He gazed his teary eyes into hers as he finally admitted his long-standing feelings.  He never imagined when or how he would eventually tell her that fact, but here it is.  All that previously mattered to him was that he showed her what she meant to him; and how he would treat her if given the chance.  But his respect for her on-and-off relationship with her boyfriend kept him from telling her everything.  He did not want to be the one who “stole” her away despite the numerous opportunities that presented itself; he wanted to earn her love.

“I didn’t want to lose whatever we had, despite my condition,” he managed to continue as he slowly held her arms.  “For sure, things would’ve been different if…  if I told you.  And besides, you’re with him.  You love him.  Despite the arguments, the fights you two had, I can see that you still do love him.  And I wouldn’t want to jeopardize that.  Most people wouldn’t understand why, but I get it.  I know how you feel.  For my part, I just wanted to constantly see you smile, and I’d do anything, everything to make sure that you do.”  She was still reeling at the thought of him having feelings for her.  It did cross her mind on some occasions, but with him knowing all too well of her current relationship, she wouldn’t–didn’t–take it as something serious.

“Does anyone else here know about…  you know, what you feel?”  she finally asked him.

“I suppose so,” he replied.  “Some people have been telling me how obvious I am when it comes to you; and honestly, they actually thought you knew too but just didn’t pay any attention to it.”

“But still, why didn’t you tell me about your condition?” she then asked as she tried to piece two and two together.

“It’s just like what I said with everyone earlier.  I didn’t want to be treated or looked at differently,” he answered.  “Believe me, I wanted you to be the first one outside of my family to know.  But tell me, if I did tell you, would you have looked at me, or treated me any different?”

“God, of course!  This is your life we’re talking about!”

“See, that’s what I don’t want.  Sure, I would’ve gotten more attention from you–which would’ve been great and all–but it won’t be quite real because both of us know for a fact that one day soon, it’ll all be over because I’ll be…  gone.  I’d rather have the real you, not the one who would increasingly care for me just because my days are numbered.”  He was pacing around, trying to make her understand his point of view about the kind of relationship with her he preferred, not wanted.

He sat on the table so his eyes were at level with hers while she stood as he looked at her intently.  “All that matters to me right now is you,” he continued.  “I know you don’t feel the same way, and I understand that.  But I want to spend whatever time I have left to make you feel happy whenever you’re not; to be there for you whenever you’re alone; to listen to you when no one else does; to hug you whenever you feel down; and to love you from afar…  just like before.”

He was barely able to finish what he was saying when he felt a sharp pain on his side.  He winced in pain as his hand grabbed his ribs in a reflex to what he felt.  “What’s wrong?  Are you okay?” she asked as she tried to frantically understand what was going on.  “I…  don’t know…”  was all he could muster to answer as the pain’s intensity slowly rose.  He struggled to stand up as she tried to place his free arm on her shoulder.

“No…  don’t bother,” he said, stuttering, realizing what she was doing.  “I’ll be… okay.”

Then without warning, he collapsed to the floor and was unconscious.

to be continued…