones i frequently listen while driving to and from work, so here goes:

1. bad day by daniel powter – this i listen to when, of course, i have a… let's say, a challenging day at work.
2. all she wrote by default – this is fast becoming one of my all-time favorites. the words somehow hit close to home.
3. oh l'amour (matt darey remix) by erasure – it's one of two trance/house tunes that i sometimes just can't get enough of these days.
4. only time by enya – a tune to calm me down when nothing goes right.
5. have you ever needed someone so bad by def leppard – for those times when i need to be comforted by someone… that bad.
6. estranged by guns n' roses – for the times when my practical self consoles my emotional self.
7. how do you talk to an angel by the heights – i never, ever let a week pass by without listening to this song. one of my all-time favorite tunes.

of course, the list is definitely subject to change depending on the mood i have. most times, my mood determines the music i listen to, but there are instances when a certain song or songs that is or are playing on my car stereo suddenly changes what i feel. with that being said, i decide not to tag anyone with this entry at this time.

***metro manila is now under storm signal number three. and i'm still at work!! i could see the rain pouring hard and the winds bending trees outside. a couple more minutes and i'm heading home.

***my new blog is still under construction, for those who are asking. i originally planned to unveil it this coming sunday, october 1, but i may put it off until a couple of days later. thanks for your continued visits and comments here. i really appreciate it.

***october is upon us and so is christmas!! can't wait to feel the holiday atmosphere as this is the only period in the year where my spirits are lifted.

***stay safe and dry, folks. =)

i'm moving… to a new blogsite, that is. big thanks to trina for introducing me to a new place where i can blog. i'm currently finishing the layout for my new home, which by the way is more fully customizable that what i have here. plus, it's closer to home. no third party software like my current tagboard and site counter. when everything is done, that's when i'll be announcing the new url. my biggest task after that will be personally archiving all my previous posts. i'm still not sure if i can transfer them over as well without affecting the date of posting. if you have any ideas or ways of doing that, please let me know. it'll be most appreciated. until then, hope everyone has a good weekend. =)

it's no secret that i used to dream of being a radio disc jockey. my vast array of customized cd compilations is one solid testament that i love listening to and playing music, while another one would be doing dee-jay segments over the phone during one of those fun five-way sessions when i was still an active member of rx's mailing list. just ask cher and janie. and another would be going on the air during saturday nights back when matt montoya was on board just to greet fellow listers and join the station's promos. the dream went way back into my college days even before i joined the mailing list and i was an active listener (and caller) for another radio station owned by network giant gma 7. when their formatting changed and went to a "masses" type radio station, that's when i made the switch. man, i dreamt of having my own three or four-hour board work, deciding what to play, things to say, promos to run, the works!

but that's just it. "used to" being the operative word. or phrase. whatever. i'm beginning to realize that maybe it was just a phase i was going through. yet looking back, it was something that i know i really, really, and i mean really want to do. it was the next dream job on my list after fulfilling my first dream job by working for mcdonald's while i was in my final year in college. yet looking back closer, that desire went far earlier in my college days. not that i didn't do something about it, i actually had a few opportunities to break into the business. when that gma 7 station started the "campus aircheck" program for student dee-jays, i immediately filled out a bio-data and waited for the audition period. but when it coincided with my preliminary exams, i had to forego my auditions to give way to my studies. there goes break one. the next one came a couple of years later when i was already an rx listener (that gma 7 station already changed their format so subsequent auditions would be in their new format). yet their "radio one" program was again catered to student dee-jays. but i already earned my degree and was in-between jobs (resigned at mcdonald's to pursue a more degree-related career). so, break two scrapped.

the third try came about on a slightly different aspect. at that time, there was this new company called trapik.com which caters to "reporters" going on-air in various radio stations on plotted times of the day telling listeners of the traffic situations in various parts of the metropolis. their tag-line at that time was "take the first step in becoming a radio disc jockey and be a reporter for trapik.com," or something to that effect. i thought to myself that maybe i should take this route first and applied. i passed the interview and was part of a workshop for about a week on the basic stuff like pronunciation, voice projection and tones, and some other stuff on how to "say" things on the air. at the end of the workshop, we all had our final recordings which will be used to select the ones who will be taken in. unfortunately, i didn't make the cut. so there goes number break number three. the fourth installment of my pursuit of my on-air dream happened a couple of years ago, while i was starting out with the call center industry. there was an open audition for a new batch of rx "jocks" (they're not called dee-jays anymore, at least from their point of view), so i hooked up with a friend who is also a mailing list member and the vice president of the station to set me up for an audition, which he gladly obliged. i went in, nervous as hell, and did a recorded interview which included me reading a few lines from a news article and a marketing promotion. i felt that with me increasing the times i had to speak english due to the nature of my work, that i would at least barely pass. but sad to say, i never heard from them afterward, even regarding the result of my interview/audition. no, i'm not mad at them for not contacting me, i just realized the hard way that i didn't meet their expectations.

that was the last attempt in pursuing my dream. i then concentrated on my work as a csr and the rest is history. i continued to be a listener of rx, yet as i moved up in my career, i had taken on new challenges and the dream of becoming a radio dee-jay slowly faded away. the dream became just a mere wish now due to the setbacks that i had in trying to be where i wanted to be, coupled with the thought that "being-a-dee-jay-may-not-be-for-me," like others who have tried and failed to reach for that elusive career…

