coming off the heels of the previous entry (see entry below; and i have to admit, i still think about that incident sometimes), it made me suddenly think of things, well, that should've been against what is the norm these days.  i can't recall if i wrote something similar to this (am i just too lazy to backread, or an early case of alzheimer's perhaps?), but i know for sure that i have tackled the things in the real world against things in the ideal world.  not exactly polar opposites, but contrasting just the same.  so below are the things that ran through my distraught head since that fateful day, with side comments on some in parenthesis.  of course, they are all open to your own interpretations and/or corrections and both are welcome.

…in the ideal world, your reputation is based on your character; in the real world, your character is based on your reputation.

…in the ideal world, doing a good job within your job description entitles you to a promotion; in the real world, getting a promotion entails you doing a good job outside your job description… and you have to apply for it.  (gone were the days where a promotion is just handed to you, aren't they?)

…in the ideal world, you need because you love; in the real world, you love because you need.  (a cliché, yes, but close to a truth as one can be)

…in the ideal world, getting famous means you have control over time to do your projects; in the real world, getting famous means your projects control your time.

…in the ideal world, staring at a beautiful woman would make her proud; in the real world, staring at a beautiful woman would make her file a sexual harrassment case against you.

…in the ideal world, doing good things for others makes one noble; in the real world, doing good things for others makes one a doormat.  (speaking from personal experience)

…in the ideal world, rubbing elbows with upper management labels you in good company; in the real world, rubbing elbows with upper management labels you a kiss-ass.  (hmmm…)

…in the ideal world, love "is blind;" in the real world, love is blind, deaf, mute, paralytic, and all the other things that a handicapped person is.  in short, it's taken for granted.

…in the ideal world, a simple mistake is easily written off; in the real world, a simple mistake can be easily written on record… and adds to your reputation (see first line).

…in the ideal world, when the boss says, "you're not obliged to, but you're encouraged to," means that it's voluntary; in the real world, when the boss says, "you're not obliged to, but you're encouraged to" means that it's voluntary, but you'll be seen in a bad light when you don't.

and last but not the least, and one of my "bitter pills," (because it's so true these days that at times, it's hard to accept it):

…in the ideal world, good enough is always enough; in the real world, good enough is never enough (partly taken from CNN).

forgive me for ranting, but it's a monday, and i hate mondays.  even if it is the second day of my work week.  i could sure use an ice-cold san mig light right about now… or a scotch, whiskey, or brandy on the rocks…  but an office-provided coffee machine is the only one available, so what the heck…

it was a warm tuesday mid-afternoon, july 17, 2007.  i was settling down in my room getting ready to get some sleep.  work has been stressing as of late, and my mind doesn't seem to get off of the things i needed to do.  although i have done this type of project before, forces beyond my control made it more than a challenge for me.  that time, i was thinking that everything will present itself at the last minute (which it eventually did).  so there i was, lying on my bed, trying to calm and relax my hyperactive mind in order to get some shut-eye.  i was thinking of something (or someone) to take my mind off things, and she suddenly just presented itself.  so i started thinking about the last time we got together, and how she has been silent ever since.  she has always been that way since the time of, well, what happened between us a couple of years ago.  on and off communication was the norm and quite frankly, i was starting to feel frustrated with that.  i had long wanted to tell her that, but everytime we get together, that thought seems to just disappear like a bubble.  so at that time, i was thinking that the next time we would talk, i'll really use that chance to tell her everything to set things straight.

out of nowhere, my mobile phone alerted me with a text message.  it was her.  i was thinking, "did i manage to send a mental telepathy message or somethin'?"  anyway, to be direct and straight to the point, below is the sms conversation we had.  take it for what it's worth, but i'm posting the entire transcript of the conversation to show how i felt during that time.  of course, i had the message exchange in filipino translated to english, since i don't want to break my streak of not posting anything in filipino.  not even this event can prompt me to make an exception.  again, this is the text conversation we had, not a talk over the phone.  so, here goes:

her:  hi.

me:  yes?

her:  where are you?

me:  at home.

her:  you didn't go to the gym?

me:  i was there yesterday.  i'll be going back tomorrow.  why?

her:  nothing.  is it bad to ask?

me:  nope, i'm just asking as well.

