it’s now halfway through the first month of 2008 and to bring everyone up to speed as to what’s going on lately with me (since all i have been posting are my stories from my vacation), to put it nicely, let’s just say that things could be better since i couldn’t imagine it being much worse.  i guess the worst part has come and gone, but damages have been done.  damages so irrepairable–if not too difficult to mend–that it just instantly sucked the drive to go to work out of me.  how did this all happen, you may ask?  well, read on…

it all started even before my vacation.  the ghosts of office politics from a year ago are threatening to haunt me once more, and this time, i ain’t gonna be scared.  but, keeping a level head as i have always done, i decided to use the vacation as time for me to think of what to do and to come up with decisions i have to make upon returning.  i assessed myself as soon as i stepped into the office after my vacation, and it was all starting to make sense to me.  i decided to utilize my remaining five (5) leave credits as paid absences on december 23, 24, 29, 30 and 31.  i know what the ramifications will be and i was prepared to accept that.  so i talked to my line manager (operations manager) about it upon his arrival from his own vacation in an hour-and-a-half long session which included other issues i have raised before that are going unresolved, which was also starting to affect how i work.  i got a little emotional, explaining that i’d rather choose spending the holidays with my brother and sister rather than be at the office since my parents are both in the US and that it’ll be more meaningful for our family.  my line manager listened intently including the consequences i’ll be facing for those absences and gave the reply, "if i were in your situation, i would do the same thing."  i don’t know what to make of that reply, whether it was a statement of support, or that there’s nothing that can be done to approve my leave request.  but what i did clearly understand though, was that he was acknowledging my decision to be out on those dates.  we ended the session with that understanding.  since none of the MOs were approving leaves from the 20th to the fourth of january, absences were my only option.  at least they were paid.  even though it was a planned absence, i still went through the normal procedure of endorsing my team to one of my colleagues on the dates that i’ll be out.  they gracefully obliged, understanding the decision i have made.  i’m still thankful to them and have long respected them for supporting my decision.

the holidays came and went.  it was one of the most memorable holidays ever.  i never regretted the decision i made.  in between those holidays, on the 26th, i came to work since i still have shift on that day.  i was then issued a document asking me to explain my absences on the 23rd and the 24th since my absences exceeded the allowable occurrences (the 24th was a blackout date, so it was tagged as double occurrence).  i had no problem with it, since i knew beforehand that i’ll be issued such.  the swerve came on january 8th.  i was called by another one of our line managers since my direct MO was already out for the day, and handed me another document, saying he needed to issue it on my direct line manager’s behalf.  i thought that it was the one asking me to explain my absences on the 29th, 30th, and 31st, but what i saw completely blew me off.  it was a document citing me for negligence for being absent on the 23rd, 24th, 29th, 30th, and 31st.  there were specifics stated stemming from my alleged negligence, from leaving my team unmanaged, to not meeting the staffing requirement for people in our position, to not being able to provide support on the floor, and to not being able to talk to my team and solicit overtime.  it was also indicated on the document that i "showed insubordination to my line manager" because i insisted on being absent even though my request for vacation leave was not approved by my line manager, that i had no reason to be absent since i was not sick, and that i also did not directly inform him on the days that i was absent, therefore resulting in my line manager’s loss of confidence in my abilities.  and the recommendation designated for committing such a violation?  termination from employment.

reading the document made me sick to my stomach.  i was backstabbed, bitch-slapped, betrayed, and torn to shreds.  i had 48 hours to respond with my reasons why i should be spared.  and respond i did.  i detailed the session i had with my line manager and used the quote he told me after i explained the decision i made to be absent.  i attached the forms that my colleagues signed to signify that they will be looking after my team during my absence, thus settling the matter of my team "was left unmanaged."  i explained everything, and i mean everything.  how can i commit insubordination when i advised my line manager of my absence weeks before?  he directly knew i was going to be out on those dates, so i need not inform him again on the days themselves.  he did not talk to me after that session we had about the possibility of me canceling my plans of being absent.  and yet this was laid on me?!  i submitted my reply this past thursday before i go on my rest days and i plotted for VL this past saturday and sunday to attend to family matters and also have time to think of my next move.  i really was contemplating on leaving the company because of the way i was treated regarding this incident.  as i came into work today, i had the mindset that i will be given the feedback on my submitted reply and will know the decision, and either i will finish the day still as an employee or be sent home.  i have also prepared and signed my resignation letter, ready for submission as well, should they (upper management) decide to push through with the termination of employment.  up until now, i still don’t have any feedback.  i won’t be forcing them to do so, i’ll just take my time and try to do my work.  i’ll cross the penultimate bridge when the time comes.

i honestly feel in limbo right now being here at work.  i literally had to drag my ass out to the office.  but again, as i’ve said, i’m just waiting for the decision.  i’m way past pissed off.  if i have the chance to leave work now, or if they provide me that chance, i won’t hesitate.  with my experience, and with some companies already given me a call and had a phone interview over the last week, it won’t be that hard to find a replacement job.  i had my resumé updated weeks ago, and i’m actively checking for new job openings online.  i also have sought the help of my sister, who is working for a head hunter company and she promised to help me out the best she can.  i haven’t talked to my line manager directly about that document since i might not know how to respond to him after seeing how he (mis)treated me.  but still, i did not regret making that decision.  all the more, it showed how warped up management is.  it’s not just me who feels the same way.  three other colleagues of mine with the same positions i have, already left the company due to management issues last week.  and they are not the last to do so.

i know it’s sad, but that’s how things have been lately.  it’s a good thing that i’m able to leave all the work stuff behind me as i go through the doors and not bring it home.
  well, not entirely.  i can still have fun while putting all those stuff at the back of my mind because i did everything i did.  now i know how an unsuspecting uppercut feels like.  charge to experience… again.  looking at the bright side of things–and i don’t know how i feel that could be possible, but i am–it’ll be my sister’s birthday tomorrow, and we’ll be dining out on friday to celebrate.  now that’s something to look forward to.