you may very well call this entry the sequel to the previous one.  just when things could go normally, those two women would pop up on the same day.  well, it’s not all that bad.  it’s just that i wished the other one came first.  in that way, i’ll end the day feeling better instead of having to carry this negative feeling before i go to sleep tonight.  yup, you guessed it, the conversations were polar opposites of each other.  though i may dwell on the latter too much, i’ll be doing so just to unload my frustrations at what happened.

anyhow, the first sms conversation came right about after lunch time.  i actually never thought donna would be texting me this soon after the friendster message exchange.  it started as a “sup?” message from her that led to conversations about her work and how she wanted to resign and take a break and have a small buy and sell business.  i touched briefly on her husband, as i told her that she can resign if she wants to because hubby can do the providing for both of them.  surprisingly, she didn’t elaborate any further just asked about how my family was doing.  she also mentioned how she missed my family and how she felt welcome everytime she came to visit my place (which was only twice).  in turn, i gave some advice about thinking thoroughly before she resigns from work.  in total, the conversation lasted for about a good 30 minutes because she had to get some sleep in preparation for her work tonight.  i again ended the conversation without any expectations, even though she told me, “text you later.”  i realized how an idiot i was before in wasting my time waiting for her to send me a message.  but to be honest, it felt good to hear from her again.

okay, on to the second one.  the HR girl, candee.  the exchange of messages started at around 5:30 in the afternoon.  i was thinking of not replying to her message again, just like i did in her three or four previous messages.  but i thought, well, if there will be some things that i need to tell her that i didn’t had the chance to do before, this would probably be that chance.  before, i used to save the messages so that i could give an exact running account of what was said.  i forgot to do that today because i didn’t expect that it would turn out this way.  so, using the messages on my “sent” folder, i’ll try to recreate the entire conversation.  for first time readers, i’m afraid you have to go and back read so that you can understand the history between us.  well, here goes:

candee:  you busy?

me:  why?

candee:  was hoping we could meet up in makati today.

me:  why?

candee:  nothing.

me:  nothing?  why, can’t your other “friends” go and meet you after you sent them a message that’s why you ended up texting me?

candee:  haha.  how are you?

me:  why, it’s true, isn’t it?  i’m always your last priority.  i was never high on your list.  but even so, i regarded and treated you more than how i did for my friends.

me (separate message):  i’ll never forget the last thing you asked of me.  you had the nerve to ask me to have your friend get accepted at our company otherwise you would forget me?  wow…

candee:  sorry… you still mad at me?

me:  and you text me like nothing ever happened?  and you know what, good thing there was someone who talked to me and admitted that you and this person were “special friends” during the time i was trying to ask you out and you claimed that you were single.  i guess that person was more honest to me than you were.  i don’t know what i did to you for me to deserve that dishonesty from you.  (take note, in that scenario, it wasn’t the real person who confronted me.  it was a concerned friend.  i was just trying to fish for some answers or whether she’ll admit it or not.)

candee:  i am single, up until now.  if that’s what you want to believe, i can’t do anything.  i never had a special friend except (name withheld for privacy reasons) from (department withheld for security reasons).  if that’s what you chose to believe in, it’s ok.  i’m sorry if you got hurt, or if i offended you in any way.

(finally, she admits it!)

me:  but you never told me about him.  had i known you were seeing him or that you two were “special friends,” i could’ve just walked away.  compared to him, i know i’m not like him. (this guy was tall and drop dead handsome)

candee:  what?  the time you were asking me out, we were not an item anymore.  it was messy.  i know i told you about that situation, but i didn’t give out his name.

me:  but the truth is, you were never even proud for having me even as a friend.  i don’t think you even did something the least bit special even if you saw me as just a mere friend.  and yet you know very damn well that i was head over heels for you, and admit it or not, you used that just to get the things you want from me.  free lunch, coffee, etc.

candee:  for saying that, you’re so thick-skinned (i can’t think of the exact way to translate it from the vernacular).  that’s all.  thanks, a**hole.

candee (separate message):  free coffee and lunch?  i can buy those, why, are they expensive for you?  i’ll pay you back.

i didn’t reply back anymore.  i should know better, the truth has finally hit her, and she just hit back blindly.  the last message just came a few minutes ago.  just then, i received from her all the messages i sent her, meaning exactly all the messages that were in my sent folder were sent back to me.  i suppose she was sending it to her friend(s) telling her what happened, i don’t know.  but, i don’t care and it doesn’t matter.  if history will be used, it’ll show that she was indeed guilty and i suppose the messages i sent her had it coming.  so, in closing, i’ll be posting my message–hopefully my final one–to her.  oh, and don’t get me wrong, anyone can read it.  because IT’S MY BLOG AND I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT.

to candee:  yes, this is for you.  if you happen to chance upon this blog, then let me say this to you:  thank you.  yes, thank you.  for one, thank you for showing me your dishonesty.  for all those times you told me stories about you and your failed relationships while having one at the same time.  thank you for your honesty in admitting to me finally just now that you and your “special friend” are no longer an item while we were going out.  because let me add that it wasn’t him to confided everything to me, it was a dear concerned friend.  and based on that person’s track record, i would believe that person over what you’re claiming.  also, thank you for trust and confidence in me.  you were so confident in me that you did not want us to be seen in public when i would ask you out.  yet you don’t even want to be seen talking to me in front of my colleagues, or to my friends.  you trusted me by having me to wait for hours and hours until such time that lunch will be taken at three in the afternoon.  and most of all, thank you for being so dependable.  y
ou were so dependable that you would make excuses just so you won’t have to be seen when i would ask you to drop by my station.  remember the chocolates i “gave” you when i got back from the states?  i asked you to come over to my station so that i could give them to you personally, and yet you made excuses that you were busy and that i should be the one to bring them to you instead.  but i learned that you weren’t busy and you just didn’t want to be seen receiving something from me.  thank you.  thank you for being who and what you are.  without you, i wouldn’t be realizing what a big, f**king waste of time i’ve had in falling for you.  and lastly, thank you for doing all those special things for me.  they’re so special that i can’t remember what those are.  because they’re nothing.  because of you, i’m now a wiser, better person.  but i guess you’ve made many men more wiser and better persons after getting to know you.  i guess i should’ve just stuck to my gut feeling in the first place after meeting you.  what is that you ask?  well, to give you a hint, it’s one of the words i used to describe you in my previous entries.  i should’ve just thought about that and nothing else.  that way, i would’ve ended up a happier man, if you know what i mean.  but that’s ok.  so, thank you.  i couldn’t be more grateful to you.

there.  that felt a lot, lot better.  it’s mean, you say?  yes, i’ll admit.  at least i’m honest enough to handle the truth.  question is, does she?  anyway, tomorrow’s a brand new day.  and that’s one thorn off my back.

seriously, i really hope she gets to read this.