..until now. rx has announced the second season for "radio idol," which basically is a search for the next rx jock(s). as you may have seen on the tag-board, -a- has informed me that it has no age restrictions unlike its initial run. i never really had time to ponder on joining because of the work i have right now. plus the fact that, if not for -a-'s advice regarding the "no age restrictions" clause, it wouldn't stir enough interest for me to even think about the thought of re-kindling that dream. which brings me to the present day. honestly, i'm still 50/50 on whether to try out again or not. if ever, this would be my fourth attempt (fifth, counting the aborted plan of auditioning on the very first attempt), and i gotta tell you, being turned down three times has a way of telling me if something ain't for me. don't get me wrong, i'm not the one who easily gives up. fact is, in my current career, i have been turned down twice in being promoted to the next level and got lucky on the third try. but that's a different story. this past friday, i made a small step in re-kindling that dream by contacting that VP/friend of mine and asked when is the last day of auditions and also asked him if the no age restriction clause is true. from what i remember, he said that the final day of auditions would be sometime either this week or next week. as far as the age restriction goes, he said that he'll get back to me with that.

yet it all goes back to the same question: should i go for it again? or retire the dream completely? some of my past friends who were lucky enough to become dee-jays told me before that to successfully become one, i should have connections on the inside. yet despite having that, i never resorted to asking friends for favors, especially in a scenario such as this. i'd rather go through the whole process, get in or fail on my own accord rather than using friendship or connections to buy my way in. but whether or not i try to audition, my love for listening to and playing music stays the same. but, as i have caught myself doing so many times already, during the times i'm playing my cd or mp3 collection, i would interject in-between songs, talk about the next song, or how the weather is, or what's coming up during the hour.

i may have the voice and talent for the job, but i guess it takes way more than that to reach something that may be only wishful thinking for me–or something that may not be for me at all.

"thank you for waiting, enjoy your coffee," said the lady behind the counter as she presented him with his order. "thank you," he replied back, took the tray and headed to the mezzanine. he had driven almost two hours uphill from the city to the coffee shop overlooking the most fantastic view he had ever seen. a gust of cool breeze welcomed him as he exited the staircase while scanning the area for a place to sit. the mezzanine was half-empty so he went to the far end to settle down so he can take a better look at the scenery. "nothing like inhaling fresh air," he said to himself as he inhaled some of the cool air surrounding him while surveying nature's glory before calmly sitting down. he then took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and started to look inside to see how many he has left. "this seems just about right," he uttered as he took one and lit it up. after making his first puff, he leaned back on the chair and held the cup of coffee in the other hand, as his thoughts began to wander.

"looks like you need some company," a female voice suddenly blurted, piercing the calm serenity he was in.

"no, not really, but i guess it wouldn't hurt," he replied as he motioned the lady to the chair opposite him.

"thanks," she said back as she took her seat. "great view, isn't it?" she added. "i always try to come up here when things get too rough back in the metro. it's kinda like a retreat for me." he still was looking at the view as her comments went by.

"i take it you often come up here?" he then asked, breaking the uneasy silence she didn't quite expect.

"at least i try to, with all the things going on in my life right now. i barely have time for myself," she said as she paused to sip on her ordered beverage. "how about you?" she asked.

he let out a soft, short chuckle as she ended her question. "i haven't been here for quite some time," he then answered. "at least i hoped i would be coming back after the last time i was here, but…" he trailed off, not wanting to reveal so much to the stranger in front of him.

she slowly nodded, realizing what he was talking about. she then reached for her purse and went through her things as if she was looking for something. "lost something here, too?" he jokingly asked, noticing her fidgeting among her things inside her purse.

"no, i think i may have run out of cigarettes," she answered back, frustrated as she kept looking inside.

"here, it's my last one," he said as he handed the pack with the last stick inside. "you can have it."

"are you sure?" she reluctantly asked. "yeah, go ahead," he insisted.

"thanks," she said, taking the pack. "don't worry, i won't ask for a light," she added as she took out her lighter.

another period of silence came. breaking the uneasy ambience again, she asked, "why are you here then?"

he did not answer immediately. it was either he wasn't sure of what to say, or if he would even answer the question at all. he surely wasn't about to reveal some things about himself to this woman, yet at the back of his mind, maybe this was something that he wanted. or, that he needed. after all, he was almost certain that nothing else would happen that would've made things a lot easier for him–or a lot simpler that it would have made complete sense. then, at that exact time, he wondered what was the real reason he came back to that place, though he told himself that the next time he would come back, it would be with that person whom he shared almost everything with, except that person took them and ran away with it, leaving him in the dust yet again.

"i came back here because of a promise, a promise made to me," he said as he tried to look her in the eye. he finished off his cigarette and added, "yet even though that promise wasn't fulfilled, i'd rather come back here, pretend that everything is the way they should have been, and then go back, leaving what was supposed to have been back here, with everything else i have inside for her."

she was taken aback with what he said. never before has she met someone with potentially everything she would want in a man. yet, at the back of her mind, she knew, that something special happening with this man is not right now. he was still hurting, that she understood. but part of her wanted so much to get to know this man who offered her a seat, a cigarette, and a small insight into his life.

"i see," she finally replied back as she bowed her head down, realizing that the conversation would go no further. "what then?" she asked, hoping that a slightest hint would come her way.

realizing what he had to do, and finally coming to terms with the inevitable, he finished his cup of coffee, calmly stood up, looked at her and told her before heading towards the exit, "now, it's a two-hour drive back home."