Everyone’s gaze was glued on him as he narrated how the disease got a grip on him.  How he continued to work despite going through a battery of tests and treatments sowed amazement from a few in the room.  Yet, as much as he tried to keep himself focused on the task at hand by day, it was a totally different story once he gets off.  He begged off after-office nightcaps, usually inventing some reason in order to make his medical appointments which were subtlety arranged.  Until slowly, unconsciously, his concentration began to be compromised and that’s when he started contemplating on his mortality.  He would appear distant when people talk to him, and would sometimes have very short attention spans.  His body initially responded to the treatment, but the disease seemed to get more and more of a foothold as his finances–not just his overall health–were also taking its toll.

Closing his tale, he told everyone, “I know I still have a couple of weeks here before I finally leave, and I would greatly appreciate it if no special treatment would be given to me.  Just because my life is coming to an end, I wouldn’t want to be treated differently; it would just remind me more of where I’m going.”  A few chuckles broke out after that as he tried to make light of the thick tension that engulfed the room.  “I have already made my peace some time ago that this will be my fate.  And as much as I fought to try and continue to prolong my journey, I just decided to embrace whatever I have and really just live out what time I have left.”  He again slowly scanned the room from left to right, looking at everyone’s eyes before abruptly thanking everyone for their time in staying and declared that the meeting is over.  Some were still in shock as the room slowly emptied, while others went to him and offered either a hug or a handshake.  He gladly obliged, and not long after, a short line was in place of colleagues offering well-wishes, support, and prayers.

As the door to the room finally closed when the last person left, he turned to go back to his chair when he saw her standing behind it with eyes that spell of complete disbelief.  He managed a dry grin as he went on fixing the things on his table.  “All this time, and you didn’t tell me?!  What were you thinking?!”  Her voice started to break as she fidgeted, trying to make sense of what just happened and how she wasn’t able to know despite being “close” to him during these past few months.  “How can you be so selfish?  How can you be so goddamn selfish?!”

“I’m selfish?  I’m selfish?!”  He finally managed to retort back.  “What do you think I’ve been doing for the last couple of months?  Tell me, every time we talked; every time we went out, the things I did, they were all because of you, right?  Whenever you’re down, when you came in sick at work, whenever you needed someone to help you out, whenever you had no one to be with you during lunches or dinners, or going through your shopping just to make you feel better after a bad day at work, who do you turn to?  Me, right?  When you and your boyfriend had those fights, who do you go to and help make you feel better?  Who made the sacrifice play when he suddenly shows up whenever we already had made plans, or worse, when you make plans with me and then cancel at the last minute just so you can do whatever the hell you want?  Who?!”

A tear fell from his eye as he ended his tirade.  She started to sob.  “But I thought we were friends; buddies who tell each other everything; I thought you’re my friend,” she started to reply back.

“A friend?  God, I knew you wouldn’t understand,” he said as he cut her off, placing his hands on the table, shook and bowed his head.  “I knew it.  You wouldn’t, despite everything.”

“Understand what?  That someone who I considered my friend keeps something very important from me, while I pour my heart and soul about my life?  Tell me, what don’t I fucking understand?!”  She grabbed his arms and tried to raise his face to look at him as she emphatically voiced her question.

“That I am madly in love with you, okay?!”

…to be continued.