tuesday was the day. may 24th. my 29th birthday. where things couldn’t possibly go wrong, where luck was supposed to be on my side, where a birthday should be preceded with the word, “happy.” i put my project into play days before. one by one, i purchased the things necessary to make my final stand. “after this,” i thought to myself, “i gotta move forward. whatever happens, the buck stops here.” friday morning i went to the flower store to inquire about flower arrangements. sunday morning i purchased blank cd’s and the incense oil. monday morning, where my vacation leave started, i got the box of chocolates and the stuffed toy. monday afternoon i called the flower store confirming my order. and i worked on the letter and the cd’s that night. i went to sleep around 2am tuesday with the hope that things would turn out ok at the least.

upon reaching home after hearing birthday mass, i gathered everything in a hurry with the thought that donna might leave her house and i wouldn’t even have the chance to see and talk to her while giving her the things i bought for her. i hurriedly left for the flower store becasue it was getting quite late in the morning. anticipating the tuesday morning traffic, i drove with the sense of urgency to get to my destinations as quickly as possible. as i arrived at the flower store, my order was already being arranged. in what seemed like an eternity (around 20 minutes) the order was ready and after giving payment, i left immediately. as i was on the way to donna’s house, i went over my two-fold plan in detail. plan A was i get to talk to her for even just five minutes, tell her everything i feel, everything that i want to say to her, and give her the gifts which symbolize everything that i feel for her: a dozen red roses, arranged in a bouquet; one big box of ferro rocher chocolates (her favorite), two cd’s of songs which i wholeheartedly dedicate to her (one cd contained all female songs, the other, all male); a fairly large teddy bear, and three bottles of incense oil (cool water scent, her favorite as well). as i was checking the stuff one by one, i realized that i left the bottles of incense oil at home! realizing that it was too late to go back home and get it, i continued driving to donna’s house, thinking that i might be able to give her those if things turn out well. on the other hand, plan B was to add a letter to the things i’ll be giving her should i fail to catch her at home.

i arrived at around 10:15am in front of her house. i was a little nervous, but ready for anything. i called her cellphone. no answer. i called again, same result. i tried five more times after that, same. i then sent her a message saying that i was in front of her house and if i could talk to her for five or 10 minutes. i waited for a response. i decided to call her landline phone. her mother answered, saying that she had to make an immediate phone call and i should just call back after five minutes. she didn’t mention if donna was there or not. while waiting, i tried calling her cellphone again several times, to no avail. as i was about to call her landline again, i received a message from her saying that she was out accompanying her friend, and that we’d talk some other time. she even greeted me a belated happy birthday. slightly disappointed that i didn’t get to see her on my birthday, i called her landline phone again and got to ask her mom if i could leave some stuff for her since she’s not home. i then rang the doorbell and her cousin went out and received the gifts, including the letter i composed. on that letter, i wrote:

Dear Donna,

I know you’re quite surprised receiving the things included with this letter. Good thing your Mom was kind enough to accept it since you’re not at home. I would’ve wanted to give you these in person, but I guess fate decided otherwise. It’s just that being my birthday, talking to you in person (after not being able to see or talk to each other for quite a while now), and giving these gifts to you in person was the birthday gift I had in mind. I know you’re wondering the reason for all this. Let me explain.

Aside from letting you know how I really feel about you, it’s just a simple token of how I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You came into my life at a point where I was trying to get my life back together after an episode of my personal life which I had a hard time trying to come to terms with. You came in at just the right time and changed my life. You turned it upside down and inside out. To you, it may not be that much, but to me, it made me, as I have already told you, very happy for the first time in a very, very long time. I have never felt anything as good as when I’m talking to you, or being with you. Corny as it may seem, but it actually came to a point wherein I believed that we were destined to meet. I mean, here I was, trying to start over and moving on with my lovelife, and here you were, with a boyfriend whose out of contact for at least three or four months, maybe also looking for attention and affection as well. Of course, I may be just purely dreaming. But there are two things that stood out and made me think and wonder that maybe somehow, someway we could end up together. The first was when you allowed yourself to be kissed intimately. I mean knowing that you had a boyfriend, who you said that you still love, why would you allow yourself to be kissed that way by me? If it was only one time, I would understand. But the kiss was made again and again. The second was when we went to Tagaytay. On the way home, you said that when I held you, it felt different. It felt reassuring and secure. If you only knew how good it was for me too. That trip and experience would be one of the most unforgettable events I would ever have. I was really looking forward to making that trip again with you as you promised, but I guess that won’t be happening anymore.

I don’t intend to take too much of your time reading this. I could have said everything in person, but maybe I’m not that lucky enough to be granted that privilege. Again, I’m doing this just to really show how appreciative I am for you coming into my life and being the way you are. Smart, funny, witty, sweet, thoughtful, caring, and with a smile that would make my problems go away. It may seem that I’m putting you high up a pedestal, because I am. Some of my friends who I have told about giving you all these say that you’re not worth it after what happened. I told them that you’re worth everything that has happened to me in the last few months and I spared no expense in making you feel all the more special than you really are. You may not talk to me at all anymore after this and I’m prepared for that. I’m laying all my cards on the table, with nothing more to lose. It’s all up to you if you want to continue what we have, but I have decided that this would be the last time I’d do something to try and communicate with you. You’re still invited to my party this Saturday, but I won’t expect anything. I prepared an explanation to my relatives and friends in the event that you won’t be coming, though they’re still want to see you. Don’t worry, they won’t be mad at you or anything. God, if you only knew how much I missed you all these times. But before I end this, I just want to ask you something. You don’t have to answer this, it’s just something running through my mind. Why continue loving someone whose far away, not making any effort to make you feel important to him, only doing so when he’s coming home, while I’m here, just a few minutes away, always thinking about you, who’ll never leave your side, who’ll always make you feel important, and who will fight for you and always love you for who you are? Again, thank you for being you. Do take care of yourself always. I’ll always be here for you. Always. Love ya.

Sincerely,

Mark

PS. The songs on the two CDs are songs that I wholeheartedly dedicate to you, especially the last songs on each CD. Please listen to the words and you’ll know how much you really mean to me.