(at this point, i remembered her promise to me that we'll be going out upon her suspension from work which she told me when we last went out.)

her:  are you about to get some sleep?

me:  yeah, just about.

me (new message):  so, will we still go out?

her:  my suspension is over.  i went to anilao and bataan.

me:  great.  we didn't even get a chance to go out.  you said we would when your suspension will be served.  still nothing.

her:  yeah, the two weeks weren't enough.  i guess it should've been a month. (the suspension)

(at this point, i saw the opportunity i was looking for, so i jumped on it.)

me:  i guess there's nothing i can do much, really.  even if you said that we'll go out, if something more enticing comes your way, it's easy for you to just move our plans.  but that's ok, i'm used to it already.  i mean, you're always like that.  you only think or remember me when you run out of people to talk to.  you know what, yes, i'm frustrated.  call me a drama king, get mad at me, but whether you admit it or not, that's really what's happening here.  but you know me, i always try to understand your situation.

(it took a while for her to reply back.)

her:  whoa, is there an awards night or something?

me:  right, that's where you're good at.  veering away at serious conversations and being insensitive at times.  thanks.

her:  yeah, they say i'm good at that, and it's also an asset.  hehehehe

(i was getting pretty emotional at this point.)

me:  i know you have lots of other friends and stuff to do.  it's just that i wish at least you would show the same attitude i give you whenever i readily drop everything when you ask me to come see you or pick you up at the office.  all i'm asking is that you keep your promises.  you promised me a lot of things, but almost nothing was fulfilled.

(i was on a roll, and i won't let this opportunity slip by, so i made the most of it.)

me (new message):  if you're going to treat me as someone who you'll talk or go out with whenever you don't have anyone else to ask, just do it to someone else.  i have always treated and considered you as a close and special friend–at times, even more than such–despite what you did, or haven't done.  i guess i have every right to be this way to you.  it's getting pretty unfair already.

her:  ok, from now on you won't hear anything from me.  bye.

me:  *sigh* i just hope that someday, you would understand…

and just like that, our conversation–maybe even our communication ties–finally ended.  it was already around half past 4pm and i was still awake, trying to make sense of what just happened, and at the same time thinking, "did i do the right thing?"  yet i'm only able to completely get a grasp of it all just this past thursday afternoon after all the project-related stuff was taken cared of.  at that time, work came creeping back to my mind and i had to get some sleep.

i talked to trina about it the next day and at the same time, trying to affirm to myself that i really did the right thing.  she did agree, saying that people sometimes don't like what they see when a mirror is held up to their face, figuratively speaking.  and now that i have the time to reflect on what happened, i guess the conversation was indeed a long time coming.  despite what i felt for her, how she treated me eventually took it's toll.  no, i'm not mad at her.  not at all.  i'm only frustrated at what she's doing to me.  she'll always have a special place in my heart in spite of it all.  i just told her what i felt, and i was being honest about it and i had no idea why she felt what she sent on her last message.

in closing, well, it's ironic that it doesn't feel close to closing this chapter of my personal life.  it just adds to the pile of unanswered questions and open chapters of my personal life that may remain open for the rest of my life, or be closed god knows when.  it's just sad that things went the way it did.  i guess there's really a reason for everything.  for those of you wondering, i'm not putting her in a bad light.  i'm just saying the truth and what really happened.  whether she knows that i'm talking about her in this blog or not, it doesn't really matter.  so to you, donna, whether you're reading this or not, i still wish you the best and i still think highly of you.  i hope things go well for you, and take care always.

finally, some time to write.  the last week and a half have been very, very busy to say the least.  my team was tasked to be the sponsor for our department's townhall meeting which was held earlier today with two sessions.  preparations were really stressful and took it's toll on my health with me fighting two weeks of colds and a recent rise in coughing incidents.  i feared the worst yesterday when the coughing was at it's peak because the last time i had that bad of a case was when i lost my voice.  and being the host of the townhall meeting, that is something to be very wary about.  good thing my throat held it's own and everything went smoothly.  i've been receiving kudos and congratulations all around for a successful townhall event.  the downside of it is, that i had to shoulder the expenses first before being reimbursed.  so with the onset of the weekend, i'm more than 5k short of my budget which will be credited back to my salary by next week… hopefully.  so definitely, i'll be stuck at home this weekend for the first time in weeks.  those of you kind enough, well, you can drop by my place.  just bring the booze, ok?  😀

but enough of that, since all of it is behind me.  there were also things that happened during the past week and a half that were… eventful.  since i'll be spending more time at home this weekend, i'll be writing the most recent one by tomorrow.  here's a hint:  be ready for a long read on my next entry.  i'm guessing tomorrow's entry will be one of the most emotional ones i'll ever put down on my blog.  now that the distraction that is the townhall is out of it's way, i'm starting to let that event sink into me further down.  for the meantime, i'll just take the rest of the day relaxing my mind and concentrate on writing tomorrow.  that should be a good emotional exercise.

