as i have mentioned in my prologue, this beach getaway was something i needed. it was a well-deserved vacation and something i have been wanting to do since last year. i enjoyed my time there and i'm looking forward to planning and having my next trip there–hopefully within this month, or at least before summer ends–either alone or with a few friends. i also mentioned that there were some realizations that took place, something which i wish never happened, but i guess it also acted as an eye-opener of some sorts.
i always had a soft spot for batchmates, whether it be school or at work, and i still do. and i always have the highest respect for them because knowing that we, as a group, took on something, be it four years in high school or college, or being trained for days or weeks for something that we're paid to do, that level of respect is gained because even if the person next to you in class didn't directly help you out whenever help is needed, you know what he or she is going through, and that person feels the same way about you. my galera trip wouldn't have been possible if my batchmates didn't actually ask me to join them. to provide you a little bit of history of our batch, myself, together with jen, a female colleague, were the only leaders to join a batch of associates in training. but during those two weeks, we bonded in a special kind of way, even if the two of us were holding management positions and the rest, are the ones to be managed. so going back, on this trip, i am the only one who's holding a position higher than the rest of the group. but i never, ever brought my title with me to that trip. even if, during the vacation, they were used to calling me by my title, i always reminded them that "there's no such thing as an AMO or team leader here. we're all equal, ok?" the getaway was not about work or colleagues. it was about friends having a good time. and a bonding time at that. i was wrong.
on the drinking session during first night, i noticed the others starting to have their own private conversations by either whispering to each other, or using signals. at first i didn't mind this, and just continued to have fun. but it all crystallized on the second night, wherein we were all in one long table and in the midst of the drinking and the partying, most were leaving the table to have their own private conversations, then go back, party, then go away again. i mean, we're supposed to be celebrating as a group and most of them would talk on their own? and guess who's left at the table most of the time? me. i literally was getting drunk by myself! that was why i left the table and wandered around by myself because i was getting annoyed at the scene. i tried to have fun with the group, bond with them, yet they opt to have their own private groups.
then it dawned on me that no matter how close i was with them on a personal or professional level, nor that we're batchmates at work, or that i joke with them at the office whenever we cross paths, the fact that i was a freakin' position higher than them, there remains an invisible wall between us. a gap that cannot be shortened, except maybe if we're both not working for the same company anymore. i admit, it was hard to swallow at first, but i understood and didn't hold any animosity towards them. i mean, i can't choose the way they act. heck, i'm not the one controlling their brains. it's just a sad truth that i have to live with. i brought this up with jen while we're having breakfast at work and she told me that there will always be things that they (the associates) won't be opening up to us, no matter how close we are with them, or the fact that we're batchmates. they will always have their own private world, their little space where people like us are not privy to it. i guess i was just naive about all of this.
but again, for the record, i'm not mad at them for being that way. i didn't actually realize what jen was talking about during the second night until after i took that walk alone. actually, one of them, days before the galera trip, told me that once we're there, we'll have lots of things to talk about. i actually looked forward to that, and waited for that person to approach me and start having that talk, but it never happened. and i completely understand why that person didn't, and i didn't think negatively of that person. i also wanted to clear some personal things and issues with that person, but i guess it wasn't meant to be. will it happen? maybe, maybe not. another one of those unclosed chapters on my personal archive.
but i had so much fun on that trip. really. honestly. and i'm not treating the ones who i went with any less than how i treated them before the trip. they're still my friends, and my colleagues. and with that, this closes the galera getaway series. i hope you enjoyed reading this as i enjoyed telling it. but the 31-on-31 series continues. on the coming entries, i'll be posting some, if not all, of my prized poetry collection. poems that i wrote during my college years. initially, i was hesitant to post them here, for someone else might copy it and claim that they wrote it. but i thought i'd rather share it and give inspiration to others who might need that particular poem during a trying time in their lives. so, look forward to that. thank you to everyone who placed their comments about my galera trip, whether it be on the shoutbox or the comments after each entry. until tomorrow's entry, hope everyone has a good friday! 🙂
Markie's Journal 