I felt the urge to write today, as well as realizing that I haven’t made a new entry in ages so here goes:

“The heart is like a vase.  You entrust it to someone you love, hoping that he or she won’t drop it.  When that happens, it shatters to pieces.  You try to piece it back together once, and it may still serve it’s purpose.  But if it keeps on getting dropped, it will shatter into tiny little pieces that you won’t ever put it back together again; yet if you do, it’s purpose is lost.”

It’s ironic that this particular saying I came up with years ago suddenly popped in my head as I was having breakfast this morning.  Ironic in the sense that, obviously it’s valentine week.  And for the 17th consecutive time, I’ll be spending that occasion as I have always done:  alone.

But I’m not about to dwell on that.  I think I’ve done that many times on my past entries.  What I want to wrap my mind around is something I suppose everyone (almost) is familiar with.  Something that has been the subject of movies, soap operas, poems, songs, and even art.  Something that I have “given” on multiple occasions which always leaves me asking myself if it was worth it (which I always answer with a yes).  It’s a little thing called:  unrequited love.

I have always believed that if you fall in love with someone, you should give your whole heart to that person because there’s no point in saying, “I love you with all my heart” if you ain’t backing it up.  But does that bode the same for loving someone who you know doesn’t love you back, or is incapable of doing so?  One would immediately say no (i could hear the phrase, “you’re insane!” already being shouted at me), but emotional persons–and hopeless romantics like myself–who can relate to what I’m saying would say otherwise.  You never choose someone you fall in love with, it just happens over time.  Friendship does play a part, but whoever told you that in time, you will end up head over heels for this person you met last week, last month, or even last year?  And yet because of things beyond your control, whatever feelings you have will never, ever be reciprocated back to you.  Others would say “you know the situation, yet you let yourself continue to fall for the person; so you got yourself into this mess.”  True enough, but tell me, is one really ready and willing to just give up and walk away from a close, personal friendship because of deeper feelings being felt?  Is it about choosing the “lesser hurt,” so to speak?  Is one being selfish by doing just that?  Then, of course there’s coming clean to that person about what you feel.  Now, being honest is one thing; but losing a valued friendship (some of which took years to develop) because you “fell in love which is crossing the friendship line” is another which most people I think are not ready for.  Pondering on all of these (yes, I’ve experienced all of them) makes me think that I’ve fallen in love over and over again with the wrong women.  Or in some cases, it’s the cliché’d right-love-at-the-wrong-time situation.

It has been said that being in love or falling in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world.  It has also been said that love is a double-edged sword.  The latter may hold true to the unrequited kind.  Being someone who has been in that situation more than twice, you think that I’d repeatedly learn my lesson.  Yes, I did.  And yes, I am quite cautious about it too.  But when a situation arises that would require me to give the love and attention that a woman deserves the way I know how, even if it ends up leaving me empty-handed again, I think wouldn’t second-guess it.  That’s how I am.  I suppose that’s the mystery of love–unrequited or not.  I just have to continue to give my entire self until someone finally comes to do the same for me.