it’s very seldom that i have multiple entries in one week. i just happen to post one now maybe because i need an outlet. i’ve been getting anxious and quite restless for a couple of days now, especially when i’m at work, wishing that the day would end and i’d be back home. she hasn’t called or even let her presence felt since i brought her to the venue for her interview for a job opportunity this past tuesday afternoon. i had previously offered her to bring her to her interviews, for one because it’s cheaper than taking a cab. she never did take me up on my offer until that fateful tuesday. although she did let me know that she had a scheduled interview that day, i still texted her, letting her know that if she wanted to, i could pick her up and drop her off and head home. i didn’t even think of waiting for her since she and her friend would be meeting up after her interview. she was quite sleepy from her earlier appointment with the DFA in which she accompanied her mom and aunt, although she was still perky and upbeat because she’s excited about potentially getting the job. while we’re together in the car, i was really itching to hold her hand just to reassure her or comfort her, but something at the back of my mind was stopping me from doing so. maybe because she might brush it off, or worse, put my hand away and feel more awkward around me which may lead to lesser communication between us. just a few weeks ago, it was natural for my hand to find hers and she would hold on like a person in need of care. i was even keeping my hand on the shift stick and even tapping to the beat of the music playing in the background on it just to maybe make her reach out, touch and hold my hand herself, but to no avail. the funnier thing is, when she was about to get off, i was pulling up near the drop off point when i pressed the hazard signal, but there was a car in front of us. she asked me to go further near the building’s entrance, to which i replied that there is a car. she then told me that i had already pressed the hazard signal, maybe letting her know that she can get off right there. i said no, and instinctively added that i didn’t want her to get out and just spend the afternoon with her. she then surprisingly said that if only she could not get off….but jokingly added that if i were to compensate her equivalent of the job she might be getting, then she’d stay. after wishing her luck and seeing her off, i went straight home. that was the last time i saw and talked to her. i texted her that night and the next day, asking how her interview was and that if she could find time to call me up. nothing from her.

it’s been almost three days now. the longest time that we weren’t able to talk was for one day. so i guess i have every reason to be on edge. one friend told me that she can just call me when she wants, or when she feels like it, so i have no right to expect her call. true, i guess, but maybe i’m still used to her calling me up almost everyday. i just hope she’s ok. and i’m still hoping that she’d get to watch my team’s basketball game on a summer league i joined. i have another game this afternoon, and i already dedicated all my games to her. our team is 2-0 and gunning for a slot in the semis. i guess making me dedicate my games to her makes me play harder. what more if she’s really there. i think that now i feel a little bit relieved, now that i’ve put my thoughts in writing. but the anxiety will continue to build up again as her silence continues. i guess i just have to continue working on that project i have for her. *sigh*