i apologize for not being updated, but i'm back.  thanks for those who took time to send me messages asking how i am since i was away from the blogging world as of late.  i appreciate your concern(s) very much.  makes me realize that there are still people who are good to me.  i wish you success tenfold.  until tomorrow, enjoy the rest of the day!

his drink had just been brought by the waiter when his friend arrived.  "so, who do want me to be this time, the protagonist or the antagonist?"  the friend chuckingly asked upon settling to the chair in front.

"a little bit of both," came his reply.

"whoa, that's not good," his friend replied back.  "same old shit?"  the friend then asked.

he took a shot of his drink and played a bit with the glass with his thumb upon placing it on the table.  "yeah… so what else is new, right?  as you pointed out, 'same old shit,' different day," he sighed as he observed the ice on his glass slowly blend in with his drink.

"you see, that's what i don't get with women around you," the friend then bursted in, breaking the uneasy silence.  "i mean for god's sakes, they're staring at a surefire 'happily ever after' right in the face and they treat you like today's paper?  i mean, how dumb can they get?"

"easy there, you haven't had your drink yet and you're going ballistic already," he told the friend.  "i mean, i dunno… it's like… you know those professional basketball players, say in the nba, where there are dozens of very, very good players who take a run at chasing the championship.  some take different routes, different approaches, yet in the end, they come up empty handed, you know?  until such time that they get old, and they're still chasing it, and until they retire without winning one.  all their life–their careers–they're hell bent on getting one, just one, yet somehow, fate doesn't grant them any.  yet there are others who have two, three, four, even five…"  he then trailed off bowed his head down, then took another shot of his drink.

his friend, noticing that he's getting too serious, jokingly butted in, "sooo, you're comparing women to championship trophies?"  he let out a wry smile which slowly became a grin.  he then looked at his friend, and fired back, "i don't know what the hell i was thinking back there…"

as the laughter died down, he then told his friend, "hey, what do you want?" as he motioned the waiter to their table.  "i'm having what you're having," came the reply.  "another glass of mojito please, and add another one for my friend here."  "very well sir," the waiter acknowledged.  "this is your treat, right?"  the friend asked him.  "don't worry, i got you covered," was his reply.

"seriously, i know how you feel.  i know how it can be frustrating, especially for someone like you.  i know what you've been through, and i appreciate the trust you've given me, telling me everyrhing that's happened.  but sometimes, you know, you've got to hang in there.  keep the faith.  women are mysterious and surprising individuals.  believe me, i know.  just continue to be who you are and eventually, you'll get there," lectured his friend.

"i know.  i've always heard that," he replied.  "not just from you, but from others as well.  not that i don't appreciate what you're telling me, believe me, i do.  it's just that whenever i do find someone worth giving everything to, the same thing happens.  i get hurt, i heal, i start over.  it's a painful cycle, you know?"

"maybe you don't have to give your entire self, or not use all of your emotions or love to that person at first, but you know, just ease it up at first, then turn it up a notch as you go on," the friend suggested.

"but that's not me.  i'm not that way.  i'm an emotional person.  i don't know, that's how i was born, i guess.  and it doesn't feel right if i don't do it the way i do it," he lamented as the waiter arrived with their drinks.

taking a sip at the glass of mojito, his friend asked him, shifting in a slightly different direction, "hey, have you talked to this woman you told me about that you went to that disaster lunch with that you're going to stop seeing her?"

"nope, not yet.  i've asked her several times if we could talk, but she's either too busy, or avoiding that talk with me," he said.

"maybe she knows what you're going to say and doesn't want to hear any of it," the friend replied.

"maybe, but still, i have to tell her.  don't worry, she'll know." he replied back.

"speaking of talking, what's this i heard that a certain someone from your past started communicating with you again?  is this true?" his friend inquired.

"yeah, it is," he replied with a smile.  "it's surreal, you know?  i mean, she just came out of nowhere after about two years after ending a conversation on a bitter note.  i just couldn't believe that we're, well, 'talking' again." he continued.

