Let me start by saying this:

I love you.

I know that it’s not a surprise to you.  You have known for a long time about the feelings I have for you.  Yet you only stood by and watched how I showed that to you time and again without doing anything.  It meant sacrifices of all kinds just to make sure you’re taken care of and happy.  It meant putting up with you, your personality, your mannerisms and whims just to see that smile of yours.  It meant understanding how you think, act, and adjusting to your imperfections so you can have your way.  I showed you not just my best, but my worst as well.  I wanted you to see who I am entirely; not just the smooth parts.  And I saw your dark sides as well.  But despite that, my feelings never wavered.  In spite of the frustrations I had with you, I came to accept those and wanted you even more.  We all have quirks and flaws.  You have yours and I have mine.  But the things we accomplished together was the fuel that fired the unquenchable hope I have of what we could be–what we could have been.  Together.

We had our own relationships with different people; but somehow, I believed fate–and probably the universe conspiring–brought us back in sight of each other to give us that elusive chance of making magic.  I was enormously happy with the relationship I had that time and was, for my part, hell bent on making it last, and you were too with your own; but it somehow seemed that a greater power wanted us to be thrown back into the mix.  When we started regularly going out again, I was ready to pick up where we (or I) seemingly left off as far as how I am to you.  I gamely re-took the task head on to prove myself again to you despite what otherwise my friends were telling me because of our one-sided history.  I sincerely believed we were given another opportunity, and I for my part, was not willing to pass that by despite my own reservations.  But what drove me more was you telling me that we can have a do over and start again.  And so I did.  I made you see who I am entirely because “only the best foot forward” is not the way to go. I showed you the man who is willing to do anything and everything to take care of you; the man who became paranoid at the slightest thought of dishonesty from you since you yourself said to me once that you don’t like being lied to; the man who misses you the moment we part ways, anxiously waiting for the next time when we’ll see each other again; the man who gets disappointed when plans are canceled at the last minute; the man who thinks of you from the moment I wake up and having you in my thoughts before I fall asleep; the man who gets jealous when you go out with other guys, even though I don’t have the right to; and the man who tells you how terribly I miss you, how deeply I love you, and how I want to spend my entire life moving forward to waking up next to you each and every morning until the day I die.

But for you, all of that still wasn’t enough.  Despite the chances we have been given, the wonderful and memorable things we experienced and did together, you still went another route.  I gave and gave and gave everything. There was nothing more I could have possibly done. I accepted you, your past, and your imperfections.  You kept things from me.  I believe you have deep dark secrets that you don’t allow anyone to know about.  Even when it hurt my heart so bad, I stood there loving you through it all.  You continued to push me away from your heart while you seemingly had your way with me; and in the process, you got what you emotionally wanted from someone else and decided to just spring the surprise on me, expecting to be all supportive about it.  Now here I am, seemingly left with another black-hole sized abyss with an infinite amount of weight crushing down inside of me wondering this whole time what the hell did I do wrong now.  Yes, I am frustrated.  Yes, I am angry.  Mainly because of the fact that you never gave us a chance despite what you agreed to before if our own relationships with our respective ex’s did not work out.  And yet you were able to give that same chance to someone who also seemingly made you the same promises I did years and years ago.  You never exerted an effort to get to know me deeper amidst the frustrations and disappointments we’ve had. You never tried to build on all the good things we have done together and how potentially bright the future would be for us. You settled for whatever you can take from me while never realizing my worth and value to you after I gave you everything. Everything.  Yes, I am tearfully distraught.  I believe I have every right to be.  I am human too, after all.  And there will always be a lingering thought in me that I can do better in making you happy than who you chose to be with.

But let me continue by saying this:

I still love you.

Like I said, nothing changes in how I feel for you.  And it won’t.  Not ever. Why?  Because you are my greatest love.  The greatest love I never had.  The greatest love only my imagination can ever have.  No other woman can ever set the bar higher than you.  No one else can ever make me feel like the way I have for you.  You are my Kryptonite as well as my oxygen.  You are my reason to get up each morning, and my anxiety in coming up with ways to make you happy.  Almost every little thing reminds me of you, and what we have done together.  I could never see myself doing everything I did for you for someone else anymore.  Because for me, I know that you are the one.

You are the woman who is the last piece of the puzzle in making my life complete.  You are the essence of celebrating special occasions with, and milestones and achievements with.  You are worth going through painful and trying moments with that would make us grow.  You are worth living life for, and spending time with as we age.  You are worth every exciting opportunity we can still have, and the comfort in consoling every defeat we encounter. You are worth the wife to me, and the mother of our would-be children and grandchildren.  You are the ray of sunshine that warms my mornings, and the rain that gives chills on certain days.  Every cell and molecule in my body screams and yearns for you and you alone.  You have never been more humanly beautiful to me inside and out; and I will never, ever fall out of love with you.  Even through the sleepless nights and the times I felt so alone, I would have loved you all my life.  And while I am not thrilled to see you come to terms with him, it’s your happiness that counts.  Always have, always will.  And you are worth the immense pain I am going through right now.  I couldn’t have imagined going through everything we’ve done together with someone else.  I couldn’t have thought of any other woman who’s worthy of what I have given and sacrificed for.  I couldn’t imagine treating someone else as a princess and hopeful eventual queen other than you.  You are my world, my galaxy, my universe, and my life. You are my wildest imagination, my ultimate fantasy, my intangible reality, my glittering diamond, my lively tune, and my somber ode. You are my Monday adrenalin, my Sunday rest, my soothing breeze, and my warm blanket at night. You are my forever hope for a chance at a happily married life, my only kept promise of an eternal love, my calming peace, and my resolute and absolute happiness.

And as insanely stupid as it sounds, if there is someone who is worthy of shattering my already broken and mangled heart into a million more pieces, that would be you.

So with that, let me end by saying this:

I love you.  And I always will; no matter what happens.