i left her house with a heavy heart. but as i told myself, it has been done. whatever comes out of it, so be it. at least i can tell myself that i had no regrets in giving her all the attenion and love i can give. i didn’t expect her to call or text me. i left all my frustrations, happiness, feelings of love on the things i bought for her. having the chance to talk to her was the one thing i wanted for my birthday, but fate thought otherwise. i thought of going to Tagaytay to find some sort of closure since she promised me that we’ll be going back there. but having only a few hours of sleep the previous night made me realize that i might get sleepy on a long drive so i went home.

the rest of the day went fine. greetings came in via my cellphone or friends calling me up. that night, while watching TV, donna called me up. she thanked me for everything i gave her that day. i told her that i forgot the incense oil bottles and i’ll give it to her some other time. her voice didn’t show any hint of happiness over the things she received. but the one that really hit me hard the most was when she told me that she threw away the letter without even reading it. i asked her if she really did that, she said yes. her cousin was a witness to that, even asking her why she didn’t even open and read it. i asked her why, and she replied that she didn’t want to read what’s inside. she didn’t want to know the things i wanted to say. a stunned silence from me soon followed. i wanted to ask her again, but afraid of her getting irked again after she already mentioned her answer, i stopped at my tracks. i told her that there are so many things i wanted to say to her that day that was on the letter, and she interrupted me saying, “i don’t want to hear it.” a few seconds after, she said that she had to take a shower and retire for the night since she left early that morning. i still invited her to my celebration on saturday, again, her usual response was, “i’m not sure.” she greeted me again and we said our good-byes…maybe for the last time. i was really hurt that she didn’t read the letter, but at the same time, i was already numb at what has happened over the last few weeks with her. i sat there afterwards, with the realization that i found the answer i was looking for.

i’m quite ok now, two days after that fateful tuesday. i’m preparing for my celebration this saturday, and again, i’m not expecting donna to show up, but it would make my birthday celebration complete if she was there. whether being there because she promised to, or she really wanted to. i could finally say that i didn’t have any regrets, that i went the full route in telling her how i feel without going through the “what if” phase. that all my actions were and are for her because i love her. for those of you reading this, please don’t hate her for what she did to me. i don’t. maybe she has her reasons for doing so. whether i may find out what those reasons are or not, it’s not up to me anymore. i’m just letting karma take it’s course. this saturday’s celebration would may be the last time i could feel anywhere near the vicinity of being happy. this saturday is not for me, but for the people who meant so much to me during the past year. *sigh* well, at least it was a birthday worth remembering.