"so what have you talked about so far?  did you have that talk about… you know, that 'talk?"" his friend prodded.

"no, not yet," he said as he took a sip of his drink.  "she just basically still remembered my mobile number and everything started from there.  i mean, i'm glad that we established ties again.  we used to be very, very close, remember?  maybe more than that.  but as far as what happened between us, i just told her that it's still an unclosed chapter in my life which may remain that way, or if fate would have it, would finally be talked about between us and close whatever needs to be closed."

"did she tell you about, well, maybe having that 'talk' at all anytime soon?"  the friend then asked.

"no, but i'm leaving it up to her.  if she wants to, then we'll talk.  although i did let her know that there are still some things i needed to know and answers to questions that i wanted to hear.  but i'm not forcing her to do anything.  as i've said, i left that chapter of my life in the backburner, although it's still an open issue, i've conditioned myself that that may be remained open forever, so as not to expect anything from her," he answered.

"well i hope she does have that talk with you, for both your sakes," his friend told him.  "by the way, how's this other woman you talked to me about?  has she made her presence felt after you two went out a couple of weeks ago?"

"nope, unfortunately not.  but you know her, she only remembers me when she misses me.  unlike me, i think about her all the time," he answered.

"you know what, you should drop her like a hot potato.  it's obvious that she's using you to fill her missing emotional needs because she knows how you feel about her.  she's treating you like a spare tire.  and you're not one.  you're in for the long haul.  she's not.  forget about her,"  the friend insisted.

he let out a deep sigh, took another sip of his drink and replied, "whatever… maybe… i dunno… let's just see what happens when she does holler."

"you know what," his friend started, "i have this frien
d once who told me, 'i can tell you what you need to hear, when you need to hear, or what you want to hear, but eventually, you're going to have to make that decision yourself.'"

he nodded at what his friend said.  "i know.  hey, thanks for listening.  i owe you one."

"no you don't.  you already paid for my drink, that's enough," his friend said, laughing.  "nah, you can always count on me.  i'll always be here," the friend continued.

he raised his glass and offered a toast.  "here's to you, my friend."

his friend met the toast and refuted, "no, to you, my friend.  here's to you hoping that you find that someone you've long been waiting for and finally making you happy."

"amen, my friend," and both of them burst into laughter.  "hey, i'm eyeing someone new, have i told you that?"  he said.

his friend was a bit surprised, sarcastically replied, "here we go again…"

still riding high on the transformers release on the big screen, here are a couple of movies to be released within the year that are worth watching for (at least for me… hehehehe):

resident evil:  extinction – the final installment in the resident evil series (the initial plan was to have a fourth movie, but plans for that have been scrapped, thus this being the final chapter of the series).  all the characters–except for the little girl in part two–are set to return with new characters to be introduced.  most notable of them is ali larter playing the role of claire redfield, who appeared in the RE:2 game.  the film is scheduled to be released in mid-august.

 black sheep – more movies about zombies, but this one's a little different.  instead of human zombies, they're in the form of–well, you guessed it–sheep (baaaa).  i was laughing a bit when i saw the trailer for this one since sheep acting as zombies are quite funny.  but it's no comedy, believe me.  a good ol' hack-en-slash film which was released in the US early last month, and may make it's way here by late july or mid-august at the earliest.

national treasure:  book of secrets – the sequel to the highly successful 2004 treasure hunt film starring nicolas cage, justin bertha, and diane kruger.  this one will be released in the US sometime in late december, and if it's not a worldwide synchronized release, could end up here by january or early february of next year.

rush hour 3 – another sequel to a highly successful movie franchise.  august 10, 2007 is the target release date on american shores and for sure, this comic duo will have theaters bursting with laughter.

there are many more good movies to be shown in the latter part of the year.  it's just the middle of the summer in the US and the summer movie season isn't over yet.  some of you might wonder why i didn't include harry potter.  well, for the simple reason that i don't like harry potter.  for me, it's still a childish movie not worth watching.  even if harry is all grown up, or even if i'll be paid half a million pesos to watch the movie.  i just don't get the fascination over this series.  a boy magician.  so what?  he goes to school for magicians.  like i care.  kid's play to me.  i don't care if it's a phenomenal success worldwide.  it stil sucks.  at least there are other good movies out there.  but by far, transformers is still the movie of the year for me.  😀