i decided to change my template anew.  i just grew tired of the previous one, however i didn't think it'll be that quick.  i thought that if i'd want to get out of the numbness spell i wrote previously, might as well start by changing my blog's look completely… well, the template that is.  this new one was supposed to have a darker layout, but with the limited images that came with it, it's kinda hard to customize according to how i'd like it to look, hence finally settling for what you see now.

(paging i.ph folks… suggestion of more images for dfire, contaminated and dipdolt templates)

i'm currently in a state of emotional paradox.  to be honest, i don't know if that's even the right term to use describing how i have been feeling the past couple of weeks.  the feeling where i would normally be what i feel to be at that particular moment (i.e., sad, happy, angry, excited, scared), all suddenly being channeled to one central feeling:  numbness.  i don't know if it has something to do with the vast amount of work i've been doing lately, but if it was, it can be easily attributed to stress.  but it isn't.  i have done several other things outside of work and some personal events came across my way and it all felt the same.  it's like being on auto-pilot, where everything lately has been routine (even weekends) and i don't feel anything.  i just go about my day and that's it.  though of course, i still continue to interact normally with the people around me.  i guess that's the part where being a gemini comes into play (thankfully).  i could easily use one part of me to hide the other.  unfortunately, i still have to take time to get a grip into things or events that would normally elicit an emotional feeling at that exact moment over a period of time.  but, more often than not, it still leads to numbness even after coming to terms with those, primarily maybe due to the time i spent pondering about them that they have already lost it's sense to me.

i guess that's mainly what's been keeping me off from writing.  it's like my emotional system suddenly shut down.  proof of this is that i recently have escalating feelings for someone new, an old friend coming home, a four-day weekend at the end of the month, and my mom just got her visa renewed for 10 years.  all of which should make me excited and happy, right?  but i don't feel anything out of the ordinary.  yes, i like this new woman, but it doesn't make me do something more for her; a friend who i haven't seen in years and looking forward to talking to again doesn't lift my spirits up; and the four-day weekend is just another extended weekend.  the only thing that i think (hope) that would change things is when september arrives which marks the start of the christmas season here in the philippines.  in a way, i think my emotional system needs to shut down and reboot.  it has taken all that it could take and could use a fresh, new start.  vacation?  i guess that could help, but i'd rather have this run it's course than force the issue.

i know what i just wrote doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's exactly the point why i haven't been writing as of late.  it's either i temporarily lost my passion for writing, or i just stopped writing due to myself not making a lot of sense stemming from what i have been feeling… or maybe both.  i dunno… oh well, i just hope i get my wits back… soon…

this is an overdue reply to a tag from jabi, so here goes:

results-wise, well, it's close to accurate, though i think on the "personality type," i'm more on the feeling side rather than thinking.  the "multiple intelligences" part has a very accurate description of who and what i am.  for this post, i'm tagging cher, erlyn, liezl, and trina.

i'll write about something… soon.  just have to finish up some more work-related stuff and clear the cobwebs off my disillusioned mind…

just want to take time out from my busy schedule and say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM!!  😀

we may not see each other eye to eye all the time, but you're still my mom and i love you!  wish you all the best!!  😀

another slew of work-related stuff just got thrown my way…  well, slightly more than what my colleagues have on their plate.  aside from the mid-year appraisals for my team that i'll be working on (this means my brain will be squeezed dry of words and sentences for write-ups, AFIs, and recommendations), more administrative duties were assigned to me.  not to mention my inclusion in the department's basketball team for the company sportsfest which will eat up some of my weekends as well.  which means i'll be out of the loop and the blogging world for a couple of weeks… again.  it's a good thing though i'll be having two consecutive three-day weekends next week and a four-day weekend at the end of august or i'll be losing my mind… literally.  hopefully i'll be able to squeeze in my re-rescheduled personal commitments during those days, so it's still not a complete vacation in the way that i want it to be.  i guess this is what i get for being "dependable and efficient…"  or so i was told.

i'd like to take this space to give due credit and congratulations to our department's cheer dancers for winning the cheering competition this past saturday during the opening ceremonies of the company sportsfest.  i failed to recognize and include them on the slideshow during the department's townhall presentation two weeks prior and since then, i've had nothing but snippets of angst from them and a promise of a mouthful after making a vow to go all out and win the competition, which they did.  yes, it's my fault, i apologize and i accept full responsibility for overlooking you people during the townhall.  i hope this particular gesture makes it up for your tireless efforts in practice and your unwavering desire to be the best among the other departments.  congratulations and good job!  cheers!  😀